lol I know I was in so much pain at the time it just sounded good. I wouldn't actually go do that.
And the healing house staff really are great it was just really traumatic at the hospital when i had my anxiety because the nurses didn't understand so they just shot me up with morphine causing me to become so constipated and it also made the anxiety attack way worse. Note to self, Im def. telling my doc that I don't tolerate morphine, period.
But seriously, oh my god ive never ever felt pain that badly. Also I dont agree with the fact that I literally had to beg for a simple suppository. They nurse was just new I think and didn't know.
I seriously found religion last nite. It took me five hours of gut twisting agony, like literally white knuckles holding the sheets as waves of sheer pain came over me constantly. Even after like 4 cups of hot prune juice two cups of coffee, and a cigarette (shhhh dont tell). It really scared the holy crap out of me and i was about to return to the hospital. I never thought it would feel so good to finally poop. WoW. what a relief it was.
After breakfast I felt alot better and with some pain meds toodled about the grounds and layed in the sun for awhile. That helped with the depression immensly and im going to make it a daily ritual. Its also been hard as my parents, whom I thought were coming around, have reverted back to calling me my old name, and totally backtracking. The only word I have heard from them was one txt msg from my mom "dont do it ford" after the surgery.
It confuses me that they would want the old me back so badly. I was always depressed and angry, why would they want that. For the most part now I am usually perky and joking around, when Im not close to dying that is lol.
Sigh oh well. I've had alot of support from my wonderfull friends and coworkers and sister, and that helped turn my mood around immensly.
I made a joke to one of the nurses today. "omg call brassard (hes on vacation) i sneezed and my thing popped back out" while i pointed to the mound in my crotch from the bandages lol. I've already thought of the next one....Refering to the dilators, "you know for 18 k they could at least vibrate".
Anyway thank you all for understanding the situation and please realize that Im not usually that bitter, just was having a really hard time. Pain has a funny way of skewing perception and attitude, but Im back to normal and Im going to get through this.
