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Family Drama! Any Suggestions?

Started by Silas., October 20, 2012, 12:53:26 AM

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Silas.

So, I have been seeing a therapist sense I was 11 now, and my mother still has no idea I am transgender. She keeps calling me a lesbian and other BS over the years and fighting with me basically badgering me to tell her what my problem is. I am not at the point yet ((especially with as judgmental as my family is)) to tell her that I am FtM. I have been through many therapists in the past due to my family's bull->-bleeped-<-. Basically what happens, is that I refuse to tell her whats going on and what I need help with because heck I have a therapist for that and the way my family deals with me and treats me only makes problems worse and pushes old issues of suicidal thoughts and such back, and whatever. AND then they force themselves into my appointment basically attacking my therapist and demanding answers which the therapist cant legally even give. Get pissed off, then Refuse to pay for my therapy unless I see someone else because "my therapist makes them look like bad parents"...which honestly they do that on their own :/.

SO anyhow, today my mother and I got in a pretty decent fight over my therapy, resulting in her calling me a lesbian AGAIN in front of my boyfriend, and then telling me that if I dont tell her WHY I need therapy and allowing her to meet with me and my therapist that she will cut off all funding for the therapy ((which face it is too expensive for me to afford on my own right now :( )). I am planning on eventually coming out to my family, but NOT like this...I see my therapist again on Thursday the 25th, and my mother is insisting on tagging along and causing crap, telling me that sadly once again if I dont tell her why I "really" need therapy that I am cut off completely this time. What do I do? What do I say? Do I come out to her? Do I let her come in and try to come out to her with the therapist there?

Im seriously not ready for this, but I feel that I have no choice...Anyone else have similar issues ((I figure this is NOT an uncommon thing)). Thoughts?
--Silas.E
--Transqueer--
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MadelineB

I won't go into how inappropriate your parent's behavior sounds; you already know that, and you have to live with them.

What I can tell you is that what a parent needs to know is the same kind of thing an insurance company would need to know so that they can consider your treatment medically necessary and reimburse for it.  That doesn't mean you have to be out about the underlying causes (ex: gender dysphoria); only the symptoms that are affecting your life adversely and for which you are seeking treatment to alleviate. Mental health is notorious for being unclear about causes anyways, not to mention the confidentiality thing.

Here are some SYMPTOM based problems for which one needs ongoing mental health treatment; if any of them describe your life, you could chose to disclose those truthfully without disclosing your gender identity.

depression
generalized anxiety
panic attacks
social anxiety
phobias
obsessions/compulsions
PTSD
insomnia
cutting/self-harm
suicidal ideation
addiction
lack of appetite
self-hatred
body image problems
lack of confidence
self doubt
isolation
shyness
crisis of identity
emotional pain
mood swings
rage
dissociation



History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
~Maya Angelou

Personal Blog: Madeline's B-Hive
  •  

Cindy

Hi Silas,

If you are over 18 and live in the USA, Europe or Australasia you can determine your own medical treatment with your Drs. I know in Australasia that from the age of 16 your medical details are confidential from your parents, unless, you give permission, which has to be in writing, to allow them access. I'm not familiar with the USA laws.

As a suggestion can your medics talk to your mother in a confidential manner to say that you have problems that are responding to therapy?

Tough times but hang in there

Hugs Bro

Cindy
  •  

Silas.

Quote from: Cindy James on October 20, 2012, 02:29:33 AM
Hi Silas,

If you are over 18 and live in the USA, Europe or Australasia you can determine your own medical treatment with your Drs. I know in Australasia that from the age of 16 your medical details are confidential from your parents, unless, you give permission, which has to be in writing, to allow them access. I'm not familiar with the USA laws.

As a suggestion can your medics talk to your mother in a confidential manner to say that you have problems that are responding to therapy?

Tough times but hang in there

Hugs Bro

Cindy
Yeah of course I know that, but I cant loose funding from my family at the time being. I am in no financial place to get the help I need myself. Hopefully that comes soon because I dont want to loose a really good therapist because my family just wont help me. :/
--Silas.E
--Transqueer--
  •  

Silas.

Quote from: MadelineB on October 20, 2012, 01:59:53 AM
I won't go into how inappropriate your parent's behavior sounds; you already know that, and you have to live with them.

What I can tell you is that what a parent needs to know is the same kind of thing an insurance company would need to know so that they can consider your treatment medically necessary and reimburse for it.  That doesn't mean you have to be out about the underlying causes (ex: gender dysphoria); only the symptoms that are affecting your life adversely and for which you are seeking treatment to alleviate. Mental health is notorious for being unclear about causes anyways, not to mention the confidentiality thing.

Here are some SYMPTOM based problems for which one needs ongoing mental health treatment; if any of them describe your life, you could chose to disclose those truthfully without disclosing your gender identity.

depression
generalized anxiety
panic attacks
social anxiety
phobias
obsessions/compulsions
PTSD
insomnia
cutting/self-harm
suicidal ideation
addiction
lack of appetite
self-hatred
body image problems
lack of confidence
self doubt
isolation
shyness
crisis of identity
emotional pain
mood swings
rage
dissociation
Yeah exactly, their actions are beyond inappropriate :/ but then again thats how it is here daily.

Yeah they know about all that stuff, and so do I, the issue is they see im better with that stuff much better than before ((even though I still have some things some days)) and they believe that if iv been seeing a therapist this long that would all be gone and I would be fine and functional, and when I tried to explain it wasnt that simple they have now decided to cut me off from much needed help unless they get involved D: its driving me mad.
--Silas.E
--Transqueer--
  •