I don't know how to come out

[John]

I'm having a lot of trouble working up the nerve to tell my family or friends that I want to be a girl.  My brother is part of a really judgemental group of people, and he's still young so he doesn't understand exactly how to be respectful with these types of situations.  My mom doesn't understand how to react with situations like this and will most likely just shut herself from anyone for a long time.  My dad seems like the only one in my family right now to really tell, but I've had a really rocky relationship with him, always fighting about simple things.  My friends are in the same type of situation as my brother except for one, I was actually planning on telling him last year, but the day I was going to do it before I saw him that day my other friend started making fun of someone (jokingly) for being confused about their gender, and ever since then I haven't been able to come as close to telling someone.  I really want to tell someone early because the earlier this is all done with the longer in life I have to be truely happy with myself.


I'd love to hear any methods anyone has to help to work up the nerve to tell someone.

[Cindy]

Hi John
It's always difficult. I came out to my parents when I was about 13. Didn't go well .
I told my wife when we were dating. My family (SIL and BIL) walked in the front door and found me- no issues or problems. My friends I have told no issue.

In fact except for my parents many years ago no problems with anyone.

The way many of us suggest to family is to write a letter. It allows your M&D to talk it over, think about it. Tell them your heart ache and your love for them, your terrible anxiety.
Sadly if your brother and your friends are bigots nothing will change that. But then again who needs friends who cannot accept you as you? That is not a friend.

Hope it goes well
Love
Cindy

[Miniar]

I came out through emails to those that I found the hardest and needed the acceptance the most (parents). That way I could think my letter through, word it the way I wanted to, and then let them read it and reply in their own time.
To siblings I just came out in person and just sort of blurted it out, they shrugged and said "Okay".

[Jay]

I found this the hardest part of my transition.. no matter what teh outcome is its actually doing it, working up the nerve.. etc.

Personally I found writing emails like Miniar said the best method, as then you get all feelings out and get your point across with out people jumping in.

Good luck

Jay

[Genevieve Swann]

Unfortunately Jannah you cannot choose family but you can choose friends. Cindy is correct. If your friends don't understand and condemn you those were not friends from the beggining. Family may be a different matter for you. Writing may be a good idea so they can have time to absorb the info before having any unpleasant reaction. I'm fortunate in that those who count do acceept me as me. Any family member who cannot understand, well, I could give a Rat's backside what they think. I came from a highly dysfunctional family so most of them don't count. It will all work out for you I'm sure. You seem to be a sweet person and I wish luck. Huggs,Gen

[Miniar]

Remember to give your people time to come to terms with it too. Don't expect their first reaction to be their true reaction.
Sometimes people need time to think things through.
After all, no matter if you're the same person, it'll still mean that you're asking them to see you in a different light as they've known you, and sometimes that can be a little hard.

[paulault55]

You have gotten real sound advise, i wrote a letter to my 89 year old religious stepfather, took me many months to finally get the courage to tell him, what ever the outcome i would be releived.

I did it at dinner on a Friday evening, i handed him the letter and asked him to read it because i was too emotional to just tell him, he didn't really understand too well at first but i gave him the book True Selves to read, every week i would ask how he was doing with the book, finally he finished the book, He has really accepted me no strings attached.

Paula

[sneakersjay]

I wrote letters.  Though some people like my  mother forced it out of me over the phone.  It was a non-issue all around.  When I came out at work, it was another non-issue.


Jay