attractions

[Venus]

My situation right now is that my new girlfriend of 7 months just happens to be my ex boyfriend from 1999.
I always thought that the people who would give me a hard time about 'how could I be attracted to her?' would be straight people.  After reading some information on the internet I am now more afraid of transgendered people finding out that I am bi-sexual and attracted to her.  I am afraid they may tell her to break up with me because I am just a '->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-.'
I read the one article about a woman who is very attracted to trans woman and it made me feel better and not ashamed to admit that I am VERY attracted to my girlfriend.  However, apparently I am the only one who liked the article and felt better after reading it.  About a hundred angry transgendered people wrote back that it was a very disrespectful article.
I admit I have NO clue what it feels like to be trans anything or questioning.  I have always been a girl and I have always loved being a girl!  There is one video on the youtube about transgender pain and every time I watch it I cry because I am empathetic to the frustration they feel and their wanting to be loved and accepted as an individual.
I went by the term bi-sexual for 10 years and then found out that I am not bi-sexual I am queer because I am o-kay with dating mtf or ftm people.  I was told that real bi-sexual people will date both men and women at different times but will not date transgendered people.  Then I learned a new term pansexual, which apparently is a better or more accepted term than the slang term '->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-' however, as far as I can tell it means the exact same thing.
So lesbians won't date me because they are afraid I will leave them for a man, straight men won't date me because they don't believe I won't leave them for a woman, and transgendered people won't date me because I am a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- ...oh when will it ever end? ? ?

[Nero]

I was told that real bi-sexual people will date both men and women at different times but will not date transgendered people. 

Not true. A few bisexuals don't get to define the term for the entire group. And some bisexuals are highly insulted when told they need a new term for themselves just for dating a transperson.
Don't listen to the label police, hon.

[TamTam]

Yeah, seriously.  Who decides who a 'real' bisexual is?  A 'real' lesbian?  A 'real' transsexual?  The list goes on.  IMO, the only person who gets to decide what they identify as is the person themselves.

I am a gay woman.  I'm sure there are some gay women out there who would call me bisexual or queer because I'm dating a MTF.  To those people, I say "->-bleeped-<- you."  Honestly, I don't care what anyone else thinks- I am a woman, I am dating a woman, there's nothing else to worry about.  And if anyone else thinks that I'm wrong, that's their problem, and has nothing to do with how I identify.

Perhaps you could think the same way.  Who cares if someone says you're not bi or whatever?  If you think you are, if the term resonates with you, then it's yours.

[And there are many gay women, myself included, who don't have anything against bisexuals.  Intelligent people understand that bisexuality doesn't lead to a higher incidence of adultery.]

[Osiris]

there are always exceptions to the rule. There are straight people who fall for members of the same sex and vice versa. Who you're with doesn't change who you are.

[Starr]

If you are attractected to your girlfriend because of who she is, it doesn't mean you're "chasing" anything. From what I understand, the issue people had with that article is the writer was dating trans people to make herself feel like she was a good person. That is what's not respectful. It doesn't sound like that's what you're doing. It's not like you're setting out to date a specific kind of person, trans or otherwise.

I went by the term bi-sexual for 10 years and then found out that I am not bi-sexual I am queer because I am o-kay with dating mtf or ftm people. 

Technically speaking, although I totally agree with Nero that we shouldn't get caught up in labels, if you like both MTF and FTM people, you are bisexual. Being attracted to someone FTM would mean you're straight. I assume though that you don't mean you're attracted only to trans people of either gender.

My girlfriend is MTF. I always thought I was straight. When she came along, I still didn't want to call my bi. I just said she was my "exception."  I've realized now that I am lesbian, but the only real label for me is "Hypatian" (her name here) because she's the only person I'm attracted to. 

[myles]

The whole thing gets out of control. My SO and I Have been together for 17 years she was with me when I was a woman and she is with me now that I am a man. She has always been bisexual which means attracted to women and men (in her book) so if she dumped me because I transitioned then she wouldn't be bisexual she would be gay , if the only reason she dumped me was because I am a man. I think labels are for items on the shelf at the grocery store and tell people to back off.
Cheers
Myles

[NicholeW.]

If I were you I wouldn't be too much concerned about what "hundreds" of trans-people think anyhow. In some respects you might just imagine that they are bothered by not being connected at this point with anyone at all. It's a common problem.

Some people imagine that anyone, especially anyone, who's attracted to someone pre-op or who they know transitioned, is simply wanting that "exotic" girlfriend/boyfriend. But in actually there are, regardless of how many trans-people feel, cisgendered people who absolutely are attracted to trans-people not for what they have or had between their legs, but for many other positive reasons.

Read this post that was made yesterday https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59156.msg376759.html#msg376759

I think you are not alone, not by a long shot and I think most people with transsexing histories are too much fond of trying to "control" both what others "think" and what they "feel" but also "how they talk, believe and act." It seems to be a hazard of the species.

You and your patner find your own darned happiness and comfort in your lives and love for one another. Not another soul has a dog in that fight. So shut them off.


O, and the bisexual deal is pretty much the same way. Attraction doesn't always mean "bedding" another human being. Sometimes we are simply attracted. You have gay people who also think "there is no bisexuality" even in the face of other human beings being attracted to variously sexed individuals.

Your life, your comfort, your call and your own darned terminology that you find applies to your life.

The very last word,

Nichole 

[Nicky]

I think you are over thinking this. The main thing is you are attracted to your girlfriend, and they are attracted to you. She is a girl, you like girls, no problem. I am guessing you are in a committed relationship. You are partners. At this point it is irrelevant who else you could be attracted too isn't it?

I would suggest you just worry about who to date if you ever become single again.

[placeholdername]

You are partners. At this point it is irrelevant who else you could be attracted too isn't it?

Eeeh... that perspective is how bad things happen (AKA divorce).

Here's my take on the OP's situation: don't label yourself.  You like who you like, there's no need to label yourself or give a damn what other people label you as.  I don't think we have any control over who we are attracted to, only how honest we are about it with ourselves and others (including people we are in committed relationships with).

[Venus]

thanks
Now that I am in a relationship with a woman people are going to assume I am a lesbian, I have decided that is fine.  I don't care what they assume.  I know that I am bi or whatever, my girlfriend knows, as she knows and I know what or who she is and it doesn't matter who else knows.  I have always said it is no one's business who you are having sex with except for the people you are having sex with!

As for my girlfriend, I fell in love with her when I was under the impression she was male.  I fell in love with her when I knew she was female.  If she changed back into male I would still love her.  If she changes fully to female I will still love her.  If she lost a leg I would still love her.  If she ... well you get the point.  I love her!!!

[Genevieve Swann]

Venus, your last post impresses me. You have your life together. You are sincere. Maybe I'll fall in love with you too.