Transsexuals Are Just Gay

[Mario]

Not all of them. Not me. I am so sick and tired of hearing from somr people I know and actually care about, and their are the ones who don't even know me, yet judge me and assume that being transgendered means I am gay. This would stem from the ignorence and lack of education that so many people lack about us. Because this is not society's norm. So what is the point? They don't understand what it is like to stand in our shoes. I have a friend. A very good friend. She is a nurse, ans we had a discussion about my "decission" to transition, and thinks that it was wrong that I left my kids, and how could I have done what I have so soon with seeing a theripist for only 6 months, and more therapy could have taught me to cope and not transition, and just could have kept going the way I was. She does not agree with what I am doing, but loves me still. Whatever. And just because she had been a labor and delivery nurse for years and had not one time seen a baby born with questionalbe getitals, or no documentation of such, there can't be such a thing as intersexed people. I was ready to blow a gasket.

Then we have all the wonderful people I hear second hand through Pam that believes that we are in a lesbian relationship. This would be from the big lying mouth of her ex husband. Since the begining of our relationship he has called or e-mailed every person that knows Pam whether it be family or friends, crap, I'm surprised he has not taken an add out in the newspapers, and has told them the whole story in his words of course. These people rufuse to read for themselves and learn. Why so many people think that being a transsexual means the same thing as being gay, even when I try to explain.
All I ever wanted was to be a man(pyhsically) and be in a heterosexual realationship. Now that I have had top surgery and have a damn beard, am viewed by the entire public as a man, still, I have to deal with this crap.
                                                   Marco

[stephanie_craxford]

Not all of them. Not me. I am so sick and tired of hearing from somr people I know and actually care about, and their are the ones who don't even know me, yet judge me and assume that being transgendered means I am gay. This would stem from the ignorence and lack of education that so many people lack about us. Because this is not society's norm. So what is the point? They don't understand what it is like to stand in our shoes. I have a friend. A very good friend. She is a nurse, ans we had a discussion about my "decission" to transition, and thinks that it was wrong that I left my kids, and how could I have done what I have so soon with seeing a theripist for only 6 months, and more therapy could have taught me to cope and not transition, and just could have kept going the way I was. She does not agree with what I am doing, but loves me still. Whatever. And just because she had been a labor and delivery nurse for years and had not one time seen a baby born with questionalbe getitals, or no documentation of such, there can't be such a thing as intersexed people. I was ready to blow a gasket.

Then we have all the wonderful people I hear second hand through Pam that believes that we are in a lesbian relationship. This would be from the big lying mouth of her ex husband. Since the begining of our relationship he has called or e-mailed every person that knows Pam whether it be family or friends, crap, I'm surprised he has not taken an add out in the newspapers, and has told them the whole story in his words of course. These people rufuse to read for themselves and learn. Why so many people think that being a transsexual means the same thing as being gay, enve when I try to explain.
All I ever wanted was to be a man(pyhsically) and be in a heterosexual realationship. Now that I have had top surgery and have a damn beard, am viewed by the entire public as a man, still, I have to deal with this crap.
                                                   Marco

I know that feeling and so does Gill.  Many people who find out about us or learn that we are a couple (Gill and I have a special/different relationship) automatically assume that we are a Lesbian couple and Gill will confirm that this is so far from the truth, we are  both heterosexual women.  This same topic came up last night when I was in the club with Richard.  I told him about my partner Gill and he automatically assumed that we were lesbians.  I clarified our relationship and he did apologize for the way he reacted.  When i told Gill what had happened she agreed that that people should ask and listen before making assumptions.

It's strange that this always seems to be the assumption, frustrating to say the least, but of course no problem for those who are bi, gay, or lesbian.

Sucks to be us huh!

Steph

[tinkerbell]

Why so many people think that being a transsexual means the same thing as being gay

Because most people think that sex and gender are the same thing.  If one is MTF, they automatically assume that one is a very flamboyant gay male who wants to get rid of their genitals to be eternally girlish; and the same thing happens when they see a FTM, they assume they are just extremely butch lesbians.

Marco, you know what you are, but I can see why it bothers you.  I have also had my recent share of ignorance from a few people, but really, I am not going to keep on burning my liver about it; they are not worth my getting upset.

My psychiatrist says that the best way to deal with people like that is to cut all connection and communication with them for good, so this is what I am going to do.


tinkerbell

[Hazumu]

I'm coming to hate the word transsexual 'cause it makes people think of 'doing it.'

The few people I'm out to I've told that it would be a lot easier being gay -- complete everything included nothing else to buy, and I don't have to tell anybody if I don't want to.  I can appear normal.  But NO, I have to go through transition.

At work I hear people describing something they don't like as, "that SO gay..." -- whatever hapened to the word I remember from 5 years old that meant happy?  I'll have to ask my 'ears' (the people I'm out to,) if they've heard of anybody happily sticking the 'gay' label on me.  How wrong they are (I have no desire for male-with-male intimacy.) 

And if at the end of transition I find myself oriented towards a heterosexual relationship, they'll say, "See, I told you he was GAY!!!"  Conversely, if I find myself oriented towards intimacy with other women, I'll be called a loser.  It's a game of "You! Can't! WIN!!"

Tink, I second your shrink's advice.  Cultivate the people who support you, and stay as far away from the toxics as possible.

Karen

[Melissa]

...and more therapy could have taught me to cope and not transition, and just could have kept going the way I was.

What?  Disgusted with yourself and miserable?  Yeah, that's a real good idea.

Melissa

[Kimberly]

Meh. From what I have seen I have absolutely zero want to be attracted to only one gender.

Feel free to send those types my way Marco... I promise I won't laugh at them too much.

[Buffy]

Hi Marco...

Labels, labels, labels; are they not wonderful things. Society uses them to describe what we are and also what we have done. They can be good labels, or bad labels, they also can't really hurt us but just irritate us and make us annoyed and mad. It is an easy cheap shot to call people a name that they know will temporarily hurt them.

It is what we understand ourselves to be which is important...

At the end of the day, who gives a crap.... I am Rebecca, who is a woman, you are Marco, you are a man.

More than one person has so far said that Gender and Sex are not well understood by the "lay man", that is true. It is not Marco or Rebecca that will ever change that, or be able to get society to change their views on us as a community, actually who cares... I don't!... that is societies problem, I have no problems with what I am....

Neither should you Marco.

Buffy

[Mario]

Becky,
    You make perfect sense, but I guess I am just maybe TO concerned what others think. I always have been. To us, we are normal. I always wanted normal, I just wasn't. When you pass 100% of the time it is easy to forget about the few that want to judge and condem. But when it does happen I guess I just come unglued!

Kimberly,
             I will see what I can do

                               Marco

[Julie_in_MT]

Hi Marco!

Yes, this sort of mindset disgusts me just like it disgusts you and everyone else here.
The perception of the general public seems to be "stuck" on the Gay label for everything that doesn't fit into their narrow view of society.
After I have confided in some people of who I am and what I'm doing they always seem to ask me if I'm gay and if I'm going to get a boyfriend!!! I quitely tell them that if I was gay I would have a female spouse or a girlfriend. This really tends to either blow a fuse or make their gears run for quite awhile before their response. "OHHHH I see!!!" say alot of them. Some others just nod and change the subject.
Some rather close friends know I am bisexual but if the entire gamit of people who know who I was also knew this it would tend to reinforce the falshood that MTF/FTM's are "GAY".

Julie

[Elizabeth]

Hi Marco,

You know, I too went through a very ugly divorce.  Labels were put everywhere. But fortunately for me, here in CA, it can't be an issue for child custody.  Even still, the judge in my case was clearly biased against me.  My brother that I scraped off the gutter, when he was addicted to crack cocain, disowned me.  I am too immoral for him.  He said that "it goes against god", I guess god personally told him so, since he has never been that religious.  He also said "are you gay? it's ok if you're gay".   I told him I was not gay and he again repeated it "it's ok if you're gay".   I said again, I am not gay, I am a transsexual.  He said "well you want to be a woman, that means you want to have sex with men".  I said "no, I don't want to have sex with men, I am not attracted to men".  He again said "well, it's ok if you're gay".  After this meeting, he disowned me.

A strange irony is that I am gay, just not the way he thinks of it.  I am a lesbian transwoman.  This is so far beyond his comprehension, I doubt he will ever get it.  The deep conditioning of shock TV like Jerry Springer has pretty much ruined the chance of an entire generation of people to ever "get it". So I have pretty much given up hope about that happening and just live my life how I please.

We can not prevent people from labling and mislabing us, but we can choose what labels we are willing to wear.  Make no mistake about this, we are on our own.  We are not going to have any type of broad acceptance.  We have all watched as the far right has gone after homosexuals and passed laws in virtually all the states to prohibit them from getting married.  Since there is no rationale for this, it is simply bigotry.  Let us not forget that Hitler did not go after the Jews right away.  He first went after homosexuals.  They were the first target, because the majority could agree on that, but make no mistake here, once we start targeting groups, it will expand to other groups.

We should change our name from Transsexuals to Wrongbodied. Get the word sex out of it, it's too misleading.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Mario]

Eliazibeth,
       Thanks for sharing that, and that is a good idea about changing our label name to "wrongbodied"

                                              Marco

[gin]

Marco,
Isn't this the chick that Mariah is living with?  Could she possible be feeding her negative opinions to Mariah?  It took me a minute to figure out that sex/gender are different.  Now it all makes perfect sense and I'm trying to explain it to my husband...wish me luck!
Gin
Posted on: September 03, 2006, 07:20:51 PMFYI:  I don't know what my mood is doing!  It still says "happy" in my profile?!?!

[Sheila]

There have been a few people at first had thought that of Pat and I. Then after a while they have got to know Pat or myself and they don't think that at all anymore. It is only the people who don't know us have jumped to that conclusion. You know you really can't blame them as they don't know who we are. I know that the people who have known both of us for over 20 years know that we are not Gay and that I'm transsexual and that I have educated these people. Pat and I have worked for the same company, she has been there now 15 years and I retired there after 21 years she still works there and they all have understood what went on.
Sheila

[umop ap!sdn]

From what I've read on the subject, gay men are all about being men and being attracted to other men. Ask one if he'd rather be a woman and he'll say "NO!" I'm sure the reverse is true for lesbians. But most people don't realize this. Most people find it easier to categorize people within a binary.

[Christina_Lee]

Oddly enough, when I came out to my family the majority of them were more concerned over whether or not I was attracted to men... None of them seemed to be very worried over my transitioning, they just wanted to hear for some oddball reason that I was not attracted to men...

As I mentioned to my eldest brother when he asked me if I was gay, I replied cheerfully, "Hell yes, I am gay! I LOVE other women!!" 

[Mario]

Marco,
Isn't this the chick that Mariah is living with?  Could she possible be feeding her negative opinions to Mariah?

Ginger,
        Yes it is. No, she is not trying to shed negitive light to Mariah on the subject. We had the converstition on the phone. The funny thing is we had a breif relationship 14 and a half years ago. She knew my story then and had no problem calling me Marco then, she even wanted to pay for SRS for me back then. But at that time all I could think of was I was Mariah's  mom, not her dad. Plus, she wanted me for herself, and was willing to pay for it. So it is difficult for me to understand why she has such a hard time understanding me now.

                                                   Marco

[cindianna_jones]

The last time I fell back, I had a private meeting with my soon to be ex. She had filed for divorce and we were just waiting for the cooling off period before it became final. 

I had been beaten.  I had come back with my tail between my legs.

The first thing that she demanded to know was if I had had any sexual relations with anyone.  I thought that my confession would end any hope of us getting back together.  But I was honest with her for the first time.  "Yes," I answered.  "With who," she demanded.  "I don't know, it was some girl who picked me up in a bar," I answered.  "She liked me and couldn't believe that I was a guy.  She took me to her place and I spent the night there."

A wave of release washed over her face.  Yes, I had broken one of the big ones. But in her mind, I had not gone completely over.  I was still straight.

I look back on it and I can't help but laugh at the perversness of it all.  What a long strange trip it has been.

Cindi

[Cin]

Hmmmmm I had already divorced. I was living on the reservation when I met my second partner. Finally for lack of work or should I say the closest place to the reservation I could get gainful employment was 30 miles away. We sold the house and moved into town. That ended up being a ten year relationship before we separated. You see I have never really been sexually active  and wasn't really interested in sex. I discovered she running around on me and found out where the guy lived and I just walked on up there and the door wasn't locked and i just walked in and caught them at it. I didn't say one word I just turned around and left. By the time I got back home I thought to myself, well I wasn't able to give her what she wanted so I can't blame her.  Next day when she showed  up at our apartment I had all her stuff in garbage bags waiting for here. That was it but we saw each other on different occasions even had coffee together so it wasn't a nasty separation.

Two years later I went full time and next thing I know I gets a phone call from here, she was all excited at wanting to see me as a woman. So I obliged her and went to visit her, wow she was all over my praising me as to how good I looked. Even now I am sixty and I look twenty years younger. Anyway here is the clincher, She told me that she had suspected I was transexual I remembered on different occasion she said I would look good as a girl, but I had kind of just let it go through one ear and out the other. Am I gay? certainly not, I don't have any desires to have sex with a guy or a girl. I am presently  married with a Tgirl so if anything that would make me a lesbian.

*Scratchin head* hmmmmm, Is being lesbian the same as being gay? Oh well I'll just change my mismatched socks for a different pair of mismatched socks is all

Cin

Cin         

[Bob]

Why so many people think that being a transsexual means the same thing as being gay

Because most people think that sex and gender are the same thing.  If one is MTF, they automatically assume that one is a very flamboyant gay male who wants to get rid of their genitals to be eternally girlish; and the same thing happens when they see a FTM, they assume they are just extremely butch lesbians.

Marco, you know what you are, but I can see why it bothers you.  I have also had my recent share of ignorance from a few people, but really, I am not going to keep on burning my liver about it; they are not worth my getting upset.

My psychiatrist says that the best way to deal with people like that is to cut all connection and communication with them for good, so this is what I am going to do.


tinkerbell

Well stated Tinkerbell  ! as i see it that is the hart of the ishue !
but I must add.....  Marco you gott'a take the attitude of who flipping cares ? seriously
if they want to think one way you're not going to change the way they think without a serious struggle.. and it doesn't sound like anyone of them are worth the effort !
take the Male attitude of SO FRIGGING WHAT ! .... let them say "Oh My they must be having some Kinky Lesibian relationship"   ... tell them YAH ! eat your Hart out Suckers !
...heheheh
the point is ... stop worrying about it ....its not worth your time ! be so strong that its not worth your time to even consider it....   thats what a GM would do....  you gott'a dummy down ! kiddo !<GRIN>

Ignerance about sexual things is going to be with us as long as there is a bible in our socioty....  as long as sex is viewed as nasty and bad you will have people that don't know Nutting about it at all.... because....well.... its  SEX ! EEEEP !
...

the avrage person out there knows so little about SEX or the related gender ishues that they know that a lesbian is a girl that likes girls.... And that is the total extent of their resivore of knowledge....
and if thats the case their not worth your truble to educate them... 
I mean I am all for teaching the general public... but not at the expense of messing Marco up because Marco can't figure it out...   FOOIE on all of them Marco !  <grin>
...just relax buddy and quit worrying about it !
.....

my 2 coppers!!
Bob........

[LostInTime]

I usually hear the statement that trans=gay from the older gay male crowd and the religious conservatives in my area.

Both groups do not want to be educated so I am just waiting for nature to take it's course and watch them die off.