Getitng Ma'amed Without Getting Glammed

[Danya]

I haven't been sirred since before I started RLE and toward the end I was getting mamm'd in drab probably 50% of the time.

I really do not think the "M" on a driver's license gets noticed. I go to Canada every 2 weeks and it is "Hello ma'am" and "goodbye maam" everytime. In both directions. It is odd but I think they never look at it.

I have I think fortunately solved the problem of being discovered and causing receptionist confusion at the hospital during blood tests. My insurance finally changed my name (actually it was being read most of the time as "Danielle" rather than "Daniel") and my insurance also made the mistake of reassigning me as "F". Not sure if I should do anything about that one. Also at the hospital they changed my name before insurance did, without even showing them a court order.

This is great for me since it was essentially the last place I was going with the bit of annoyance of discovery. Of course there are some people who know, I am not in stealth, but in situations with strangers this is a great relief to be just who and what I am without being conspicuous.

One thing I have noticed is that perhaps some people think they are being read when they are not--A couple of times I have left situations upset and convinced I had been read, judging by the rudeness I encountered. But later, in further contact with the same people, it turned out my fears were groundless....unless macho guys have suddenly started calling other guys or TS's "honey" and "dear." Probably a lot of us are a little too self-conscious during our transitions.

[TaraJo]

I walked out of the house today putting practically no effort into looking girly.  I was ready for some funny looks.  Instead I got ma'amed where ever I went.

Go figure!

Julie

Actually, an incident like that is kinda what convinced me I'm ready to go full-time.  I went out, presenting as male and I still got called ma'am.  When that happens, I guess boy-mode is officially done, isn't it?

[janine]

Me, too. It's happening a lot lately. I was wearing a gray male suit, no tie, no makeup, and a cashier said to me, "You'll have to run your card through again ma'am, it didn't take." When I'm androgenous it happens a lot. This time I presented myself as male. It must be the pheronemes.
Janine

[Pippa]

good for you.   I wish I was as passable.   I know I am not passable yet but I am getting on with my life as the true me, warts and all.   Most people have the manners to keep their prejudices to themselves however, I was out shopping today and overheard a lady commenting.   Her exact words were 'Oh that is horrible, it's one of them'. 

I acted as if I had not heard.   To be honest, when I saw her, she looked more like a man in drag than I did.

I was hurt by her comments and almost felt like telling her to keep her thoughts to herself.  I am stronger than that.

I will be passable eventually, even if it the surgeon's knife has to come out, and I am not afraid to be the real me.   Other people's prejudices are their problem, not mine.

[Tammy Hope]

Not sure this fits in but I was at Wal Mart picking up a cash transfer at the desk, for which you have to provide ID.

I showed her my license, which photo was taken before I altered my appearance and the lady had to ask her co-worker if she agreed that the person pictured was actually me.

[The None Blonde]

First time i was 'miss'ed, I was in tesco at university getting some groceries, and I went to ask at the help desk for something, in just baggy jeans, hoodie, no makeup, still sortof androgynous before full time.... guy goes to his friend : 'hey x. can you help this girl out while i do y?'

Was good, at the time. Not been called sir or him in roughly 3 years now lol, banish the boy!

[Pippa]

Just thinking about the comments made by the woman on Saturday.   I know I have a long way to go to reach my goal of full femininity but I take one thing out of it.   At least someone has recognised me for who I really am.   They may not have liked it but that is their problem.

On a similar note, I walked past a man who worked as a temp in the office for several months.   I was positive that he would recognise me.   He was oblivious.   Shows you the difference between male and female perception.

I love being a woman.   I love everything about it, make up, clothes, gossip and the sense of calm wellbeing eostrogen brings.   I cannot wait for further improvements to occur.

[Tammy Hope]

Interesting day today (to me at least)

I got my license photo redone (it looks like my av now which, as pitiful as that is, it's a huge improvement)

Then we went to Merle Norman to ask about a question my wife had and while we were checking out a display of rings one of the staff walked by and said "you girls doing alright today?"

Later, we were picking up a couple of burgers for the kids at MickyD's and we ran into a lady we used to go to church with back before i came out and I was basically presenting fem, like in the av right?

And there wasn't any confused looks, or strained voice or anything that would have made you think she was uncomfortable with the situation.

I continue to be of the impression that almost everyone around here just "rolls with it"

I've heard stories of people talking about me after I left at a place or two but for the most part, no one acts as if anything unusual is going on.

(oh, and I updated my myspace page and took the privacy shield off it. so anyone local who turns me up in a search can see the full explanation of what's going on with me if they want.

I figure it's hardly any secret anymore so that's one way to "have my say" with people given you seldom get a chance to just discuss it with people)

[K8]

Good for you, Laura.

I think it is a circular thing - the more we relax into it, the more those around us relax into it, which helps us relax into it.  (Other than the odd jerk, of course. )

The longer I am Kate, the more I realize what a long, involved process this is.  Sure, we can dress up and have our hair done, but to BE this person we were meant to be takes a lot of adjustment on our part and the part of everyone around us.

Congrats on your new DL picture!  Each of these steps count and lead in the right direction.

- Kate

[Tammy Hope]

One thing that I like is that I sometimes pick up a very subtle "girl connection" with some of the women i see every day. There are a couple of young checkers at the grocery we usually use (one of them I know is still in high school) and it's not uncommon for one of them to share a tip about some hair product or something. fr instance, my wife had mentioned to one with long har that she liked the curls in her hair and the girl recommended a rpoduct, which we bought, and which I have used a few times including today.

Well today the other girl ask me - in what seemed to be the same sort of thing she'd have said to any other girl "what did you do to your hair?" and we chatted a second about how much we liked what the product did.

The same girl (with the long hair) had recommended some cholesterol stuff as a conditioner (we actually had overheard her suggesting it to someone else and ask about it) and today's conversation began with the second girl asking us had we tried it and what did we think of it?

I mean - it's really innocent stuff but I just soak it up.

At another store today I asked a stocker about a particular product i couldn't find and he started a "sir" (based on my voice I gues) and double-taked and switched to ma'am.

Poor confused thing.


Post Merge: October 25, 2009, 02:33:05 PM
ok, this is a first.

At the drive through yesterday, ordered a drink, and the girl replies with a "please drive around ma'am"

!!!!!!!!!

I'm reasonably sure there's no camera there - and if not she ma'amed me on my VOICE!

I find that so hard to believe that I'm almost resigning myself to the idea that there's a camera I don't know about.

On the other hand, I like it so much I might rather not know...

[K8]

Hey, go with it Laura!

The first time I got a sales call and they called me my dead wife's name throughout the conversation, when I finally hung up I was so excited I almost passed out.

Ah, these little things are SO important.  Crumbs for the starving.  Hallelujah!

- Kate

[The None Blonde]

What people here seem to miss, is that when you relax, and roll with it... and stop taking things so seriously... a ball gown to the grocery store etc.. People out there really arent looking for trans... or even aware to a large extent, or overall, Care... there are feminine guys, and masculine women, people just see what they want to. Relaxed presentation tends to lead towards the viewer just seeing the presentation. If you're too dolled up for the situation, it generally sticks out.... trans or not. If you look like you belong, then people dont question it.

[Naturally Blonde]

What people here seem to miss, is that when you relax, and roll with it... and stop taking things so seriously... a ball gown to the grocery store etc.. People out there really aren't looking for trans... or even aware to a large extent, or overall, Care... there are feminine guys, and masculine women, people just see what they want to. Relaxed presentation tends to lead towards the viewer just seeing the presentation. If you're too dolled up for the situation, it generally sticks out.... trans or not. If you look like you belong, then people dont question it.

A very good post from you non blonde. It's like a white dot on a black background and less is more. The more casual and relaxed you are the more your feminine feature's will show up. If you dress up too much the more the male feature's will show. I pass best in jeans and T shirt with no make up.

[The None Blonde]

Not necesserily... My point wasnt being more plain = more female. However, it was that dressing apropriately to the situation is key. Women have years to learn this... whats suitable where.... once you get that, you blend in. Its not a matter of wearing sack cloth to a ball so you look more feminine... by all means, wear a ball gown.... But wearing that same ballgown and evening makeup to the store for a pint of milk? nah.... people see someone out of place, and pay attention, you look like you belong, and they dont question what they see... just another woman or man. Its when you dont fit they question why... and if its there to see... they will notice.

[Naturally Blonde]

Not necesserily... My point wasnt being more plain = more female. However, it was that dressing apropriately to the situation is key. Women have years to learn this... whats suitable where.... once you get that, you blend in. Its not a matter of wearing sack cloth to a ball so you look more feminine... by all means, wear a ball gown.... But wearing that same ballgown and evening makeup to the store for a pint of milk? nah.... people see someone out of place, and pay attention, you look like you belong, and they dont question what they see... just another woman or man. Its when you dont fit they question why... and if its there to see... they will notice.

Yes, I imagine it's difficult for those who are new to being feminine. I started as I meant to go on as far back as a kid and have stuck to a feminine appearance throughout, so I feel more natural. I think some recent transitioners do have problems with knowing what to wear and what is appropriate.

[The None Blonde]

Its like a teenage thing... you stop wearing kids stuff and get to dress like a real woman finally! And invariably you go too far.., too grown up, too much makeup.... the usuals. It's over compensating and misjudging, but experience countermands it and you begin to learn. The sooner and more effectively one asymilates into the female social system, the faster one's fashion sense/sense of apropriateness in grooming and apearance develops... there are no shortcuts... we make our mistakes, and we learn from them, its just less time to make up the difference, and generally not the time when its expected for females to be 'experimenting' that way.

[Alyssa M.]

I hear people say this, but for me it's been just the opposite. I always found it hard to dress appropriately as a guy, but fitting among women has been like falling off a log. If anything, I tend to by less flashy than the women around me, since I just don't have that many accessories or quite the extensive wardrobe, so what I do have tends to be heavy on the basics. I have always been more tuned in to how women around me looked, while pretty much ignoring the men.

I do "experiment" -- in front of a mirror, whether at home, at friend's houses, or in a fitting room at a store.

[deviousxen]

Why do I always pass when I have facial hair, and not when I have shaved my face...?


I always get the whole, "Sir... Uh.. Miss? Uh... Dinosaur? ... Uh... Hamburglar?" Reaction when I have slight scruff...


But when its not and I have a SLIGHT shadow but no hair, I NEVER seem to pass...

Is this just a weird coincidence with me? Or do they think I'm a cross dressing girl more when there's scruff, versus not a girl at all with the shadow? Or something nuts like that?

[V M]

It took awhile to figure out. But when I have a bit of scruff, women will say "are you okay dear?"

For some reason they think it has something to be with being depressed.

Granted, I do get depressed at times...But that has nothing to do with plucking or shaving

[aubrey]

I didn't transition to be plain jane, sorry. I understand the point...but, there are plenty of women who don't want that for themselves. I'm not saying wear a ball gown to walmart, but, yeah... Maybe it's just where I live but most women over 18 seem to want to wear sweat pants and hoodies all of the time, that's the point where I say I'd rather not fit in.