Sometimes this is so hard...

[K8]

I've been Kate for almost nine weeks now, and I love it.  But sometimes it is just so hard. 

I would be devastated if I had to go back, but I've really not settled into being Kate yet.  I really haven't settled on a hair style.  Makeup isn't automatic yet.  I still haven't really settled on a clothing style – picking what clothes to wear in the morning can be a challenge.  I've even almost introduced myself in my old name a couple of times.   I still feel very much like I am in transition. 

I will be glad when I don't even have to think about being Kate, when it is automatic.

I know I have to press on, and I have absolutely no intention of going back to my male self – I waited too long for this and have wanted it so much and it has been so difficult – but sometimes I just want to relax and be me.  (Whatever that is.  )  I am Kate, but Kate is still work.

I'm sorry to whine.  I know that I am one of the luckiest people in the world.  Still, I'd like things to settle down.

- Kate

[Kara]

You've got to stop introducing yourself under your old name. You're not that person anymore, right? 

[Sandy]

After spending a lifetime introducing yourself as one name, to suddenly start using another can be confusing and if you aren't concentrating all the time, slip ups can happen.

Of all the people who knew me before, only my Son-In-Law has never, and I mean *never*, made a mistake with my name.  I've screwed up several times, but him, not once.  The man is unbelievable!

I also almost walked into the mens room at work once after I transitioned.  What an embarrassment!  Fortunately there was no one in there at the time.

-Sandy(what are all those white thingies attached to the wall for?)

[Melissa Ryan]

I guess your not alone. Not all that helpful to hear tho sorry. Even after a year full time I struggle with identity at times. All to often I hear my old name. I have taken to allowing someone 3 shots at it, if they still call me by my old name I correct them. For some it is working, for others they flatly refuse to call me Melissa or even Mel. It has brought me down so many times. Why cant people try to see, that there is just one me at a time they are dealing with, while I have a whole world to contend with. One of my partners friends gave me a servere scolding one night for reminding another there that my name is Melissa. I felt like a selfish cow the way she did that.

I guess we can be hard enough on ourselves without others adding to it as well. There are others in life however who will build with us, they are people worth knowing. Hard to find, but they are there. My current boss and myself have become very close friends. She tries to make sure that I know she cares about the way I feel. A new life, with new and caring people, it can be beautiful as well as hard. I hope that you can find your way with little pain. Good luck. 

[Tammy Hope]

Kate! Don't spoil the illusion! i picture you as having it all together, lol!

Seriously, I'm nowhere near you but I can kinda relate on one point. My desire and intent is to wear clothing that is kind of androgynous - fem stuff but not blatantly so.

And almost all of the female clothing I own is....obvious. So a lot of the time I debate about what to wear...not wanting the drab, not ready for what I want...and very little in between.

all that will be much better when the fat is gone...

[K8]

Thanks, all.   This was just another bump in the rocky road of life.

I was feeling unglamorous, wearing jeans and t-shirt but put on casual heels regardless and went grocery shopping at the military base 50 miles away.  My favorite bagger was in my line and recognized me from when I had presented male.  She was very friendly, as she always has been.  We had a nice chat, walking out to my car.  She finished by saying I looked good (emphasis hers).  After she went back inside I sat in the car for a while, pulling myself together before driving off.

Often it is the unexpected kindnesses we receive that keep us going.

Today I go to a big family event at my sister's.    I am ready.   I am Kate.   I am woman - hear me roar!

*hugs*
Kate

[Nero]

Thanks, all.   This was just another bump in the rocky road of life.

I was feeling unglamorous, wearing jeans and t-shirt but put on casual heels regardless and went grocery shopping at the military base 50 miles away.  My favorite bagger was in my line and recognized me from when I had presented male.  She was very friendly, as she always has been.  We had a nice chat, walking out to my car.  She finished by saying I looked good (emphasis hers).  After she went back inside I sat in the car for a while, pulling myself together before driving off.

Often it is the unexpected kindnesses we receive that keep us going.

Today I go to a big family event at my sister's.    I am ready.   I am Kate.   I am woman - hear me roar!

*hugs*
Kate

That's great hon. You go girl! 

[K8]

Thinking about this some more, you are right, Sandy.  It isn't that being Kate is hard - I LOVE being Kate.  What wears me down sometimes is the constant vigilance needed to change a lifetime of habits.  Now that I realize that, it will be easier.   Thanks.

Now, I've got to get ready to meet the family - need to look good. 

-K

[Janet_Girl]

I have those days myself.  Some days I just don't want to put on makeup.  I have no time to really do the eyebrows.  But every day I get up it is as Janet.  "He" is gone and not to return.  Sometimes I do hear myself think "Damn ~old male name~"  and this hand slaps my face.  I realize that after 54 years as him and only 9 going on 10 months as finally being Janet, it can happen.  No big deal though it is fairly new even to me. 

You'll be fine, Kate.  Like myself you are free at last.

Huggles Hon,
Janet

[FairyGirl]

nothing much to add, just hugs all around seems in order

[Janet_Girl]

Group Hug

[Melissa Ryan]

Group Hug

<smiles shyly> Thankyou, I liked that, its been a while 

[Starr]

I would be devastated if I had to go back, but I've really not settled into being Kate yet.  I really haven't settled on a hair style.  Makeup isn't automatic yet.  I still haven't really settled on a clothing style – picking what clothes to wear in the morning can be a challenge. 

This is true for other young girls as they get into their teens and start to learn how to wear makeup and find the clothes that work for them. For that matter, even adult women have trouble finding the right style; hence, all the makeover shows.

In many ways, it seems to me that transition is like a second puberty. You're like a teenager again, and it might take a bit of time for you to find the look you like and have it become effortless. But it will.

[K8]

In many ways, it seems to me that transition is like a second puberty. You're like a teenager again.

- Kate 

[heatherrose]

Were you really looking for a rose garden, Babe?

Unlearning decades of conditioned responses and habits, while at the same time
trying to learn things that you were never taught, in a matter of weeks? Don't be
so hard on yourself. This is is a monumental task and you have barely left the
basecamp in this climb. I'm told, "That when you reach the top, the view is
spectacular" The best part is once you've conquered the summit you
get to live the rest of your life knowing you did it.

[K8]

You're right of course, Heatherrose.  I just needed a pep talk.  (I need them once in a while.  Don't we all? )

Just as unexamined assumptions are so hard to overcome, our early training is hard to undo.  The learning of new habits is helped along by the freinds we see and the friends we have here.

I'm ready for the next leg of the climb, now.

- Kate

[Witch of Hope]

You've got to stop introducing yourself under your old name. You're not that person anymore, right? 

I agree with you. To love and accept yourself is the first step to healing.

[Buffy]

You just need to relax a bit Kate and slow down.

The early days of transition are one big heady adrenaline rush, you feel like your on top of the world and want to tell everyone what your doing and how the life time of hurt has been lifted...

You can try to hard, over do it, it takes time for the new you to develop, take that time and  learn to enjoy it, watch, listen and learn from the women around you and develop into your new life.

Rebecca

[NicholeW.]

You just need to relax a bit Kate and slow down.

The early days of transition are one big heady adrenaline rush, you feel like your on top of the world and want to tell everyone what your doing and how the life time of hurt has been lifted...

You can try to hard, over do it, it takes time for the new you to develop, take that time and  learn to enjoy it, watch, listen and learn from the women around you and develop into your new life.

Rebecca

In a post chock-full of good advice, this is prolly the best of it.

[heatherrose]

You just need to relax a bit Kate and slow down.

The early days of transition are one big heady adrenaline rush, you feel like
your on top of the world and want to tell everyone what your doing and how
the life time of hurt has been lifted...

You can try to hard, over do it, it takes time for the new you to develop,
take that time and  learn to enjoy it, watch, listen and learn from the women
around you and develop into your new life.

Sage advice.

...The learning of new habits is helped along by the freinds we see and the friends we have here.

I've been hanging around here for a while, I love this place I come here for
support from people who I believe are of a like mind and if I can, to share a
pearl or two that I have gleaned from the real world. That being said, at times
I have seen myself and others slip into the trap of trading this for real life. I
have met a couple wonderful people through this site, who have enriched my
life but I have met A LOT of wonderful people out here in the real world.

It sounds like you are on YOUR right track. You are out and about and making
actual physical contact. You are on your way and every step forward is
progress. If you find yourself at the wrong end a blind alley, backtracking is
progress also. Stumbles and set backs are great learning tools but they are
tools that can only be garnered and used in the real world. The experience
gained from one simple mistake in the real world is worth a million
pieces of advice or pats on the back, here in fantasy land.

This is a pleasant little oasis in the harsh environment of our lives
but you won't be able reach "The City of Gold" at edge of the desert
if you allow yourself to be trapped into pitching your tent here.

...And Nichole is right, life is what happens when you walk outside
and deal with real people in your real community...