stop dressing your children

[Just Kate]

Gender-specific clothing variations of children reinforce gender stereotypes to the developing psyche of the child - there have been several studies on this exact thing.  These gender-specific reinforcements affect the child even if that child is too young to remember it.  Culturally this is perfectly acceptable so long as that child does not grow up to deviate from the norm.

[perfectisolation]

I agree somewhat with the OP, and Miniar. It depresses me looking back on how my parents dressed me as a "girl", specifically because I have a vag. If they put me in dresses and whatnot for no particular reason, I would be fine with these memories, but the fact that I have to do certain things because I have a vagina is so incredibly depressing and gives me huge resentment about it.

Dresses.. bathing suits... the barbies, dolls, pink girly toys... having to have long hair, wear makeup and shave my legs, having to wear "girls" clothes, being told its wrong to go with my shirt off, being told its wrong to sit like a man...... All because I have a vagina. Good lord that PO'es me so much. I still hesitate to do things that are considered "male". I am still ashamed of not shaving my legs or wearing makeup and all that garbage.

OK I'm overthinking all of this, but looking back, it makes me feel so depressed and ashamed about even the most subtle ways I am treated differently because I have a vagina.

Gender neutral would be nice, because all of the huge gender differences I'm noticing, based on peoples genitalia, is increasingly disturbing me, to the point of being infuriated.

[tekla]

Given the choices, most kids tend to dress like all their friends dress, no matter how stupid that choice is.  That you hated it.  Well, welcome to minority status.  It does not make you right, or them wrong.

[Nicky]

As a parent, I want my children to feel like they fit in. I don't want them to have to fight the things I fight. My kids don't seem to care at their age what they wear and more than likely they will grow up to not feel out of place as a member of their 'sex'.

Saying that though I wish there were more gender neutral choices for my kids, partly because it would make more economic sense. But mainly because I object to them being so strongly gendered. Child clothing is like over the top uber gendered. Totally pink and frilly or blue and brown with trucks all over them. They give such a strong message that there are no other ways of being.

Certainly when they are able to express a strong opinion for themselves they can wear all the pink and blue they want.

[Jaimey]

When my mom buys clothes or blankets and things for baby showers, she always picks neutral colors, even if the parents know the sex of the baby. 

It's funny, coming up on this topic.  When my friend was born in the late 70s, his dad got really upset that they put him in a blue blanket.  Of course, he was overcome with emotion at the birth of his first born child and he had a little break down/rant about pink and blue blankets.  It wasn't long after that that the hospital began using green blankets.   

I agree with Nicky, overall, though.  You want your kids to fit in so you dress them to protect them.    It's a tough job, being a parent. 

[Alyssa M.]

I have some rather conservative friends who had a baby, and refused to let the doctor tell them the sex when they had an ultrasound. They felt as though people never used to find out befor birth, so why should they? They got lots of yellow and green baby clothes.

As for fitting in, kids don't care before age four or five. It's not about fitting in, but about making it easy for other adults to gender your child. After that age, they are old enough to give you some input as to what clothes they prefer.

[sneakersjay]

When my kids were little, it was hard to find primary colors or gender neutral clothing.  I hate pink and blue anyway, and didn't want my baby (first kid) dressed in pastels.  Very hard.  Even the colors for strollers and the like were all a combo of turquoise and pink, with yellow and blue.

At least today there are a lot of bold colors, earth tones, and an array of neutrals in baby clothing.  But, alas, my babies are growing up and dress themselves.  My son = skater dude with long hair; daughter = quirky mix of feminine (but no pink!) and gender neutral clothes.


Jay

[pretty pauline]

I have found this thread most interesting, I have to agree with Miniar and Northy, it is very hard to change things that are ingrained in generations, is it our parents, society or what.
I remember my first encounter with ''gender colors'' about 6years of age, there was only boys in our family growing up so we didn't know much about colors, it was at junior school, I remember our teacher use to punish ''bold boys'' by dressing them in a cute pink frilly dress, tie a pink bow ribbon in their hair and sit them with the girls, they used to be mortified and really hated that, it was a punishment that worked, but it never worked with me, I'd get up to mischief so that I would be punished, I felt more comfortable wearing a pink dress and sitting with girls, it was the only time I was happy at school, being treated like a girl and being a pink princess.
After I left that school I started my transition at 16, my Mam who fully supported my transition and had only sons all her life, very much treated me  as girly girl daughter and ''very pink'' use to get on my brother's nerves, he came into my room 1day and stared made a remark ''ugh can't understand why you like all this ''sissy pink'' yuckie! Well I just replyed, ''I don't expect you to understand, your a boy, Im a girl, infact Im very much a girly girl and I love pink.''
Im now 52 next month, Im now a middle age woman, but deep down inside me I just love being a pink princess, Iv always love things pink girly and girlish, makes me feel pretty, feminine and womanly, some girls can be tomboys and thats ok, whatever, Im not, Im very much a soft girly girl, only yesterday I came our of the hair salon, just had my hair color done, dam it started to rain, no hat, so I purchased an umbreila from the store to protect my hair from the rain, but guess what color it was LOL old habits die hard, you guessed right, it was white with a pretty pink flower design and gorgeous pink trim edge frill very pretty, feminine and girly, I guess Im still a girly girl who really loves PINK!
My 2cents
p

[Dante]

I agree. The kid should be able to pick their own clothes. At that young, it's kinda hard for them to, but they could at least yank on the clothes they are attracted to. Little kids tend to do that.

BTW, DreamViews is a cool site. Wish I could Lucid dream.

[FallenLeaves]

I have to admit. Seeing the way she is today, with a snazzy taste and a passion for the creative arts, that I would feel absolutely unfair if I were to put her in a pink dress and expect her to be "girly" because she's not that person.
And that leads me to look at the parents that pat their boys on the back and tell them to "be tough" when they trip on the street, or put their girls in pink tutu's and call them "little princess", as if they're somewhat unfair as well, because it seems they've decided that that's who the child is, instead of learning to know them as individual persons separate of what they want in an offspring.
Like the child is a doll to dress up, not a human being.

But that's just me.

In some ways I agree with that, and some ways I disagree. I think gender neutrality would be awesome in children until they are old enough to make their own decisions. However, the reality is if a six year boy goes to school and acts like a girl he is probably going to be miserable because children are ruthless. If the case is that the boy wants to act like a girl and it is that obvious at that age, then you might as well help him start transition, change name etc. But, allowing a boy to go to school dressed like a girl would probably just be cruel at that age. In any case I would let me child wear whatever he wanted, even at school as long as he was old enough to at least realize the potential consequences. I think if parents are telling their little boy to "be tough" when he scrapes his knee they are really just preparing him for how the world actually is.

[Miniar]

I think if parents are telling their little boy to "be tough" when he scrapes his knee they are really just preparing him for how the world actually is.

The world is only the way it is because people allow it to be so.

[FallenLeaves]

The world is only the way it is because people allow it to be so.

I agree it would be a nicer / better world if kids (or anyone, actually) weren't forced into gender roles, but I also feel it isn't actually realistic. At least not for a long, long time still. Sadly, the world is incredibly resistant to change and progression. And thanks to moronic groups like the Mormons, we can even get some awesome regression thrown in the mix. In some ways I am glad transsexualism is so rare because I probably would not wish those hardships on anyone, but at the same time it sure would be nice if it were more mainstream simply so people would be more aware and things would change faster.

[tekla]

PedoBear says that wanting people to keep their kids naked will only encourage all the bad touch uncles and aunts out there.

[Venus]

I have always said it was a good thing I didn't have a boy because he would probably get beat up at school because I am really bad at determining what clothes are for girls and which ones are for boys.  I gave my nephew a bunch of hand me downs and my sister gave more than half of them back saying her husband wouldn't let the son be seen in those girly clothes.  The one was a green jacket with a yellow flower and a red shovel? ? ?   

For baby showers I always buy green and yellow even if they know the sex of the baby through ultra sound or baby is already born.

Also I wrote an article about the Mc Donald's that wouldn't give me my toy in my happy meal unless I told them if the child was a boy or a girl.  My daughter has a large problem with that, she more than often wants the "BOY" toy but is wearing a pink frilly dress when she goes up to ask for it.   

[Jaimey]

PedoBear says that wanting people to keep their kids naked will only encourage all the bad touch uncles and aunts out there.

I can't believe you brought PedoBear into this...

[pretty pauline]

Yes we can stop dressing children in gender colors, but things will never change, on this wonderful board we use gender colors, under guy members we see that blue circle with a blue arrow pointing upwards, under girl members we display a pink ribbon.
Apart of my experience in junior school, I never had pink in my life growing up, it was only when I started transition and the road to womanhood at 16 when pink started to appear in my life.
It was the first color I would see when I opened my eyes after my surgeries, FFS breast augmentation etc finally srs, close friends and family would send beautiful cards and flowers, mostly pink, very pink.
Pink is very much a girl's color, you'll never change that, when somebody buys me something pink, they are buying for a girl, they except me as a girl and its nice, I still have a big pink card my Mam and Dad gave me 25years ago, ''to our special girl'' and the pretty pink cuddle toy they gave me when I was complete, a ballerina.
When my brother said to me all them years ago ''ugh I hate sissy frilly girly pink yucky'' well he was a typicial boy, things will never change.
Since my transition, the color pink has played a big part in my life, its now my favorite color, Im just a typicial girl.
p

[tekla]

That whole color thing is a cultural deal, not universal, and before WWII was the exact opposite, pink for boys, blue for girls.  But some people buy into anything.

[VioletNight]

I disagree with the original post. I do not believe that everyone should make sure their children look gender neutral based on the small odds that they might not be happy with their gender. If we do that, then why not give everyone, male and female, buzz cuts and dress them only in gray jumpsuits until they turn 18. Parents like to dress up their children. One of the perks of being a parent is to dress up their little kids in something fun or cute and have everyone else go ooooh and awwww. If eventually the child says they do not like being dressed a certain way, then different arrangements can be made. Otherwise, there is no problem.

[Sophie90]

Wouldn't it be appalingly dull if all children were dressed in "neutral" clothes?

And, for the most part, boys like wearing boys' clothes and girls like wearing girls clothes.

I do agree that children shouldn't be forced to wear clothes they hate, but what if they hate unisex clothes?

Sorry if someone else made this point, I'm not in the mood to read the entire thread.

[Vexing]

The moment I found out I was pregnant I made a conscious decision.
I would not tell my family, or anyone, the sex of the child.
I would put forward a rule of "no pink".
And then when my daughter was born, there was a host of greens, browns, purples, reds, deep-warm blues. All kinds of Beautifully coloured clothes, and none of them "girly".
Her toys were rather neutral as well.

Banning pink.
A pink nazi.
Wonderful.

What else will you ban your children from doing?

I find that reprehensible.