thinking why to bother going on..

[Myself]

there must be a way to change the skeleton, just as the skull has surgeries.. just as we break bones and we get them surgically re-attached

[stacyB]

I see the will to fight for your life in you... thats a good thing, the fact you are posting shows that you are still fighting...

I wasnt much older than you when I looked into the abyss. It can be very depressing when we cant envision our self image in a positive light. Body build is but one way we beat ourselves up. There are so many others... but somehow there is always a way to get past it. I can tell you with absolute certainty... looking back its the one thing I am glad I didnt succeed at. I cant prove it to you, but if you hang on and fight your way back to happiness, you will not regret it.

You see how many others here have responded... so clearly you are not alone. People here do care and do give a damn. We cant replace your parents apathetic and/or indifferent attitude. But we are still here...

[Nero]

there must be a way to change the skeleton, just as the skull has surgeries.. just as we break bones and we get them surgically re-attached

As others have mentioned, it sounds as though you're obsessing over something you can't fix. You can't undo all of what puberty did to you. No matter what, you're just not going to have the skeleton of a female. But that does not mean that you can't pass and live life as a beautiful woman. I'd concentrate on getting on hormones now before more damage is done. God grant me the serenity and all that...

[Syne]

I will never pass.

I will always look like a linebacker in drag.

If only I had never lifted weights and gone into bodybuilding.

If I had started therapy sooner.

If I had come out earlier.

If I did not have to wait so long for surgery.

I will just keep going as is and hope that I die an early death.

No one would ever want me for who I am.

I could never afford surgery.

I'd be better off dead.

All of those above were me. I saw even just going to therapy to be an insurmountable wall. Slowly though I worked through everything. Steps forward and steps back but with the goal of one day living as I wanted to live. I sacrificed myself and my happiness for others and wondered if I would ever really be happy. Hardly any friends to speak of at all and none that were very close. Worked minimum wage and retail for so long that I never thought I would get out.

Slowly, over a decade, I overcame everything. Others have done the same. Some had it harder and others much easier. yet we had all tread on a path that was shared in part. There have been crutches needed on the way. A good friend, medication, a doctor visit, posting on a forum....

There is a word that is thrown about here and there. Karma. It is action. As in taking and owning the actions in your life, realizing that what you do and think now will impact you in the future.

You have an energy in you, that is a good thing. You may not recognize it now but it is evident in what you have posted. Find it. Harness it. Overcome the obstacles put in front of you even if it takes years. It is a difficult journey but like all journeys, it starts with a single small step.

[NicholeW.]

there must be a way to change the skeleton, just as the skull has surgeries.. just as we break bones and we get them surgically re-attached

There are some ways, although shortening and reducing arms and legs and spreading a pelvis and shortening shoulders are not among them.

Rib removals are possible, but you cannot bend your ribs to make the chest cavity smaller. FFS can shave off bone and reshape the skull. But you should also know that those ops are more expensive and more painful than SRS. The rib removal can cause other problems as can severe corseting (also done by MTFs.) To have some ribs removed is not only costly materially, but can be costly to your health, it leaves organs exposed to trauma that are normally protected by your rib-cage, all of your rib-cage.

Finding a way to leave your parental home may not be easy, but you have the capability of doing so if you really wish it. Just a rule of thumb: "What your heart's desire truly is you eventually receive if you stay focused on it and keep working toward it." Some things may be improbable, but very little is impossible.

But there's more, isn't there? More holding you back at this time. I'd say you'd be better served by exploring that with your therapist.

[tekla]

Some things may be improbable, but very little is impossible.

Though realistic standards sure help.

[NicholeW.]

And yes, realistic standards instead of magical thinking is most helpful in winnowing the possible from the extraordinarily improbable and from the impossible.

[Kyla]

I found life can be so difficult to those of us who fall into the "Transsexual" category. We are some of the most resilient people on the planet, we overcome so much in our lifetime just to be aligned to who we really are. We lose family, friends, and so much more along the way.

Often times I'm envious of my brother or sister who just have to worry about making a living and being the best people they can be. They don't have to worry about the prejudice society, or what it will ever feel to be like in the wrong body. It feels horrible to get dealt the wild card and worry about issues pertaining to a condition that is not socially met by society.

I'm not there yet, but I believe when I come out of this experience, I will be on top of the world. I will have went through what very few people go through, and I will be stronger for it. In the end, we have to be who we really are - I can't live with myself being male, so I will become female. It doesn't matter to me what other people think of my condition, I plan on moving forward anyways, at least that way I can have some peace of mind.

Also, I don't recommend cutting or hurting yourself. I started to do that while I was in the military, and I have several scars that I regret.

[Witch of Hope]

I will never pass.
I will always look like a linebacker in drag.

It is so sad that you can't see my pic from the time as I start my transition until today. I worked at that time as a butcher, and i look alike as a butcher. If you would find a little feminine part into my face or my body, i would give to you 100$. There was nothing to find.
Now i look, besides my high, very feminine and my voice is also. All this is not only the result of hormons and diet/sport,it is also the result of :

• To love yourself
• To take care of yourself

• To accept the things which can't be changed, and to work on it, and
• To make your imperfections to your strength.

This change you more than Hormones or a surgery can do!