Introduction, and a question about transitioning, RLE, and privacy concerns

[K8]

If you have trouble reverting to your male presentation after a short excursion, you may very well have one helluva time after one month.  You need to consider how you will deal with that.

I still don't get your reluctance with therapy.  If you can't be perfectly honest with your therapist, who can you be honest with?  And how much help can they give you if you can't be honest with them?  In my experience, therapy isn't like taking medicine.  Therapy is a slow, gradual process with a few quick insights here and there, but the quick parts happen unpredictably.  Therapy is a process where you learn to be honest with yourself - a difficult, sometimes painful processs.  IMHO hiding things from your therapist sets you up for failure.

You can have a wonderful time playing at being a woman for a month.  I hope it helps you discover what it is you really want.

*hugs*
Kate

[Janet_Girl]

When I was part time, I went everywhere.  Some were just plain scary, others were a breeze.  For me the best test was when I walked into a truck stop, with a friend, and may have been clocked but never confronted.

That was a mini RLT for me.  And I learned a lot from it.  When it became hard to return to the male mode, I knew that it was time to go into full time.  I have been full time for 9 months now.

I have been back to that same truck stop, with friends and everyone knows me.  Maybe I am the "->-bleeped-<- of the T/A", but that is fine with me.  Because I am accepted there and feel that I am protected by the staff, at least in the restaurant and bar.  And, yes, I go to a straight trucker bar with friends.  And I get hit on all the time. 

Janet

[Kathrin]

When I was part time, I went everywhere.  Some were just plain scary, others were a breeze.  For me the best test was when I walked into a truck stop, with a friend, and may have been clocked but never confronted.

I was dressed in significantly unmasculine clothing, and did a road trip from Houston to Austin - we ended up in Truck stops, in the Mall.  I didn't pass.  Nobody cared.

It was truly an amazing feeling.

[Interconnected]

Hi
It's a workable plan, and if you are young go for it. Laser and electro take time, don't know how hairy you are . Do you present ok? Nothing wrong if you don't. If you can get a job as fem. One it's a job. two it helps pay the bills. Three you are RLE.
Good Luck Honey
And welcome
Cindy

Hi!  I present ok -- I have fairly feminine features, a thin body, etc. -- but I am quite tall at 6' and have large hands and feet, which is a little frustrating.  I'm very lucky to not have all that much hair, but I think laser is almost becoming a definite at this point, reason being it will help hugely with my passing and doesn't seem all that drastic a step for me.  (I hate shaving even for my boy-mode existence.)   


Post Merge: June 09, 2009, 10:15:53 PM

Welcome to Susan's, Amy. 

It is scary to start on this process, but I think living full time is toward the end of it rather than a trial run in the beginning.  If you aren't even willing to have your therapy on record, I wonder if you've come to terms with being TG in your own mind.  To me, that's the first, vital step - accepting who and what you are.

What about friends, family, acquaintances, the gal at the coffee shop where you get your espresso every morning?

From a practical standpoint, you will probably need quite a few laser treatments before you'll see enough of a difference to make it worthwhile.  As for hormones, I've been on hormones for two months and haven't noticed any mental changes from the E but noticed a huge change after only three days on the anti-androgen.  If you're only concerned about a one-month test run, you won't need estrogen.

If you want to essentially cross-dress for a month, go for it.  And maybe that will help you decide what you want to do.  But to make the transition and live full time involves an awful lot more than what you see in the mirror.

Good luck on your journey, wherever it may take you.

- Kate

Hi Kate!  I've completely accepted the fact that I'm transgendered; the big question at this point is what I want or need to do about it.  For me personally I think that having to present as a woman for (several weeks?  a couple months?) and work during that time would give me a really good taste of what day-to-day life might be like should I decide to transition.  My not wanting permanant effects from hormones during that time period and being cautious about privacy is to protect me in the event that I decide I do not want to transition completely.   As for coming out to my family, etc., I believe that should only become necessary if at some point I decide to transition.
Post Merge: June 09, 2009, 11:26:36 PM

It seems well thought out.  If you decide to actually permanently change your gender, you will spend virtually all of your time in society so learning how to deal with being a woman in society it an excellent introduction.  Especially if you decide to work/volunteer in an area that while may know of your history will still accept and interact with you as a woman.  Also the whole issue of getting up, getting ready, going to "work", is all part of interacting with society.

Thank you for the response, Sandy.    The first part of your post perfectly articulated the biggest reason for my wanting to do this:  getting exposure to the societal aspect of being transgendered. 

As for the self-medication, that's definitely not for me.  Too many scary risks, for sure.... 
Post Merge: June 10, 2009, 12:33:10 AM

That all seems a bit strange to me personally. You seem to be viewing this as a test.

Well, back in the day it was set up as just that, a real life test.  A test to make sure that its what you really wanted, and that the price you were going to pay was not going to be too much.  The price is steep, make sure it's what you really want, that its going to make you what you feel you must be, need to be, should be.

It used to be required BEFORE any real treatments were prescribed under the old SoC, but it seems to have gone by the wayside.  For a lot of people who could go either way its a good way to find out if doing it is going to make the huge difference you seek, or if its just going to be a different way to go about getting the same crap.

What you wrote about it being helpful for those who could go either way completely applies to me, actually.  As certain as I am that I'm transgendered, I've always functioned very well outwardly in society as a male.  Inwardly.....not so much.    Hence my need to test some waters....
Post Merge: June 10, 2009, 01:39:20 AM

I seem to be in the same boat as you, I have no started doing much of anything to further my progression to the other side of the gender spectrum, albeit I'm a bit younger than you (22). However, I know I'm a female inside a male body, and I don't really care how I go about achieving it, but I will be female some day.

I'm not sure what exactly having libido is like, because I've never really been sexually attracted to anything (females, males, rocks, etc...). I'm pretty sure you are the only one who knows what is best for you, and what exactly you need to do. If you think this is the best method to approach the issue, than this is what you should do.

Just my two cents, which amounts to a lot less these days

Thanks, Kyla.    I'm glad there are others who are in my same boat.  On one hand I wish I'd transitioned when I was your age, but on the other I'm appreciative of the added stability, wisdom from life experiences, etc. I have compared to when I was younger. 
Post Merge: June 10, 2009, 02:48:05 AM

The only concern that I have with your plan is this:

 
It's quite possible that you may be setting yourself up for failure before you really even start. Please don't take this as me being judgmental, I'm not. Your success and everyone else's in their RLT is what I truely hope to see happen. The level of RLT you propose to engage in is, to me, one in which a person might want to have had some time out in the world on shorter excursions first in order to "hone or refine" themselves. To see what they might need to work on or at to help them succeed better and gain confidence in yourself first. You will have set backs. Having one in a "trial" RLT may cause you to cancel the whole thought all together. And, the issue that causes you to cancel RLT may only be a very minor one at that. Something you could, with time adjust yourself too and deal with, had you only been on a, say, weekend outing? This would, to me, be a very sad thing to see happen to someone who really would otherwise quite possibly make it work. It's a lot of time and a lot of money to invest as well as personal emotional costs to put at risk.

Thanks, Dawn!  Point very well taken.  I've actually been spending more and more time out and about as Amy lately, to the point where I really think I'll be ready for a mini-RLT if and when that time comes.  This past weekend, for example, I spent 3 continuous days en femme the entire time and hit up a couple malls, several restaurants, the post office, lots of stores, etc.  Of course I still have a lot of work ahead with my voice and mannerisms, etc., but it's coming.  At this point I really think the biggest challenge during the mini-RLT would be work -- not so much the "finding" part (since I can always volunteer someplace), but the courage part....

How exciting that you just started your RLT test!  I would love to hear more about it.  Good luck with it!
Post Merge: June 10, 2009, 03:52:47 AM

In SF everyone notices, but few care is pretty much what I've found. There are many things to do, places to get involved, groups that meet at the LGBTXYZ Center, political groups, social groups, hell, the Giants even have a couple of LGBT days.

That's what I love about living in San Francisco -- so few people actually care about someone presenting as the opposite gender, especially when you consider all the *really* fascinating people around to stare at. 

[Mister]

That's what I love about living in San Francisco -- so few people actually care about someone presenting as the opposite gender, especially when you consider all the *really* fascinating people around to stare at. 

One day, when I was feeling low and thinking I was the biggest freak on the block, a guy came rollerblading by in a speedo, top hat and a cape made out of plastic bottles.  Case closed.

[xsocialworker]

One month is not a good real life test. I know from personal experience that going to upscale places where management does not want a scene is fun, but does not prepare you for the day you come home and your neighbor's kid is having a party and you have to walk through 100 some teen-agers.If you can do that and not hear a single question about your identity, you passed a RLT.

[K8]

One month is not a good real life test. I know from personal experience that going to upscale places where management does not want a scene is fun, but does not prepare you for the day you come home and your neighbor's kid is having a party and you have to walk through 100 some teen-agers.If you can do that and not hear a single question about your identity, you passed a RLT.

One month might give you an idea, but you're right that isn't that much of a test.  During my first month I was still finding my way.  In the second month I have really begun to settle into being Kate.  I've noticed a big shift in my thinking about myself and my transition in the last couple of weeks.  I can't wait to see what month three is like.

- Kate

[Lacey Lynne]

To Interconnected:

Great plan you've got here.  Hope it really works out for you.  Here's the thing about there being no medical record of any of this:

Try as you may, you can never really be sure that no record of any kind (especially partial though disjointed ones) will not exist somewhere at sometime.  That's because of the Information Age in which we live, Hon.

For eleven years, I worked as a medical transcriptionist for a major hospital.  These are the people who actually CREATE the medical records.  What I learned in over a decade of doing this kind of work is that today's technology is ... A-M-A-Z-I-N-G !  "They" have info on all of us that you wouldn't even believe.  Moreover, a while back when The Neoconservatives (Dick Cheney and company) were still in power, they passed The Patriot Act and much other legislation that, for all intents and purposes, puts us in an "Information Age Nazi Germany" meaning that they can (AND DO!) gather scads and scads of info on and about ... all of us ... without your consent ... without your knowledge .... and without concern about what you would think about it anyway.  Is Big Brother watching us?  You bet your sweet bippy he is, Babbalou!  And, that's no lie!

Go to any shopping mall, big-box store, even many highways (I kid you not!) these days, and, "Smile!  You're on candid camera!"  I'm totally serious.  Look, if you have one of the better smartphones on the market today, you have a camera on it the size of a pencil eraser that is just awesome. 

There are private cameras much smaller and much better than that.  Business and industry uses them all the time ... everywhere.  The government (Read The Military, CIA, FBI, BATF etc., etc., etc. ...) has technology that you just wouldn't believe.  No kidding.  And they use it ... all the time.  Anyway, ...

If you can actually go through the whole process you describe here with no record whatsoever of any of it being created anywhere, you will have lucked out bigtime.  That's the bad news.

The good news is that only partial records of this, that and/or the other act, process and/or procedure germane and apropos to your transition MAY exist somewhere but, by itself, will not mean much to anyone.  That being the case, it would take the will, the skill and the know-how to track it all back to you.  That's not likely to happen, really.  Somebody would REALLY have to want to know, be willing to pay to find out and hire the right people to piece it all together.  Again, that's not likely to happen, really.

Also, you can always take the stance, "So what if they know?"  Really, you can.  That's totally up to you though, of course.

I'd say, "Don't worry about it and just do your transition."  Just my opinion.  I might be wrong about this.  Just trying to help though.  Best of luck to you, Hon.  Hugs!