Hi, decided to write this, in case someone knew anything about this or had some answers. If it is in my head, or something else.
I doubt I am intersexed. But the idea keeps popping up in my head. Maybe especially something with hormone levels-well. It does not seem right.
Some stuff
-6,1 and 165, 31, old, I always though that my body looks like the photo model bodies-skinny and little definition, not in a good way. Some have said it looks similar to a undeveloped teenage girls. Except bigger.
-slim waist, not breasts, but some, can massage, below direct on the rib, on the breast, 2-3cm of soft tissue. A little wider shoulders then hips.
-The only thing i've noticed of puberty was that my nipples was swollen up for a few weeks, and returned to normal again. And I started growing beard from 25. Now I am 31, still patches where it does not cover on my cheeks. It looks horrible on me, people say so as well. I hate the beard, to say it mildly. That is it, not noticed anything else.
-My emotional register seems to me similar to most females i've known.
-Male characteristic. Ballistic judgment, shooting and detachment. I've found I am very good at detaching myself from most things.
-Identify mostly with females. Sometimes with men if things are like really extreme, non realistic. But books, movies, IRL it is almost always the female character, that I am trough the story. Sometimes androgynous male, if the are part. Mostly my feeling of self is low.
-I like girly clothes, don't dislike mens clothes. But think they are awfully boring and fits badly.
-I have ejaculation, normally about a half of the smallest spoon you have in the kitchen, tee spoon. That started when I was around 16, a tiny bit, at 20, a bit more. A few times, 2 I think, it had enough velocity to leave the penis, but generally it just comes slowly.
-Testicles are small, penis also when not erected. Only with tight skirt I need to use a tight underwear. Penis is normal, about 14cm, kinda thin. Did not feel much friction when I tried it on woman. Even getting it up was not all that easy-but my investment in reading fantasy paid off. Normally it goes up easy if I imagine things, and can do multiple-just keep going you can say
-Never had any health problems, in fact the body requires very little maintenance. Dont pay it any attention at all, just brush the teeth. And I can eat whatever, it stays the same, exact same weight now as 15. Looks the same also. Hair on arms is low and thin, there is some on the chest now, here and there and around the nipples. And all over the legs, but thin. I shave it of now and then since I so strongly dislike it.
-I sleep alot, sometimes 15 hours, awake 3, then sleep 10 more, and very irregular and then up for 2 days.
-Very low energy levels, always had. But when I first get started, I can find some motivation. But most everything is tiresome. I eat high energy food, like lots of chocolate. Pasta and so on, and meat. These things help.
-Total insensitive to alcohol, no idea if i'm drunk or not, generally. I do if I am alone, but not among people, I loose all connection with my body and sensations.
-Tried weed several time, don't notice any effect. Seems to not work.
-Energy drinks, like water. No difference I can notice.
-And I am at least transgendered, probably transsexual.
-And dont ever get angry, just sometimes frustrated.
So I wonder what you think. Are these things normal? I am a rational person, or at least I like to think so, and other think so. So I find this gender problem i've had as long as I can remember to be very weird. In fact I dont really care much about anything. So I just dont understand why I'm affected with this, that I think I am a woman. It's always been like this. Now it's like I dont go out anymore, because I've gotten so embarrassed by the beard, and general looks. I feel like a total freak. But I think other people see me as mostly normal, maybe just weird, something they cant put their finger on.
It's not that I want to be a woman, but I think I am one, just like ->-bleeped-<-ed up. I dont know, it is strange. Maybe some of you can make some sense out of this. I can post pics if you need for evaluation, just send pm or something.
