RLE one day to next?

[asiants]

  I really wanna dress like a woman and walk outside, but I'm scared... Cuz, I think I still look pretty manly.(on HRT for about 2month)

I'm wondering how everybody started RLE, I'm really curious about it   

Anna 

[Lori]

You start when you are comfortable. Some people start when not even on HRT. Some start after a starting HRT. Others start HRT and wait a couple of weeks then go on to RLE after that. Some, like me....will wait until they can no longer pass as male. When I'm in super boy attire and I am getting mammed...it will be time to go to JCPenney and Kohl's to get a new wardrobe. Until then, I won't have to worry about the stress of when I'm going to start. It will just come naturally and society will dictate when. But that is JUST me and How I feel about it. I realize that day may never come because society may never see me as a woman without putting more effort into it. I don't care. I'm doing what I'm doing and that is how I'm doing it.

I'm sure many would disagree with this type of action and even recommend against it.

My main point is when you feel most comfortable is when you start. You should agree with a therapist during this process as well.

[tekla]

Of some interest, at least to note:  The original RLT was done BEFORE HRT was started.  I did my own form of a RLT for a year before I made any decision to take any sort of drug with those kind of powerful side effects, and decided against it.

It seems the cart is before the horse in this case.

[Kristen]

Keep your ears peeled and your eyes open whenever you leave the house. You should eventually see the signs and hear the voices telling you that you are ready.

Yeah, that sounds like a pile of horse manure but, go with the flow, ease into things, and you will find the transition process to be a much smoother ride (in general).

Challenge yourself but, don't overload your head and emotions. Have fun with it. Laugh at yourself and watch yourself grow.

My strategy was to turn a big leap into little steps. It's going great and pays off.

[Syne]

The first few months can be tough. Just hang in there and move at a pace comfortable for you.

[Alyssa M.]

Anna, are you talking about going to a coffee shop "en femme" or are you talking about the formal RLE, the period of a year (or whatever) of living full-time required to get approval for some medical treatment?

[asiants]

  Wow  I wasn't expecting so many responds!!! 

Thank you everybody.

I agree to Lori, this is also something what I'm planing to do.

Now, I'm on HRT and letting my hair grow up, so far.

The hardest thing would be to visualy pass for me, cuz I'm 5-10 asian(I'm tall for asian g-male).

2nd hardest thing is the vocal training cuz, my native language isn't English, so it makes the situation even more complicated 

Somebody said HRT is a serious commitment, yes I know about it. I got my HRT go letter from my therapist like 3-4 years ago, but my endo refused me due to my medical condition. So, I had to delay it until now.

Of course, my final goal is to go on full-time, but I don't know when it's going to happen 

  Anna

[vanna]

Ful time does no always involve leaving the house in a summer dress and hat either, it as others have said what you feel comfortable with. I personally started as soon as possible and without passing in the critical sense but i just dressed in normal casual female attire and no-one really bothered me once.

As i grew into it i then moved onto the more traditional female dress codes. It isnt a race and again it is what your comfortable with. As my therpaist said, the fact i had changed my name and was on hormones was alot of proof to him of my RLE commitment and offered to write me a surgery letter based on that and ofc my previous gender history.

Just go with your own timetable Anna and dont run when you can easily walk ofc

Im not english either btw but just be patient and it wil work out kay

[Imadique]

For me it was a case of holding out as long as I could until I cracked up and had to do something (about 6 months into HRT) then once I started presenting female and found it wasn't too bad it quickly turned into my nearly-full time presentation (still not out at work).

[Dawn D.]

Anna,

My goal of RLE was a multi-step approach. I am almost one month into it and I am glad I did it in gradual stages. It helped to build the confidence that I thought I had already to a level that has been unshakeable.

Go at what pace is comfortable to you and only you!

Depending upon your genetics is how HRT is going to aid your appearance. Not really a good qualifier for being ready for RLE in my opinion only. I've been on HRT for just at one year now. Subtle physical changes in the face and overall body, yet breast development is the most noticable change. Yes the physical changes have happened, but, I wasn't ready for RLE based just upon HRT alone.

There are many other factors to look at. Such as, your personal comfort level with being out in the "wild" so to speak. If you haven't been out much, it might be a good idea to start slow and work your way up to longer outings, refining your appearance and tenner along the way. You'll need to know in your own mind what you "might" need to do to keep your wits about you and how to respond to potential threats, taunts, jeers, laughter and other forms of hostility and misunderstandings, should you get read. This is a serious part of building your confidence. What about your job? Have you given consideration to that yet? What happens when you meet people, such as customers and business associates who do not know of your transition? Have you made plans to help family members to understand what your plans are? How about just going to the grocery store and standing in a check out line? It can be quite unnerving if your confidence and comfort level aren't to a point that you don't break out in a cold sweat for fear of someone "figuring you out".

These are just some of the things I took into consideration in preparing my RLE.

Once I got to my own confidence level to where no matter what, no one and nothing bothered me, I couldn't hold it back from happening any longer. My wife kept telling me "you'll know when it's time. Don't rush it". She was right, as she so often is.

This is all just my opinion only. Not telling you how to do it. We are all different and have different approaches to RLE.


Dawn

[paulault55]

Anna, are you talking RLT where you live 24/7 or just going out to the supermarket or mall dressed once a week or so. Since you are 2 months on hormones my guess is to the supermarket or mall.

My first outings were to my therapist and to my monthly support group meetings where i knew i was in a safe environment, then expanded to the supermarket, Wal-mart, then the mall, now i pretty much go where i please, baby steps as it were.

Go to the mall and observe what woman your age are wearing, their mannerisms etc. and the try to emulate them. 

I been on hormones a year and i could probably go full time and RLT now if i wanted but i want to be fully prepared. I have a plan and that plan calls for going full time early next year, it will give me time to tell my extended family, get my voice decent, grow my hair, loose weight, get my facial hair removal pretty well along and more time getting out and being comfortable as Paula in addition to more time for the hormones to do their magic.

Paula

[K8]

Go at what pace is comfortable to you and only you!

My wife kept telling me "you'll know when it's time. Don't rush it". She was right, as she so often is.

I agree.  You'll know when the time is right.

Anna, are you talking RLT where you live 24/7 or just going out to the supermarket or mall dressed once a week or so. Since you are 2 months on hormones my guess is to the supermarket or mall.

I certainly wasn't ready to try 24/7 before going out a few times to test the waters.

I eased into it.  My first outings were to GLBT events - dances, parties, support group meetings.  (I even called before the first event to ask if they would welcome me as a man in a skirt. )  Then I started wearing more and more female clothes - women's pants, shirts - that weren't necessarily recognizable as women's.  I got a woman's haircut.  Up to this point I was recognizable as male but people could see I was making changes. 

At first I told my friends that I was becoming a woman, but gradually I started telling almost anyone who would listen to me, including a few of my favorite waiters and waitresses.  When I finally shifted to Katherine, not many people were surprised.

One morning I decided I was ready for full time.  I wore the same clothes I had been wearing but with breasts and a little makeup and a bit more feminine clothes.  I started using the women's rest rooms.  There were a few glitches in the beginning (particularly that first day! ) but gradually it has become normal for me to live as a woman and people accept that.

I started hormones a few weeks before going full time, and I had been getting laser treatments to clear my facial hair longer than that, but I don't think hormones had much to do with it.  It was how I felt inside.

I think many of us want to just wake up one morning and be in our desired gender role, but I don't think it works that way.  You have to gradually work toward it, one step at a time.  A lot of the work is done inside you, with the help of those around you.

Be gentle with yourself and those who love you.  You'll get there.

- Kate

[noeleena]

Hi... i came out to jos 11 years ago . 6 yeas ago our grown up kids knew  . from then on it was . okay lets get on with it . no h r t then . till a  year  & some later . it was i am a transwoman so live it . allmost now 5 years on h r t . & its two years now having s r s . the main detail is you will know when you are ready.  not before or after . you just know . oh yea therell be a bit of am i doing this or that right .. hey dont worry . itll all just fall in to place ..you look ahead .. not back ... youll learn lots as you go ....  oh yea ..
      ...noeleena...

[Janet_Girl]

When I began, a year ago, it was part time.  I was on HRT. I would venture out with a friend to the store or what not.  I slowly came to the point that I just could not be male anymore. 

I knew my name change was coming up, so I requested a vacation request for Sept, 13, 2008.  And I informed my employer that I was going to transition on the job, starting upon my return from vacation,

Scared, well of course.  But September 20 came and I walked out of my house for the first time as a woman 24/7.  I never looked back.

Many years ago, I tried to transition but I just wasn't ready.  This time I was more than ready.  You will know when it is time.  You will be mentally prepared to meet the world.

Janet

[Wendy C]

Hi Anna, I eased in to it by taking walks in the evening at dusk (if you can do that where you live), and started going out in the day when I thought the hormones had contributed enough facially. It was a slow progress over the last two years balance with the HRT and my own comfort level. I didn't really push it, I just let it happen and then one day I knew I was ready for the RLT. I changed my name in Feb and haven't looked back since. I do believe that comfort plays a big role in both your validation of yourself and how others perceive you.

That you have an Asian heritage should actually work in your favor, at least outside your cultural base and the accent should also be a plus. Hugs Hon.

~Wendy~

[asiants]

  THANK YOU 

It made me really happy that everyone here took my question very seriously.

I'm currently not belonging in TG/TS group in my town, so I was feeling bit lonley there days.

But, thank you everybody!!!

Anna 

[Inanna]

Of some interest, at least to note:  The original RLT was done BEFORE HRT was started.  I did my own form of a RLT for a year before I made any decision to take any sort of drug with those kind of powerful side effects, and decided against it.

It seems the cart is before the horse in this case.

Seven months on HRT here, and I had very little RLT until the last few weeks... still won't have a lot until I go to live at my new university in Fall.  I've cherished every chance for RLE's when they came around, such as a recent trip to the mountains with accepting friends.

I'm sure a trial is important for many people, especially if you're in question, but it's not for everyone.  If someone isn't questioning why is a trial needed for hormones? 

Should a girl with AIS be required to wait till after high school as a trial to be deemed ready to start hormones?  No, nor should a TS girl unless they seem to be in question or confusion.

[K8]

RLE or RLT is full time 24/7 for at least a year.  Going to the store or out with friends once in a while is valuable experience, but it's not RLE.  I don't think RLE has anything to do with hormones - it is living in the target gender all the time. 

Whether you start hormones before or after you start RLE isn't important, although usually each of us is ready to start hormones before we are ready live full time (RLE).

RLE is not slipping back into your old gender role when that is more convenient or when you are forced to for some reason.  RLE is living the new gender role all the time, day after day, month after month, for at least a year.

I've learned to be pretty flexible in my life, but this is not one of those "sort of" things.

- Kate

[Jay]

It is hard not to jump straight in but you do have to ease yourself in to it, just like everything.

Jay

[Inanna]

It is hard not to jump straight in but you do have to ease yourself in to it, just like everything.

Wise words!  Trying to live full-time immediately before any other steps may be the reason many people stop their transition before it's been given a chance to truly succeed.

Gradualism is the one of the main tenets I live my life by.

RLE or RLT is full time 24/7 for at least a year.  Going to the store or out with friends once in a while is valuable experience, but it's not RLE.  I don't think RLE has anything to do with hormones - it is living in the target gender all the time. 

Whether you start hormones before or after you start RLE isn't important, although usually each of us is ready to start hormones before we are ready live full time (RLE).

RLE is not slipping back into your old gender role when that is more convenient or when you are forced to for some reason.  RLE is living the new gender role all the time, day after day, month after month, for at least a year.

I agree, Kate, but... If I'm kicked out of my home or my religious college before I transfer, there'll be major consequences that go beyond inconvenient.

That's why I couldn't have the RLE required for hormones by most doctors, not to mention therapy's cost is out of my reach right now.  Thankfully I found an endo that prescribed them when I went to him in my new role and told him I was going to take them anyway. 

*Opinion warning* I think there needs to be an updated set of standards for those who aren't legally independent yet or still in school.  Going to see a therapist or going full-time for months just isn't an option for some people that fully or partially rely on their parents financially.  Also, expecting a high schooler or college student to afford therapy on top of other transitioning costs is highly unreasonable, and different routes to hrt/srs need to be available.  *rant over*