a question has arisen....

[kimi]

this is the question...
even when i do go through my srs and ffs and hormones and all... am i still pretending to be a girl?  since other than "looking" like a girl (via surgeries) i will have to imitate the walk, talk and outward mannerisms that a real girl has naturally...

i hope i do not offend anyone, but this question was asked of me and i did not know how to defend that i feel like a female... my innerself... is female...

thank you for your help in advance...
kimi

[ilikepotatoes]

All girls learn how to be women through socialization and instruction with other females. Trans women just usually have to learn later on.

[Ellieka]

It all comes naturally. After a several months it will just be second nature. Confidence is key.

[kimi]

thank you for your answers to my question... i am just starting this journey and a few people are trying to disueade me from my chosen path.

i know what i am, and what i must do... at any price....

kimi

[Syne]

Just laugh at them, it is the only response.

Do all women act, look, and behave the same way? No, they do not.

I used to get the reverse when I first transitioned or when someone finds out I am T. "You move just like a woman does, very natural." I then ask what it is that they mean and you know what? They cannot quantify it either.

[Ms.Behavin]

Too me it was more that I had pretended to be a guy for so long.  Now it seems that who I am now is who I always was.  Nope does not feel like pretend at all. I AM a woman.

Some of us are just made that way.

Beni

[Lisa Harney]

this is the question...
even when i do go through my srs and ffs and hormones and all... am i still pretending to be a girl?  since other than "looking" like a girl (via surgeries) i will have to imitate the walk, talk and outward mannerisms that a real girl has naturally...

i hope i do not offend anyone, but this question was asked of me and i did not know how to defend that i feel like a female... my innerself... is female...

thank you for your help in advance...
kimi

You're female. You're not really male. You're not really a man. You're not pretending. Those mannerisms that you're describing don't come naturally, but through socialization.

[stacyB]

Lots of contradictory statements fly about...

Is it strictly socialization? Certainly thats a large factor...

Is it chemical? No one can deny that HRT changes your emotions and moods...

Is it wiring? We know what gender we are in our minds, in our heads...

Thats the one I would choose... I am female, irrespective of hormones, mannerisms, social values, etc. The other parts just help to shape the clay into a vase or a cup... but clay is clay, and our wiring is what makes us who we are. Thats why there is no "cure", why we have to make this journey...

Technically, the only "pretend" thing is we cant change our chromosome pairs... XY cant become XX, and vice versa... but so what? Does that really matter?

[Sandy]

this is the question...
even when i do go through my srs and ffs and hormones and all... am i still pretending to be a girl?  since other than "looking" like a girl (via surgeries) i will have to imitate the walk, talk and outward mannerisms that a real girl has naturally...

i hope i do not offend anyone, but this question was asked of me and i did not know how to defend that i feel like a female... my innerself... is female...

thank you for your help in advance...
kimi

The girl is on the inside, Kimi, and she is hardly an imitation.

You will make your outsides match the way you are on the inside, that's all.

Little girls learn to become young ladies through practice and imitation.  But they get to do it over a period of years.  You, will have to hit the ground running, so to speak.  Sorry, that's just the way things are.  But you're up to it, I'm sure.

Also, as girls become women, their bodies change greatly.  Much more than the way a boys body becomes a man.  Much of the way that women walk, for example is determined by how wide their hip bone is.  Yours is much slimmer, but not all women have wide hips.  So not all women walk the same either.

They do walk with poise, though, mostly.  And that is what you may have to learn.  Watch women, all types of women.  Watch how they move, walk, gesture.  Much of this will come naturally to you as you learn to have a more visible expression of emotion externally.

Take it a step at a time, hon.  You'll be fine.

But you are no imitation, you are the real deal!

-Sandy

[Vicky]

I tend to go with the school that says that ALL human behavior is Learned and none is "inate".  "Behavior" taught young enough that only the learning of the survival tools at all will be remembered, and not which ones were taught to us, we will just do them  If we are gender euphoric, then we call them the tools of our character.  If we are gender dysphoric, we see them as tools that were inappropriately forced on us and are at odds with our character.

I am one of those who loves to learn new skills, and as a result my behavioral feminizing is a kick to the point that every now and then I confuse myself and forget who I am.  No barroom brawls while I am en-femme, but today I stay out of bar rooms on general principal.

[GinaDouglas]

I agree with Vicky, it's all learned.  But you have to keep in mind that there are things that are deliberately, consciously learned, and things that are learned simply by observation, absorption and intuition.  Many transwomen deliberately learn feminine mannerisms and the like, and many find that they seem to come naturally.  But, in the latter case, these things have been learned the same way young children learn language.

[Dennis]

The girl is on the inside, Kimi, and she is hardly an imitation.

You will make your outsides match the way you are on the inside, that's all.

Little girls learn to become young ladies through practice and imitation.  But they get to do it over a period of years.  You, will have to hit the ground running, so to speak.  Sorry, that's just the way things are.  But you're up to it, I'm sure.

Also, as girls become women, their bodies change greatly.  Much more than the way a boys body becomes a man.  Much of the way that women walk, for example is determined by how wide their hip bone is.  Yours is much slimmer, but not all women have wide hips.  So not all women walk the same either.

They do walk with poise, though, mostly.  And that is what you may have to learn.  Watch women, all types of women.  Watch how they move, walk, gesture.  Much of this will come naturally to you as you learn to have a more visible expression of emotion externally.

Take it a step at a time, hon.  You'll be fine.

But you are no imitation, you are the real deal!

-Sandy

I'll have to disagree with you here, Sandy. I spent my whole teen years being told how to sit (legs apart is apparently a no-no). How to walk (big steps, not good), how to stand (equal weight, feet shoulder width apart, too masculine). Nothing of that feminine stuff came with my physiology. It came through repeated, scorning reinforcement. And it didn't stick too well. One of my friends that I've known for about 30 years said "was it hard to learn how to walk like a guy?". I said "do I walk any differently now?" He said, er no, I didn't.

Got nothing to do with hip size. I have smaller hips than my dad did and he certainly didn't sashay. What it was for me, was shedding years of being tormented about not moving femininely, and feeling like I was tied up or something when I tried to. I suspect that the girl inside you is waiting to come out. But I have lots of female friends who also move forcefully, strongly, and take their space in the world, who aren't trans and aren't lesbian. That way of moving too is female. Move how it feels natural to you, but think about how much of how you move is socially ground into you and find your comfortable stride.

Dennis

[Blaire]

i agree with Sandra, spend as much time as you can "observing" women. women of all ages and races. i do. i study the way theywalk, the way they interact and the way they dress. i look at the make up and try to understand why they do things a certain way. this helps me a lot.
i have also noticed that the longer i am on hormones the "way" i see things changes. for instance before i never understood the thing about shoes, now i "understand". a pair of shoes can make or break a outfit. lol

but even more than that as time passes with the HRT you'll start to think in ways that you never did before and interacting with women will change also. as will mannerisims and such.

to quote my therapist........." just have fun with it and don't worry about the mistakes you make, learn from them and go on"

everyone of us trans or not is constantly learning because the world around us is constantly changing on us.


again just have fun, go with flow and be yourself. then you'll be successful at your transition.

[Genevieve Swann]

Mannerisms will probably come naturally. I know that I was taught to act like a boy. During puberty many of my actions were too feminine and I was chastised. Being macho was a requirement. Football, hunting, riding broncs at a rodeo were all things that were expected of me. I didn't do any of them. I wanted to be a cheerleader so I could wear a cute skirt and be bouncy. Basically we are molded by society. Once outside of the "Norm" we can mold ourselves to the true person we really need to be.

[Lori]

I'd say it was pretty natural for me so far. I drive my wife insane acting like a girl all the time. I don't even know I'm doing it. It just happens. It would be better if I actually looked like a girl. 90+ days and counting does not a girl make.

[Janet_Girl]

We have all be in training all of our lives.  Through observation.  Then be letting the inner woman come to the surface and take over, the training takes over.  The only pretending was being the male person.

I do not pretend to be a woman, because I am.  I just have a birth defect that is being corrected.

Janet

[Zelane]

Just think about this:

A girl learn how to become a woman, they learn by association and imitating and well... practicing and pretending games and such.

Some girls take more time to become women, well its called puberty and it brings physical and psychological changes.


You (if you know who you are and its in fact this) are a girl that its barely starting to become a woman. You will go trough a puberty of sorts. Learning how to be a woman. But being a girl thats part of your gender (if your gender its female)

[cindybc]

I have been living as my true self going to a decade now. To me being who I am was the most natural and normal thing to do. Much of what surfaced was instinctive and intuitive.

I learned much through the past years through observation, socializing with other women, and the estrogen did it's part rerouting the neural pathways to connect mind body and soul as one.

Looking back on my life, I can see that I was never what the outside presented, and I had always felt alienated from the rest of society for a good many years. I was not even very good at acting out who I was supposed to be on the outside, because the outside was a sham, fraudulent. The true self was within all along.

I am who I am, I am a woman.
Cindy

[LordKAT]

.. am i still pretending to be a girl?


I can't say I ever pretended to be a guy, I've aways been one, someone just screwed up and gave my girl parts.......you can have 'em