Is SRS right for everyone?

[Melissa]

For me personally, I am transitioning so I can be myself.  Does sex play a role?  Maybe not as any huge factor and it certainly is not the reason I want SRS.  If something went wrong and I lost all sensation below, it would be missed, but I could live with that.  I have also put a ban on having sex until after SRS, because I just don't feel comfortable using the part I currently have.  I probably could under the right circumstances and if my partner made me feel comfortable doing it, but I'm not expecting anything.  Do I think sex plays a role, maybe, or else the genitals probably wouldn't matter so much.  I've always felt they were wrong, but that didn't stop me from having 2 kids.

Melissa

[Melissa]

I'm *much* more troubled by my beard (what's left anyway)

I know what you mean.  It wasn't until after this last laser session that I started not being completely embarrassed by my face.

Melissa

[DawnL]

On the form I filled out for my first gender therapist (May 2004) I wrote that I was interested in hormones but that if therapy was leading to SRS, I was absolutely not interested and that she could return my money.  Famous last words, I guess.

Dawn

[Kimberly]

I think that transsexualism and sex are intricately related.
...

Alright, I am not seeing that. I have pretty much described what sex is to me, and I am quite certain I am a girl, and I was born in a boy body so that pretty much labels me as transsexual. What am I missing? Is there some intricate relation I am not seeing? I mean, should I plan on telling my SRS surgeon that my first preference is sensation rather than appearance (Who cares about depth anyway?)? I honestly would like to see the connection if there is one, I hate to be deluded.

...
One wouldn't want to transition if one didn't find some appeal in society's sexual placements, even if it is one set apart from the one assumed at birth.

Hrm, "sexual placements". I do not think I am understanding your meaning here. Could you elaborate please?

[Nero]

Annwyn,
      The question you pose, I would say no. Now from a FtM perspective, it is about both. For me anyway. It is first about my body matching my mind, and it is also about sex. But not because of bottom surgery, it is just because I am a guy. Being on testosreone makes one want or need sex more, but my sex drive was high even before testosterone. SRS are for those who want everything to be inline. Body and soul.

And now from another FtM's perspective. To me, this is definitely not about sex. In fact, sex is one of the things that gave me pause about my decision to transition. If this were about sex, I would not do it.
I have so much sexual freedom now. Transitioning will change things.  Gone will be the spontaneity of sex. Gone will be those steamy encounters with beautiful strangers in which the moment just flows.
Suddenly, I will be an individual without the expected package. I will have to have the "talk" with every new sex partner. Sex will never be the same again.

And to answer your question, Annwyn: No, SRS is not right for everyone. It is not right for me.
I wouldn't have it in a million years. I wouldn't have it for a million dollars. I wouldn't have it even if FtM SRS were perfect. In fact, if a fairy godmother or something showed up, offering to give me a fully functional natural male organ, I would pass. I simply like what I have.

Nero

Nero,
             I guess I just don't get you. I have always had great sex with women, this is as a man. I can't get graphic here.

Hi Marco,
As far as the "sex" issue, one difference is that you have transitioned and I have not, so I am not sure as to what sex will be like once I'm on hormones and look (and sound) like any other man, yet I'll have a female sex organ.
While I won't approach sex any differently, I'm not looking forward to having the "talk" with every new woman I meet.
So that's what I mean about the sex. The spontaneity of it will be gone.

If you identify as male in your mind, then why would you not want to have your body match if it could be granted to you to be fully functioning just as your body is now, but only as a man?

The short answer to that question is simple - I would miss my female sex organ.
One thing I've been asked alot is whether I'm genderqueer, because of liking my genitalia.
My genitalia is nothing but flesh, period. I don't identify even a miniscule bit as a female.
How come I don't want a penis? I wish I knew the answer to that one. If I had been born an anatomically correct male, I would like what I had, not to mention life would've been so much easier for me than to be born in the body I was. However, I was not born that way. I was not born with XY chromosomes, and no modifications to my body will ever make me a genetic man. If the fairy godmother were to show up now, she could not rewrite history and erase the fact that I was born female. She could not erase the fact that I know what it's like to have a female sex organ, get pleasure from it, and I am sure I would miss it, for better or worse, it is my sex organ.
For whatever reason, the incongruency between that part and my mind just does not bother me.
I guess I simply don't miss or long for a part that I never had.

That says to me you don't want to be one then. I'm not trying to offend you, just trying to understand you.

No, I don't take offense. You're nice about it, I was called a freak on other forums.
You're right. I don't want to be something I'm not - a genetic man. I want to be me, I'm a man through and through.
I just want to be me and obviously I don't have a penis. I just want to be me, I wish to preserve as much of myself as I can - the breasts can go, the voice can change, but I would be devastated if I lost any other physical attributes of myself. Not very translike of me, I know. Now this is not to say that my dysphoria is not severe, because it is. It was severe enough that I spent nearly a decade in that chemical induced misty-grey dream world.
I wish I knew how to better explain this, but how would one even begin to explain his lack of penis envy?
I do appreciate your making an effort to understand me, that is much more than I am usually granted.

Nero

[Mario]

Nero,
   I am glad you are being open about it and not taking offense. I was afraid while responding you might, so thank you for that. I just want to clarify myself if I may. As you have said and I agree many times about breasts. They are hidious when not wanted. Almost the epitomy, spelling? of a female. They gave me more dysphoria than I care to remember. I thank God they are gone. Now, on the the bottom half. I too want to keep what I have, as you know that certain part grows substancially. The bigger, the better. I do not want to lose that. That is why I will opt for metodioplasty, and that is even if I do. That part of my body is where all pleasure comes from. Now, and even before transition. As if the, umm, I will call it "the tunnel" does not exist. I think this may be where you and I may differ   When that part that grows, grows it is very much like a penis.

I do understand what you are saying about a partner. I must admit that I am lucky to be with someone who accepts and loves my body the way it is. If we were to no longer be together, I know it would be difficult to find someone else having to include the fact that my bottom part is not quite as manly as most. But I have come to learn that size is not always the most important part to a woman, when you know what you are doing
                                            Marco

[Sheila]

If sex were part of the reason I transitioned then I wouldn't have transitioned. I'm married to a straight heterosexual woman and she does not want sex with a woman. I can't say as I blame her. I cherish my vows to this woman and she does the same. So sex is not in our vocabulary. So to say in bluntly, there are two terms here and one is Gender and the other is sex. They do not mean the same. I transitioned, physically into a woman, mentally I was there all my life and didn't acknowledge it. Sex is being intimate with another or maybe is some cases more than one person. That is part of a committed relationship, only part a very minor part if you really love someone. So, in my case, transsexualism doesn't have anything to do with sex, not one bit.

Having GRS is not right for everyone, but I would believe that if they could have it they would. That is my opinion. I have found that in girls that have had GRS, they tend to go pretty straight and I mean that they start to believe in the binary system that there is two genders and not a third. They tend to want the female privacy thoughts. They go into stealth and try to make themselves as much a part of society as a GG girl would. After surgery, you really go through a metamorphis that I really can't explain. I know it doesn't have to do with hormones, but something happens. It is very strange. I loved what I went through, but I did cause some problems with the City Council and our Human Rights Commission. My mood would change and I would see things differently. I'm surprised my wife stayed with me. She would tell me off when I got all upset. She told me I was like her when she went through the change. SHEEEEESH!!!
My mouth runeth over, Sheila

[DawnL]

If sex were part of the reason I transitioned then I wouldn't have transitioned. I'm married to a straight heterosexual woman and she does not want sex with a woman. I can't say as I blame her. I cherish my vows to this woman and she does the same. So sex is not in our vocabulary.

My situation as well.  Other than entertaining myself, I'm done with sex in this lifetime.  Actually, I don't miss it much.  It's cuddling and being held that I miss.

Dawn

[Nero]

And to answer your question, Annwyn: No, SRS is not right for everyone. It is not right for me.
I wouldn't have it in a million years. I wouldn't have it for a million dollars. I wouldn't have it even if FtM SRS were perfect. In fact, if a fairy godmother or something showed up, offering to give me a fully functional natural male organ, I would pass. I simply like what I have.

Pssht, you weirdo Nero!
(and NO that wasn't meant in a derrogatory manner)

That's me. 

Nero