"Girl talk"

[TheRedJadeStones]

...........

[Hazumu]

Is it possible to learn how to do "Girl talk" so I can better assimilate as a female? I'm attempting to do this with a female friend of mine I have confided with, but my lack of being able to talk and keep up a conversation "femininely" may be killing it.

Gods, I'm still learning! Best advice -- be yourself.  That goes a long way to making up for any style errors you might make.

=K

[barbie]

I have a lot of girl friends who like to chat with me at any time at any place.

When my colleagues have a chance to chat together, some males complain that only I talk with other women about something exclusive to women. I usually start to talk with my female colleagues regarding cosmetics and beauty. They seem to be happy as they can provide advice and help to me. Mostly, I am in the position that I give advice to them, but cosmetics and fashion stuffs are different. I always learn from them, and they are happy to educuate me.

While I talk frequently on cosmetics, beauty and fashion, women tend to become more friendly to me, and sometimes they forget that I am a man and dad. One female colleague once confessed to me that she seems to be addicted to me.

An exceptional case was when I happened to ask a female employee here over the phone what kind of facial cream she uses. She seemed to be perplexed, and later talked it to one of my female colleagues. She replied that I am always interested in women's cosmetics, and etc.

Usually I like to listen rather than to speak. And, as I frequently talk on subjects that few men ever touched, those women tend to trust me. Or just looking like a woman can give them some relief and assurance.

http://125.247.198.61/bbs/upimg/fishery/ggfriends.jpg

If you have any question on fashion, beauty, or even your kids, then ask your female friends. They will be happy to chat with you.

Strangely, since I was a kid, girls tended to trust in me. I do not know the reason yet, but it becomes more obvious after I crossdress. Even some women can sleep with me. I mean they consider and treat me as a true woman 

Barbie~~

[lostandconfused]

Well I think it might be good to open yourself up and not worry about breaking male "rules" (like "guys can't talk about feelings"). It sort of comes naturally to me, so that's the best explanation I can come up with, sorry.

[Nero]

Gods, I'm still learning! Best advice -- be yourself.  That goes a long way to making up for any style errors you might make.

=K

this is great advice.

You know, as someone trying their damndest to come off as a teenage girl, I learned a few quick tricks.
Quickly scan her for something you like about her appearance - clothes, shoes, hairstyle and then ask where she got it, or what salon she goes to. sometimes this can lead to discussion about different styles or stores. If you don't know what she's talking about, just tell her you've never been to that store/salon yet and ask where it's located.
When that topic is exhausted, just keep asking her questions about herself.

[Sophie90]

Girl talk makes me want to take a long walk off a short cliff.

The dullness is quite incredible.

[ilikepotatoes]

It will really really really help to sit in with a bunch of women and listen while they engage in girl talk. Consider it cultural immersion, like going to Germany to learn to speak German. Maybe your friend can let you tag along when she hangs out with other girls.

[Vexing]

Is it possible to learn how to do "Girl talk" so I can better assimilate as a female? I'm attempting to do this with a female friend of mine I have confided with, but my lack of being able to talk and keep up a conversation "femininely" may be killing it.

Buy every female trash magazine you can get your hands on and read them all cover to cover - you'll have endless gossip on celebrities, fashion, makeup, cooking recipes, etc, etc.
In fact, people will probably feel intimidated by your Girl Lore.

[Hazumu]

I actually got a left-handed compliment form my boss.  I was talking with our temporary section supervisor (she's a seriously classy dresser, so I'm always asking her where she got clothing items.)  Boss wanders by, sticks his head in the office, and says;

"Are you two speaking Venusian again?  Speak Martian once in a while, so I can understand it!"

Hmn....

=K

[pretty pauline]

Girl talk makes me want to take a long walk off a short cliff.

The dullness is quite incredible.

I understand where your coming from Blueflare but from the exact opposite, I think I missed out on ''girl talk'' when I was young, I had 3brothers no sisters, just my Mam to learn girl stuff.
My Dad and 3brothers it was GUY TALK all the time, brothers and Dad it was discussing football results and car rally racing, it was like omg so boring, so awfully dull, they never discuss human stories, I found watching paint dry more exciting than betting on horses.
When I transitioned, living as a girl and finally mixing with girls, ''girl talk'' just came natural to me.
Yes I go to the hair salon, discuss fashion, dress sizes, makeup tips, shoes, shopping, nail polish remover that doesn't ruin my nails, whatever is the goss on the day, we might have giggle on some guy doing ''guy talk'' to our boobs you certainly won't get girly advice from a guy, over a period of time, girl talk is just girl talk to girls, it comes in time.
p

[Vexing]

Personally, as a gamer/geek chick, I'd rather talk about FPS ownage than hair and nails. The latest Peter F. Hamilton novel than shoes. PC components than skirts.
If you don't got it, don't force it.
Lots of girls don't do 'girl talk'.

[Jaimey]

"chick flicks"...think Steel Magnolias or First Wives Club...anything like that.  You can watch them repeatedly to get a feel for the rhythm of gossip and banter and teasing (I really do think there's a rhythm to it...).  I'm pretty sure that's how I learned to do it so I wouldn't seem like such a weirdo...

By the way...I'm not saying that women only gossip...but that's a big part of "girl talk", as far as I'm concerned.    Gossip, sex, men...stuff like that...

Oh yeah...there are some subtle lines that you have to feel out...really, the only way to learn is to listen.  You'll get a feel for it in no time!

[Feever]

Girl Boy talk makes me want to take a long walk off a short cliff.

The dullness is quite incredible.

Thanks for a starting point Blueflare. 

Talk that involves sports, hunting, racing or motorcycles kills me.  I dont get the point.  I would much rather talk about things that matter.  Stuff like your kids or job.  Things that define the person that is uniquely you.

[nathan]

Talk that involves sports, hunting, racing or motorcycles kills me.  I dont get the point.  I would much rather talk about things that matter.  Stuff like your kids or job.  Things that define the person that is uniquely you.

There's a woman I work with that only talks about her kids.  All the time, nothing else.  How boring can someone's life be to not have anything else going on besides that?  Yeah, family is important and all, but sheesh...get a hobby. 

[Feever]

Kids and cooking can be hobbies.  I enjoy both.

[chrysalis]

I don't think girl talk is subject specific though. There are various communication patterns that women tend to follow more than men. I'm lazy right now so I'm just going to quote a bunch of stuff from the "Gender & Communication" section of my Communication textbook on Dyadic Relations and I'm cutting out the pieces about how these are tendencies not strict rules because I really hope to one day see a world where that goes without saying.

1) "...men swear more than women."

2) "Women ask more questiosn than men do...nearly three times as many according to one study."

3) "In mixed sex conversations men interrupt women far more than the other way around."

4) "Men are more likely than women to use judgmental adjectives, ("Reading can be a drag."), directives, ("Think of some more."), and "I" references, ("I have a lot to do.")

Women are more likely to use intensive adverbs ("He's really into you.), emotional references ("If he really cared about you..."), and contradictions ("It's cold, but that's OK.")

Differences like these show that men's speech is more typically direct, succinct, personal, and task oriented. By contrast, women's speech is characterized as more typically indirect, elaborate, and focused on relationships."

That is, again, my textbook with all of the gender equality stuff cut out (most of the chapter is devoted to the similarities between genders). For the purposes of this thread and its inquiry I think it is beneficial to highlight the common differences.

Of course when reading this you do have to take into account that many of these studies were likely done in low context societies and things change radically when you shift to high context (i.e. asian cultures).

There is a bit more under reasons for communicating but that will have to wait for tomorrow. I'm very tired!
Post Merge: May 22, 2009, 04:07:57 AM
O.K. here's part 2, Reasons For Communicating, and I'm also throwing in some tid bits from the section on Gender's influence on Listening because if you've ever studied communication to any degree you should know what a vital aspect listening is.

"Both men and women use language to build and maintain social relationships...How men and women accomplish these goals is different though."

"[Male] conversations involve a greater amount of joking and good natured teasing. By contrast, women's discussions involve feelings, relationships, and personal problems...for women, talk is the essence of relationships."

"Men commonly described same sex conversations as something they liked, whereas women describe it as something they needed"

"Because they use conversation to pursue social needs, women typically use statements showing support for the other person, demonstrations of equality, and efforts to keep the conversation going. With these goals, it's not surprising that traditionally female speech often contains statements of sympathy and empathy: 'I've felt just like that myself', 'The same thing happened to me!'"

"The greater frequency of female conversations reflects their importance. Nearly 50 percent of the women surveyed said they called friends at least once a week just to talk, whereas less than half as many men did so. In fact, 40 percent of the men surveyed report that they never called another man just to chat."

"Women are also inclined to ask lots of questions that invite the other person to share information: 'How did you feel about that?', 'What did you do next?'...also the more tentative approach of 'This is just my opinion....' as opposed to 'This is what I think.'"

"In conversations men interrupt to assert their point of view whereas women interrupt to offer encouragement and support."

"Women are more likely than men to act nonverbally in ways that characterize attentive listening: gazing at the speaker, smiling, leaning forward, nodding the head and so on."

Voila! I hope you appreciate the information (lol I'm such a dude with facts etc.) I actually started trying a lot of these techniques the other day, and I must say, it is amazing how much farther you can get with people simply by following the girly "guidelines".