Scavanger Hunt is Leading Somewhere...

[Miniar]

To those that don't know, I'm Icelandic.
I looked for some "Basic Info" on transitioning in Iceland and found NONE! (Basic Info here being, where's a gender therapists?, who do I talk to?, where do I start?, what do I have to do?, stuff like that.)
So.. I contacted a therapist, thinking, that that would be as good a starting point as any.. and the scavenger hunt began.
I sent her an email, then called her, then met her, and she sent me to samtökin 78 (Icelandic GLBT organisation), emailed them, they sent me to trans-ísland, they didn't have any definitive answers and sent me back to samtökin 78, who eventually forwarded me to Anni Haugen who's a social-professional on their staff, emailed her, then phoned her, got a name of a psychiatrist and a number to call, called that, they gave me another number, called that, they gave me an indirect email-address, sent an email to that that then got forwarded to the psychiatrist, met Anni Haugen for coffee, she talked to the psychiatrist, then sent me an email with his direct email address, and then I sent him a direct email and got a reply with an answer.
(There's a reason I'm calling it a scavenger hunt...)

He gave me this "how it's usually done"...

1. One Whole Year, living full time in one's preferred gender. This with talking to the psychiatrist once or twice a month and meeting a speach therapist and such and working on getting "dress" and "voice" right.
2. One Whole Year, on hormone therapy. This with talking to the psychiatrist once or twice a month and meeting plastic surgeons and planning for the "finishing touches"
3. Surgeries.

So ofcourse.. my first reaction, after all these hoops was "WOOO! ANSWERS!! YAY!"
And then followed the "wait a minute"...

It's not set in stone, but it looks like I have to "practice" how to talk like a bloke, before I can deepen my voice. I have to bind my chest for two years solid (plus the amount of binding I've done so far), before I have a chance to do anything about it what so ever (I was under the impression that extended binding wasn't really healthy).

I feel a little disappointed. Like I've been told I have to wait for a year.
I'm sure time'll go past fast.. but still.. it's a whole year.

Feel like I've waited enough already.

[Nero]

See, this is the thing I never understood. What is fulltime for an ftm? Most of us have already been dressing and 'presenting' since forever. But if we don't pass, no one knows we're trying to live as male. So basically, it sounds like you'll just be doing what you might already be doing - dressing, presenting, using a male/ish name for another year. We don't have anything to mark that we're living as male. If we don't pass, we just look like everyday women.

[Nicky]

If this is not set in stone then perhaps you can speed up the process.

The voice thing seems unnessesary for starters - it sounds like it would be applicable for a mtf not a ftm.

In the scheme of things a year is not so long.

[sneakersjay]

I never understood the part of living a full year as your chosen gender before hormones -- if you don't pass, you're setting yourself up for ridicule and possible violence, and who should have to endure that?

Jay

[Nero]

If this is not set in stone then perhaps you can speed up the process.

The voice thing seems unnessesary for starters - it sounds like it would be applicable for a mtf not a ftm.

In the scheme of things a year is not so long.

Yep. I think this another area where no thought has been put into the different circumstances between ftms and mtfs and we're just tacked on as an afterthought.
I don't think RLE without hormones is going to be a real life experience for a non-passing ftm (not saying you are Miniar, just referencing my own unpassability). How can it be real life if no one even realizes you're presenting as a man and not a woman?

[Miniar]

Yep. I think this another area where no thought has been put into the different circumstances between ftms and mtfs and we're just tacked on as an afterthought.
I don't think RLE without hormones is going to be a real life experience for a non-passing ftm (not saying you are Miniar, just referencing my own unpassability). How can it be real life if no one even realizes you're presenting as a man and not a woman?

Living in a small town, being of a "voluptuous" body-shape and in possession of DDs... I don't rightly understand how they expect me to "pass" myself.
Which means... Needing to "correct" people all the time...

[Nero]

Living in a small town, being of a "voluptuous" body-shape and in possession of DDs... I don't rightly understand how they expect me to "pass" myself.
Which means... Needing to "correct" people all the time...

Sounds like the situation I'm in. Sucks.

[Ender]

Aye, it does seem like they're trying to fit something perhaps better suited to an MtF transition onto FtMs.  I speak primarily of the 'working on dress and voice' for an entire year bit--especially the voice.  Since estrogen cannot serve to alter the pitch of a voice that has already deepened, it would make sense to spend a bit of time with a speech therapist working on a more feminine voice--pitch, inflection, whatever is necessary.  For FtMs... sure, speech patterns can be worked on, but in most cases practicing voice deepening (can that even be truly successful?) will be rendered pointless after T.  And while many MtFs may have not had much opportunity while growing up to work on clothing and makeup skills, there's nothing too complicated about dressing as a guy... heck, because society is more tolerant of females wearing male-typical clothing, many FtMs have been wearing mens clothes for years before transition, anyways.  If this transition model is how things are 'usually' done, that may imply that there is some room for modification.  Perhaps bring these points up to the psychiatrist and see if he can eliminate or at least expedite that 1 year RLE bit.

And yeah, I too question the sanity of a professional requiring anyone who does not yet successfully pass as their target gender to present as such to what can be an... unreceptive world.  It could very well place their patient in a very dangerous situation.

[Miniar]

The more I look at it the more I feel sure that he's had to deal with 99.9999999% mtf's so far and consider bringing up some of these differences when I go meet him in person....
Which will have to wait a bit.
... more hoops:
Daughter's school's out June. 5 so I can't get to Rvk before that, but by then (can you guess it?) HE'S ON A 5 WEEK VACATION!
So we'll talk in July..........

I feel like I won't be able to be on T before I'm 30!!!

[Radar]

The more I look at it the more I feel sure that he's had to deal with 99.9999999% mtf's so far and consider bringing up some of these differences when I go meet him in person....
Which will have to wait a bit.
... more hoops:
Daughter's school's out June. 5 so I can't get to Rvk before that, but by then (can you guess it?) HE'S ON A 5 WEEK VACATION!
So we'll talk in July..........

I feel like I won't be able to be on T before I'm 30!!!

I noticed you have a daughter. Have you been married to a man before?

[Miniar]

I noticed you have a daughter. Have you been married to a man before?

I had her when I was 18, married her father when I was 19, divorced him before I hit 20...
Currently married to a man who accepts me fully as the man that I am.

[Radar]

I had her when I was 18, married her father when I was 19, divorced him before I hit 20...
Currently married to a man who accepts me fully as the man that I am.

Ah, O.K. I'll be telling my husband (possibly soon) and was curious on suggestions and experiences. I haven't been able to find as many straight FTM telling husband stories.

[Miniar]

The problem with telling your husband after the fact (after you met, fell in love, got married, and all that jazz) is that he might feel a little bit (okay a lot) lied to. As if who you are now and who he met, fell in love with, and got married to, has been taken away from him. Keep that in mind and let him take the time he needs to take to decide whether or not he can cope.
Also, unless he's previously told you he's bisexual, don't expect him to be eager to "turn gay" by continuing to love you. Which is why I came out to my current husband before we even met in person.
Take it slow, don't pressure him, and try and accept before hand that you might have to say goodbye.. and at least you won't be blindsighted. Is my advice.

[Radar]

Yes, he's been lied to. But the person who's been lied to the most is me (self inflicted). His "turning gay" won't matter at all- I'm a straight male. I'm not attracted to men at all. I tried really hard to be a woman- I really did. For my family, for him, for his family, for society... but I just can't do it anymore. I've already wasted too much time.

I know the relationship is over, I'm just hoping we can still be friends. The thing I'm concerned about most is what he'll do when he gets the news. That could end up very, very bad.  It's terrible he's gotten involved in this. I should've said no and not allowed it. Now I must face up and accept the consequences.

[Nero]

I feel like I won't be able to be on T before I'm 30!!!

That's what happened to me. Had to wait from 27 till now at 30. Mine was due to illness though, not establishment. Hopefully you can get them to see reason though, before then. 

[Mister]

FYI-- There is a clause in the SOC (which all this 1yr BS is pulled from) for exactly what you guys are complaining about-  RLE for FTMs who don't pass.  Guess what?  They're exempt.

[Miniar]

FYI-- There is a clause in the SOC (which all this 1yr BS is pulled from) for exactly what you guys are complaining about-  RLE for FTMs who don't pass.  Guess what?  They're exempt.

The local standard of individual countries may or may not entirely align with the standards of care document. There may be chance to work around the local standard, 'specially since there's all of just under a dozen people in the whole country that are actively transitioning (that I'm aware of), and I only know of one other FtM and he's not started even researching transitioning as of yet.
So yes, the exemption is commonplace in other countries, but I still don't know if I have a chance at being exempt 'till July.

[Mister]

The local standard of individual countries may or may not entirely align with the standards of care document. There may be chance to work around the local standard, 'specially since there's all of just under a dozen people in the whole country that are actively transitioning (that I'm aware of), and I only know of one other FtM and he's not started even researching transitioning as of yet.
So yes, the exemption is commonplace in other countries, but I still don't know if I have a chance at being exempt 'till July.

so bring in the SOC as documentation for why RLE is impossible for you.  and correct me if i'm wrong, but aren't you pregnant?  if you plan on breastfeeding, you can't begin T until your child is weaned.

[Miniar]

so bring in the SOC as documentation for why RLE is impossible for you.  and correct me if i'm wrong, but aren't you pregnant?  if you plan on breastfeeding, you can't begin T until your child is weaned.

You are corrected.
I have a 7 year old daughter. Haven't been pregnant since then and have no plans on EVER doing that INSANE thing again.