Fears...

[Chaos_Dagger]

  Good morning all.  My wife keeps telling me to post something, however what she doesn't seem to understand is that I can't do so with her watching.  I mean I know once I'm done she can find and read it, but I have an inability to type fluently and let myself out on screen with something sitting behind me.  Even if they aren't directly watching anyway.  I thought maybe I should post a list of my fears of transitioning from male to female, and get some of your thoughts on things.  So here they are:

1. What if I don't want it after it's done ([void] Okay so this is a stupid fear as I know for a fact in my heart that it's not truly a fear at all.  I'm sure it was at one point, but I know deep down I should be a woman, and nothing would make me happier[save my wife])

2. What if something goes wrong (It's surgery, it could happen)

3. It's not exactly real, so what if it doesn't feel that way. (Outwardly I'm sure it's very real, but I'll always know I'm a fake as it were.)

4. My wife (Yes she accepts me now[please read her{Phantom_heart} introduction] but still new ones pop up here and there, I don't want to run into the same issue I did with Savannah when it's too late and risk losing her.)

5.  Looks (Shallow? Yes, but honestly I hardly look like a woman, so even afterward I'm still going to have the same skeletal structure. Not really a dream come true, so am I even going to be passable?  I've seen a few MTFs on TV and they were all beautiful! It seems though that they started hormone therapy before/during puberty, plus they looked like a female before hand anway)

6.  My job (I would I explain this to my all male staff?  I'm sure my Assistant Manager would be understanding, however probably a bit put off by the idea.  The others I'm not so sure.  They fire people so easily where I work, what if the District or Regional Manager decide to just get rid of me, and say it's because my sales have suffered?  They don't like me anyway!  Then getting a new job, how would I explain that my name is Adrianna, but my references know me as Nick?)

7.   Friends (Luckily only one may be an issue, my other friend thought I was gay anyway so this won't be much of a leap... though he'll tease me forever!)

8.   Cost (the surgery alone is said to cost up to $37,000!  If it's not covered by OHIP I don't see it as financially feasible, or worth it.)

9.   Sex (I love it when I get it! It's obviously never going to feel the same, will I be satisfied after I change? I know my wife will, but I'm not so sure because of how I feel right now....)

[FairyGirl]

whoa! None of this stuff has to be done tomorrow. The first thing to do is find a good gender therapist who can help you with your questions and fears. You can start slow and work your way into it. There's a lot you can do "behind the scenes" as it were, and make your decisions after you have a better idea of what you're doing. Do research. Dress up. Pretend it's already happened and reflect on your feelings about that. No one is going to force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, how far you go with it will be entirely up to you. You may find it isn't for you after all, or that you would be happy reaching a certain point and stopping. It's not an either/or proposition for everyone. For me, finding a good therapist was the first step.

Good luck with your decisions. 

[lisa_a]

Good morning I'm in the same position, well, still am, first time I seriously considered this was when I was 16. And I regret that now(my only regret so far in life), since my fears then is the same, only stronger now that I am twice the age, almost.

[vanna]

so many of those questions are hard to answer with 100% your be just fine. i have always lived by the view if your not prepared to give up everything you have then it wil be hard for you. Often you do not but that is reality.

About height, if you over 6ft and worried then dont, there are many many tall women in the world and no-one takes any more notice than a short woman, everyone is capiable of passing well, it just your finance and will to make it happen because i can assure you how you start off looking is verry often nothing like how you end up.

God luck in your quest for answers and yes get a therapist they help alot. 

[Wendy1974]

These are all fears that I had too and I'm sure most of the women here had them at one time too but therapy helps. Therapy is a must if you want to transition. As for the grs it is covered by OHIP again actually, so there is one fear taken care of!

[imaz]

As Ms Delgado says we should always be prepared to give up everything... I believe that should apply to everything, not just Gender issues

[Chaos_Dagger]

I am willing to give up everything, except my wife.  Honestly she means more to me... then well me!  I know I have to get therapy if I wish to transition, but it scares me!  I took anger management once o.O All I did was say what they wanted to hear so they would leave me ALONE!  I guess I can't do that in this situation.  It scares me simply because I have trouble opening up in person, especially to a stranger.  Now if I could find a therapist that would do my sessions over MSN........

[Ms.Behavin]

You know you ask a lot of questions ;-).  Ok I'll take #3.  To me Fake was trying to be something I wasn't.  I tried to be a guy just because I looked like one on the outside, but that was the fake part (Ok Flaming GID back then).    I'm a woman on the inside and unless you drop down to the sub-celluar level I'm pretty much a woman on the outside too.  Fake... not likely at all.   I'm as real as I can be.

Now I use to think I would never be pretty or be other then a guy in a dress, but that did not stop me  Fake,  Nope... I'm just me.

Beni

[Suzy]

Now I use to think I would never be pretty or be other then a guy in a dress...
Beni

You must be kidding, doll!

Kristi

[Michelle.]

F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal

[V M]

We all have our fears and someone looking over your shoulder can be annoying, so what do you do? I didn't post for a month or so because my X-girlfriend  kept hovering about and I accidentally O.D.ed on pain med.s She was actually very understanding and gave me a bunch of clothes and make up before she left. I also learned that I have four children. Only one has made contact, but lost interest when she realized I was not wealthy. Much like the mothers of the other three. This all started up last December. A few months after I'd decided to take transition seriously. At least I was able to talk to one daughter for awhile. Now I think about these kids all the time and wish to be able to do something. But, they and their mothers all ignore me now because I don't have the money. Isn't there more to life?

Virginia cries again....

[Cindy]

Fear appears integral to how we live. It's not just about TG issues but everyting we do.

In your situation there appear three players, your male body, your female psyche, your wife. And she may have multiple players as well. She may want you the person as male, she may want you as a TV, she may want you as full TG. These issues need to be discussed, and as others have said the way is to get a therapist.

The path we walk is not easy

LoL
Cindy James

[FairyGirl]

Now I think about these kids all the time and wish to be able to do something. But, they and their mothers all ignore me now because I don't have the money. Isn't there more to life?

Virginia cries again....

aww honey there is more, and things will get better 

[sd]

I'll tackle a few of them.

1. What if I don't want it after it's done

By the time you get to this point, you should have a pretty good idea.

2. What if something goes wrong (It's surgery, it could happen)

What if the earth ended the day after. What if... The surgery is invasive, and things can go wrong, but usually they are minor. This surgery has been done many times, it's not as though it's experimental.

5.  Looks

A therapist and/or surgeon/or artist experienced with this stuff may be able to give you a decent idea on how you will look and how much surgery you may or may not need to pass or look how you want. Not every girl is a beauty queen.

6.  My job (I would I explain this to my all male staff?  I'm sure my Assistant Manager would be understanding, however probably a bit put off by the idea.  The others I'm not so sure.  They fire people so easily where I work, what if the District or Regional Manager decide to just get rid of me, and say it's because my sales have suffered?  They don't like me anyway!  Then getting a new job, how would I explain that my name is Adrianna, but my references know me as Nick?)

If it's a major company, HR can be your guide. If you are the boss, what you say goes.

9.   Sex (I love it when I get it! It's obviously never going to feel the same, will I be satisfied after I change? I know my wife will, but I'm not so sure because of how I feel right now....)

There are ways you experience orgasm that are just as good without involving genital contact. There is a whole world out there you have probably never tried.

[Nero]

We all have our fears and someone looking over your shoulder can be annoying, so what do you do? I didn't post for a month or so because my X-girlfriend  kept hovering about and I accidentally O.D.ed on pain med.s She was actually very understanding and gave me a bunch of clothes and make up before she left. I also learned that I have four children. Only one has made contact, but lost interest when she realized I was not wealthy. Much like the mothers of the other three. This all started up last December. A few months after I'd decided to take transition seriously. At least I was able to talk to one daughter for awhile. Now I think about these kids all the time and wish to be able to do something. But, they and their mothers all ignore me now because I don't have the money. Isn't there more to life?

Virginia cries again....

Oh god. that sucks, sweetie. shallow brats. 

[tekla]

Shallow brats?  Because they are only interested in money?  Now?  Because the person is only finding out now that they are grown up?  I'm sure they would have rather had a parent.

[Nero]

Shallow brats?  Because they are only interested in money?  Now?  Because the person is only finding out now that they are grown up?  I'm sure they would have rather had a parent.

Maybe that was overly harsh. This is a tough situation for the kids too.

[V M]

I think it's the moms who are being shallow in this case. I think the kids and I both feel robbed. Anyway, sorry to drift off topic....

When it comes to surgery I deffenantly have fears and wonder if I could go through with it. I would have to have someone I trust with me for encouragement. 

[Ms.Behavin]

way back when and long ago... at least 4 years ago, I had more then a passing resemblance to Steven King. Ok a tall Steven King for sure.  It's amazing what a bit of time and E will do,  Well ok a good colorist and stylist help alot too too  plus a splash of makeup.  Now if only I can loose some weight.

Beni

[Chaos_Dagger]

I just wanted to thank you all for your advice.  I haven't been on in awhile since I was moving and only just got internet in the new apartment today!