Friend dressed me up...

[Jamie_B]

The other night a gg friend of mine came over and she said that she wanted to "play makeup".  She wanted to try some colors out on me and see what turned up.  She said that I was *not* to look until after she was done.  So we sat there and talked and she did my makeup and all  the while I'm getting more and more excited.  She had given me a ton of her old clothes that no longer fit her so I was doubly excited.  Now, I'm not exactly what you would call "masculine" looking but when she was done and she let me look I had to put a great deal of effort into not looking completely devastated.  She had a wig for me as my hair is still quite short and I ... looked... horrible.   I recognize many factors:  I'm at the very beginning of transition, I haven't taken very good care of my skin in the past and I'm not as young as I once was.  I recognize that I haven't started hormones, I have only now begun to lose weight and exercise and take care of my skin...my appearance.  The wig wasn't really my style, and the colors used weren't exactly right either.  I have always looked totally abnormal to myself in pictures; freakish even.  I didn't want her to think that she did a bad job or...whatever...I just didn't want her to see how disappointed I was.  She took a single picture but I am not capable of being objective.  I know that I *shouldn't* be concerned with how I look.  I know that everyone is beautiful and I know that the various medias display a rather distorted image of how one "ought" to look.  That makes it doubly aggravating to me.  That I am now so concerned with my appearance is ridiculously annoying.  It's possible that she was just bad at putting makeup on too I suppose.  Whenever I accumulate just a little more courage I'd like to post a "So, how do I look/do I look female enough/what's wrong with my face" picture here for some *honest* objective evaluation.  I don't suppose it technically matters, but I would like some feedback.  I'm honestly not capable of being objective right now and I don't know anyone else that I trust enough to give me honest feedback.   I think I had phrases in my head: "Looks don't matter", "I'd rather be a repulsive female than a gorgeous male", etc... but now I know that I was only repeating the words to myself without actually experiencing what those words implied.  I have a long way to go it seems in terms of understanding what my decision means in a very real and practical sense.  Nevertheirregardless, I am determined to be, eventually, strong enough to be the person I feel I am.  Thanks all for your help and support.

[placeholdername]

I definitely relate on suddenly being very concerned with appearance.  Whenever I see other girls start talking about how they're fat when they're far far far from fat, or worry about minor skin blemishes, I just want to scream at them to convince them that they already are perfectly beautiful.  But now that I'm attempting to construct an image of myself as a beautiful woman, I definitely get very particular with myself over the same types of things (fortunately though, fatness is not a problem, more of the opposite!).

Also, there's a big difference between a friend playing makeup with your face, and a professional make-up person doing their best to make you look beautiful.  Even genetic girls can look pretty hideous with their makeup done badly.

[sd]

Doing a male-ish face with makeup to look female is not quite the same as doing it it for a traditional female face. Also, every face is different, what works on her face will likely not work on yours and is probably what she did.

Hormones will help, a lot in this regard, but also, as previously said, a pro makeup artists. Ask around, there are pros who specialize in trans people and will show you how to do it, it may not be very cheap, but it would probably be worth it. There is also the fact that many opt for FFS, obviously this helps a whole lot. Not everyone looks like a supermodel, even supermodels. Look around the net for stars without makeup, some will surprise you. It's truly amazing what good makeup can do sometimes.

[Jamie_B]

Also, there's a big difference between a friend playing makeup with your face, and a professional make-up person doing their best to make you look beautiful.  Even genetic girls can look pretty hideous with their makeup done badly.

This is true...I may actually have better luck attempting it myself.  I *do* want to have someone I *know* knows what they're doing give it a go though :0)

[sd]

This is true...I may actually have better luck attempting it myself.  I *do* want to have someone I *know* knows what they're doing give it a go though :0)

Do some research on what will help, and have her look at it, with that she may be able to do better and assist you in some ways as well. Just try not to get too discouraged, there are a lot of changes to your face that will happen with hormones.