Finally decided to introduce myself, and have a couple questions.

[Asfsd4214]

I'm glad for you that your MS is being addressed and that there are indications it may be controllable.

I don't know what to tell you about transitioning.  I started full-time less than three weeks after going on hormones, but I've heard tales of people being on hormones for years before full-time and being full-time long before hormones.  Who knows?  I guess it depends on your situation. 

My GP is prescribing my hormones and monitoring the effects.  I know not all GPs will do that.

I've learned that it never helps to get into a p***ing match with a gatekeeper.  You need to approach the keeper differently or try a different gate.

I'm sorry I'm not of much help.  Sometimes all I can do is listen to your story and offer a virtual *hug*.

Keep on trying.

- Kate

Thanks for such a quick reply.

My concern right now is more with getting the hormones to begin with. Preferably with proper medical supervision.

But I am not going to indulge some quack (too harsh?) on a power trip for an indefinite amount of time until she "deems" me worthy, I've never let people do that to me in my old life and I don't plan to do it in my new life either.

The way I see it, SOMEONE out there must be willing to help me, without bizarre and out of date gate keeping. I'll just have to keep trying, but I am not going to have my life controlled like that.

[Asfsd4214]

Ok so, just thought I'd post a short update on the off chance anyone's interested.

That's two psychiatrists down...

I haven't been back to see the 2nd one I tried, the one who said that she "doesn't make the rules" and that "you have to present as a female" before you can have HRT.

But I saw the first for the third time yesterday, at least she's far more reasonable and willing to hear what I have to say. But she said pretty much that she was reluctant to recommend me for HRT on the grounds that I'm not a cross dresser. 

So now I've basically got the following options that I can see.

1. Wait till Oct see my GP again and get advice from her.
2. Wait till Nov to see the seemingly only GP in the state that deals with transgender issues.
3. Wait till Dec to see seemingly the only psychiatrist in the state that is remotely interested in transgender issues.
4. Self-medicate in some other way and use that to prove to these people that "I'm serious".

Obviously 4's not a great option, so for now I guess I simply have to wait out 1 and 2. My GP's great so hopefully she'll have some advice and/or be willing to do something to help me.

As always, any advice is appreciated.

[K8]

That sucks.  I don't know how the Australian system works.  I would go with option 1 and keep option 2 open. 

I suppose you could go to a therapy appointment dressed as a woman, but that seems silly to me.  TS is generally considered to be a self-diagnosis since there's really no objective way to diagnose it that I know of.  To me, trying to prove you are a woman to a counselor by presenting as a woman without the guidance of a counselor sounds like a Catch-22.  (Maybe things really are upside down Down Under. )

So, no advice.  Just some *hugs* and keeping my fingers crossed that you can get this worked out.

Cheers,
Kate

[Asfsd4214]

That sucks.  I don't know how the Australian system works.  I would go with option 1 and keep option 2 open. 

I suppose you could go to a therapy appointment dressed as a woman, but that seems silly to me.  TS is generally considered to be a self-diagnosis since there's really no objective way to diagnose it that I know of.  To me, trying to prove you are a woman to a counselor by presenting as a woman without the guidance of a counselor sounds like a Catch-22.  (Maybe things really are upside down Down Under. )

So, no advice.  Just some *hugs* and keeping my fingers crossed that you can get this worked out.

Cheers,
Kate

The standard of care for my state, the ones I'm 99% sure my psychiatrists are referring to, are nearly identical to the WPATH ones, they require either 3 months RLT or 3 months psychotherapy (interestingly without the optionality that the WPATH ones have). The problem seems to be that the first psychiatrist I went to doesn't know the SOC very well, isn't willing to research it, and seems to be stuck in a mindset of "ok in the past I've only recommended HRT for 40-50 year old crossdressers, this persons not a crossdresser, so until they are I shouldn't make a recommendation", and the second one seems to believe in an SOC that I can't find anywhere, she can't tell me where to find it, can't show it to me herself, but feels she knows well enough to dictate what it says.

In short, both are ignorant and utterly unwilling to accept any possible alternative. One because she doesn't really care (she said herself she doesn't really care what the SOC says, she's not comfortable recommending me when I'm not a crossdresser), the other because she's utterly incapable of accepting even the slightest possibility that her SOC, the ones she can't tell me who publishes, can't show me in reality, can't tell me where to find, but are apparently immutable and say I have to cross dress before she'll even really see me again.

Thankfully I have a good neurologist and a great GP, so I'll see what they have to say.

There doesn't seem to be much point in seeing either psychiatrist again at this point, they're both more or less uninterested in seeing me unless I'm presenting TO THEM as stereotypically female dressed or horribly depressed.

[K8]

I don't know if this is relevant, but in your last post you said 'psychiatrist' each time.  I've never seen a psychiatrist.  The woman I see is a clinical psychologist (who, incidently, doesn't specialize in gender issues).  One of my friends is also a psychologist (I'm not sure what flavor).  I know that she sometimes deals with people with gender issues. 

Do you have to see a psychiatrist?  That may narrow your selection.

(The little town I live in has one psychiatrist but is lousy with psychologists. )

Just a thought.

- Kate

[Asfsd4214]

I don't know if this is relevant, but in your last post you said 'psychiatrist' each time.  I've never seen a psychiatrist.  The woman I see is a clinical psychologist (who, incidently, doesn't specialize in gender issues).  One of my friends is also a psychologist (I'm not sure what flavor).  I know that she sometimes deals with people with gender issues. 

Do you have to see a psychiatrist?  That may narrow your selection.

(The little town I live in has one psychiatrist but is lousy with psychologists. )

Just a thought.

- Kate

Yeah, I got their names more or less through the trans support website. Might have to see about finding one on my own.

Ironically maybe it'd be better to find someone who knows they know almost nothing.

[K8]

My counselor has been very helpful to me.  I think she only dealt with one other TG person before me.  Sometimes I would get a little ahead of her, but she would be caught up by the next session.  There are some specific problems to TGs, but mostly it is about learning to be yourself and handling your problems and helping you over the rough spots.  I didn't need someone to tell me a timeline or any of that.  I needed (and continue to need) help handling my very human life.

Good luck, hun.

- Kate

[Asfsd4214]

I wish I had a counselor I could relate too, neither of the two people I've seen were very understanding. One substantially less than the other, but neither were what I'd call "friendly" or relatable. Sigh, guess I just have to keep trying. I just hate all this waiting, yes I know HRT is nothing but waiting... but that's just it, all this time I could be on HRT but I'm not. 

Then of course there's the risk of hitting a major roadblock, like my neurologist simply saying HRT is out of the question. It's probably not that likely, but it still bothers me.

Still over a week before I see anybody again, but if I'm supposed waste 3 months in therapy, I'm still at square one on that.

Oh well, guess I just have to wait it out. 

[jesse]

heres what id do pick up the phone start dialing every phycologist in the area and ask point blank do you deal with tg if yes do i have to dress if yes do if no then yay you finally find one thats not an idiot lol ..... good luck hun
jessie

[Asfsd4214]

I wasn't going to post this, since posting about myself seems so egotistical (maybe I need one of those blog things  ), but I haven't posted an update in a while and for possibly the first time ever I have good news and I wanna share it.

I spoke to my neurologist today, she had NO problem with my being transgendered, not even a hint of surprise or disapproval, said that she saw no reason HRT would have any negative effect on my prognosis, and best of all said she was willing to notify any physician I like to attest to that opinion.

In that case, it's full speed ahead to trying to get hormones. I see my regular GP in a week and I'll ask her about it, if that doesn't go well, I have the other GP I can see 3 weeks after. 

[K8]

Good news!

And keep giving us updates.  This is a place to be egotistical and whine and moan and celebrate.  We're in very different places, geographically and in transition and in life, but we are all in this crazy enterprise together.

Good luck, and let us know how the visit with the doc goes.

- Kate

[Alex_C]

Hey if it takes visiting in a dress, then dress up if it gets it done!

My own counseling was VERY short, a bunch of questionnaires an a bit of talk, took less than a half hour. As for living the part, well, I get around by motorcycle and wear practical stuff, so I was wearing jeans, paratrooper boots, t-shirt, and a black leather jacket, chest flattened down with a tight swimming suit top. It wasn't anything special for the visit, it's just what I wear when there's 50 miles and a mountain range between where I live and my clinic. I was just dressed as me.

So, you may want to consider dressing as you. Maybe not hyper-femme, just as you will when your HRT is well underway.

[Asfsd4214]

Hey if it takes visiting in a dress, then dress up if it gets it done!

My own counseling was VERY short, a bunch of questionnaires an a bit of talk, took less than a half hour. As for living the part, well, I get around by motorcycle and wear practical stuff, so I was wearing jeans, paratrooper boots, t-shirt, and a black leather jacket, chest flattened down with a tight swimming suit top. It wasn't anything special for the visit, it's just what I wear when there's 50 miles and a mountain range between where I live and my clinic. I was just dressed as me.

So, you may want to consider dressing as you. Maybe not hyper-femme, just as you will when your HRT is well underway.

There's a few reasons I won't do the whole dressing thing, from least important to most...

A. I feel it's perpetuating a stereotype that exists in these peoples heads, and will only serve to make my life more miserable to satisfy their own standards of care which, as far as I can tell, exist only in their mind (I swear, the next time someone tells me "the standards of care require such and such", and their answer to my question of "where can I see these standards and who publishes them" is simply "iunno", I'm gonna get really irritated)
B. I don't think its gotten to the point where I feel I have no other options, I still have plenty of GP's, Psychiatrists and Psychologists I can try, one of them's bound to at least listen to what my views are and why I have them, at the very least one won't be able to pull the 'ol "the standards say you have to do this but I don't know where either of us can find a copy of them or who publishes them".
and C, and most importantly of all. How long am I expected to do this dressing thing for, neither of them were willing to give me a time frame, but the local grapevine seems to be saying "about a year".

If they expect me to go a year before I can start hormones, that's simply out of the question. I have lost 21 years of my life as of last week (happy birthday to me), I'm not wasting one year more just so I can satisfy these people and their outdated beliefs which would serve to help nobody in any way whatsoever, least of all me.

[Alex_C]

OK ok I understand but .....

If you're female are you going to be a female who dresses as a man?

Maybe there's a local TS group who can help you with this....

[Asfsd4214]

OK ok I understand but .....

If you're female are you going to be a female who dresses as a man?

Maybe there's a local TS group who can help you with this....

I'll dress however I think suits me, which I don't see as frilly dresses, which ironically would make me stand out amongst other women my age.

But as I said, it's more the time thing than anything else. I'm not indulging these people for an indefinite period of time just so that I can watch my life disappear in front of me, I've lost enough of it as it is.

The ONLY thing I care about is improving my life, I will do whatever I think it takes to do that, and right now I don't think playing into these peoples stereotypes is the best way to go about it. In short, that's why I'm not doing it.

[Alex_C]

That's the suggestion I'm throwing in here, not to dress in a way you'd normally not, but to dress in the way you WILL. Dress like other women your age.

I'm a working-class biker kinda guy, I wear practical clothes because that's ME. If I have the bike all cleaned and detailed, myself all freshly showered and shaved, boots polished etc and my favorite T-shirt, all spiffy and clean, I feel like a million bucks.

So, I suggest thinking ahead a bit to what your ideal is, and start getting a good wardrobe together. It takes time.

[Asfsd4214]

That's the suggestion I'm throwing in here, not to dress in a way you'd normally not, but to dress in the way you WILL. Dress like other women your age.

I'm a working-class biker kinda guy, I wear practical clothes because that's ME. If I have the bike all cleaned and detailed, myself all freshly showered and shaved, boots polished etc and my favorite T-shirt, all spiffy and clean, I feel like a million bucks.

So, I suggest thinking ahead a bit to what your ideal is, and start getting a good wardrobe together. It takes time.

I don't think that'd fly with either of the two psychiatrists I've seen, they seem to be all in for stereotype.

And the only reason to do it, is for their benefit. To suit their beliefs on how to treat TS's based on what they've done for their former patients. It certainly wouldn't be for my benefit.

Anyway, for the time being it's a bit of a moot point, I'm not seeing any psychiatrists at the moment because one wasn't willing to listen to anything I had to say, and was dismissive and told me "it's best not to fight the system", and I damn well will fight the system when it's my entire life we're talking about and the system's holding me back (which as far as I can tell it's not, it's the personal opinions of the two psychiatrists I've seen, and until someone's willing to show me evidence to the contrary, which suspiciously neither could elaborate on at all). And the other one I saw was willing to listen to what I had to say, but dismissed it regardless.

I'm not fond of either of them, one I'm definitely not going to see again, and the others unlikely, last time she only saw me for like 20 minutes until the session ran out of time all of a sudden, either way it's not long enough to discuss anything. So I'm in the market for a new one, so the whole dressing thing is irrelevant as far as pleasing them.

I will dress in what I will when I am, when I have the opportunity to live that life.

The thing to understand is that my entire life, as it is now, is essentially in a giant state of pause, I could not be more ideal for transition socially because I have no friends, no job, no family apart from my mum who's with me 100% in this (ok I have other family but I never see any of them), and very little in the way of previous information about my old life that's still around or relevant.

I don't live a male life even now because I don't have a life, it's sad but it's true.

Dressing in any way other than the way I do now (which is pretty unisex as it is) would be entirely artificial.

I am not a cross dresser, I never have been, I never will be, clothes are just clothes to me, so changing what I wear for an indefinite amount of time to meet standards of care nobodies been able to produce, give any indication where to find, for me OR for them, or tell me who publishes, seems crazy to me.

[jesse]

actually you dont need therapy to get hrt i just found that out today you need an endo whos willing to give them to you. in the us there is no law that says you must see a therapist i dont know about your area work directly with the docs it may be easier.

[Asfsd4214]

actually you dont need therapy to get hrt i just found that out today you need an endo whos willing to give them to you. in the us there is no law that says you must see a therapist i dont know about your area work directly with the docs it may be easier.

Saddly I'm not in the US, but as far as I know the same's technically true of here as well, the problem is finding someone willing to do something.

I'm still searching, but it's the holiday season and there's a lot of waiting right now.

My GP has been very nice and helpful in the past, I'm hoping she'll be willing to help, I see her next week. Wish me luck. 

[jesse]

good luck remember though even when your on them you will need someone to monitor your levels a speacialist or a gp if they can do it were you live hrt can cause serious health issues if they are out of whack
jessica