The Woman You Thought You'd Be vs. The Woman You Became

[fae_reborn]

As I usually do from time to time, I wanted to gather the opinion/experiences of others on a particular subject.  Inquiring minds and all that...

When I began my transition 2 1/2 years ago, I imagined quite a different woman than the one I am today.  Some compromises were made, as I realized that what I thought I wanted and what I actually accepted during my transition, were two different things.

1.) I thought I would have SRS, but instead I've only received an Orchi, and I'm actually quite comfortable with that.  I may go further, or I may not, it all depends on my other dreams and aspirations, and what I decide will take precedence.

2.) I thought HRT would have done more.  Now, while I have been on hormones since the beginning, and the changes have been substantial, they are not what I had hoped for despite being realistic about the effects from the beginning.  I'm still, sadly, a AA to A cup and wear enhancers most of the time, just to avoid any weird looks from people who might question me.  I've more or less accepted this.

3.) To get to where I am now, I initially thought I would have to wear makeup constantly, go to voice therapy, have electrolysis/laser, FFS, and a whole bunch of other procedures.  Today, I hardly wear makeup at all and never have any problems, my voice is actually quite fine and I have recieived comments stating I should be a singer, and my facial hair has been handled just fine without electro/laser.  As far as FFS or other surgical procedures, HRT has done a fine job of feminizing my face and body. 

Except for my breasts.  I really don't get that part. 

4.) Body wise, I've compromised on many initial thoughts I had prior to transition.  I haven't become the thin, knock-out girl I thought I would be.  Granted, I'm attractive, but not a knock-out.  I'm not thin, I'm fairly average.  I have back problems and my back is messed up, and always will be, so it's not the greatest body.  However, I can dress up to the 9's with the best of them.

5.) My hair, surprisingly, is naturally curly and pretty wavy.  I thought I would be able to grow out straight, long locks or wear it short during the summer months.  Unfortunately, if I keep it short, it poofs out everywhere and looks like a train wreck, so I have to keep it long and tend to have it back in a ponytail most of the time.

That's all I can think of right now, I might have some more later on. 

Anyone else care to share?

[Alyssa M.]

I don't know if I can even describe it. I'm only half a year into hrt, but I feel like I can't recognize my face in the mirror anymore. Nevertheless, since I'm a bit older than you (30), I think more and more that I'll really want to have FFS. I think I'll be able to get by without, but I don't think I'll ever be comfortable.

I can't let myself think about SRS, since it's so far off, and I have so much to do before it's even a possibility.

My breasts are growing slowly. I have no idea how well they will develop; I figure that AA is the minimum (they're pretty cloes to there as it is), and D is the maximum (on par with the women in my immediate family).

I can't believe how much I value facial hair removal. It makes me so happy for the couple of weeks each month after the previous hair has fallen out and it none has grown back yet. But it is so frustrating when it inevitable does.

Other than my breasts, I'm fairly happy with my physical proportions, though I certainly wish they were more feminine. I always think it's weird when women tell my I have nice legs. I really don't; I think some women just don't like having curvy hips.

I can't believe what a pain hair is. It always has been while presenting as a guy; it's worse now.

The biggest surprise to me is how easy it is to fit in among women, and how much more girly I tend to act. I never thought of myself as terribly girly (for a girl, that is), but I guess I'm less of a tomboy than I figured.

[Janet_Girl]

When I began HRT, 15 months ago, I thought my bustline would be better than it is.  But I am happy that most of the time is is all me. 

I knew that my hips and behind would not be any better then it is, but I have ways around that.

Looks wise, I am pleased that my face is more feminine than when I began,  I feel that I blend in quite well.  Except for the hair, but that is a work in progress and that is what wigs are for.  Only time will tell in that department.

Body hair is fading and becoming less and less.  Facial hair is under destruction. 

I knew that I would not be a bombshell, not at 55, but I am told all the time I look a lot younger. Which makes me happy.  I get flirting looks from guys and some girls, so something must be coming together.

I am happy, all told, with me as I am turning out.  I am no raving beauty, but I am not discussing ether.  And as long as My Girl is happy with me, that is a really big bonus.

I am, for the most part, happy with things as they are now.  And they will keep changing as time goes on.

FFS, no I am not even looking at that.  SRS, most definitely.  BA is still a possibility, but in the future.  Maybe.

Janet

[Alyssa M.]

I knew that I would not be a bombshell, not at 55, but I am told all the time I look a lot younger.

Funny, that. People now consistently think I'm five years younger than I am (which is fairly significant, being 30). In boy mode, pre-hrt/laser, people would guess my age almost exactly right. I wonder if that's because people are used to women lying about their age, or maybe they're used to low-balling their guesses about women's ages, so I actually look more like an average 30-year-old woman, who (on average) says she's 27.

But I do think my face looks somewhat more youthful.

[tekla]

maybe they're used to low-balling their guesses about women's ages

Damn skippy.  Anyone who has ever missed by going OVER, has learned that lesson, big time.

[heatherrose]

I am no raving beauty...

News to me.

[bernii]

Fae hon,

Personally, I think you have accomplished so much with minimal surgeries. Hon, breast size is hereditary. How's the breast size of the natal women in your family? Don't be surprised that they average an A cup too. Now, sweetie, it sounds like so much is going very well for you!! The hottest women have A cups... Milla Jovovich come to mind, and let's see Linda Hamilton comes to view too.

Breast size does not define a woman. Gosh, to be able to say that you can dress to the '9's with the best, is just so awesome hon!!!

I am sure, you are just gorgeous!! Hon, we are all our own worst critics!!

Be beautiful, be you!!!

Love

Brenda

[Naturally Blonde]

After nearly a decade of HRT plus the odd periods of HRT through the 1980's and 1990's I must confess that I am disappointed in the results.

I thought I would do well considering my small frame, small facial feature's, female sounding voice and also not being very tall. I also sometimes got taken as female long before I started transition. So I thought I would be a good candidate.

But the disappointments are overwelming. Especially the lack of breast growth and lack of fat re-distribution which is quite devistating. But for some reason I never give up and keep trying different meds and different ways to achieve my goals.

HRT varies so much on each individual and I can't say it doesn't work because some seem to get good results and it has a lot to do with genetic profile and how you body excepts these receptors. I also haven't been on injectable HRT (only pills and patches) and this may have a bearing on my progress? but injectable HRT is not legal in the U.K and so has proved difficult to access or get aproval to try it. On the other hand the oral medication may be just as effective?

My main problem is trying to change my body shape and create less upper body mass and more lower body mass. I try and put on weight and eat quite a bit but the fat goes on the wrong places (i.e the belly area) and not on my face, butt or legs. 

I will keep working on it but lately after all this time of trying  I do feel quite desperate and tearful sometimes.

[Northern Jane]

Although I lived part of my teens en femme and thought I had an inkling of the person I would become, I was very much mistaken.

With SRS/transition at 24 I was amazed just how easy and natural everything was. Trying to pass as a boy had always been difficult and life was very confusing but, as a young woman, it was as  comfortable as an old slipper and I just blossomed. I was nearly the opposite of what people before had perceived. I was out-going, sociable, funny, dynamic, and full of life. People liked me and enjoyed my company. I began to realize that this was the real me, the girl unbound, free and natural.

Physically I was no raving beauty but definitely cute, not a ravishing figure but certainly enough to turn heads in a bikini. But, personality wise, I had become more than I ever dreamed possible.

That was over 35 years ago now.

[fae_reborn]

Fae hon,

Personally, I think you have accomplished so much with minimal surgeries. Hon, breast size is hereditary. How's the breast size of the natal women in your family? Don't be surprised that they average an A cup too. Now, sweetie, it sounds like so much is going very well for you!! The hottest women have A cups... Milla Jovovich come to mind, and let's see Linda Hamilton comes to view too.

Breast size does not define a woman. Gosh, to be able to say that you can dress to the '9's with the best, is just so awesome hon!!!

I am sure, you are just gorgeous!! Hon, we are all our own worst critics!!

Be beautiful, be you!!!

Love

Brenda

Brenda, thank you!  As for my family, I believe my mother is a C cup, but my aunts average somewhere around a B cup, I think.  I honestly don't know.  I've accepted that I have small breasts, and I know that doesn't make me less of a woman, just wish they were a little bigger. 

As for dressing to the 9's, I don't do that very often, I'm def. girly but most of the time I guess I'm a tomboy.  The last time I dressed to the 9's was in college about a year ago for a formal dinner/dance with friends.  It was a casino-themed event...THAT was so much fun! 

Aside from the job situation, my cat dying, and slicing my hand and getting stitches...yeah, everything's great. 

I will keep working on it but lately after all this time of trying  I do feel quite desperate and tearful sometimes.

NB, I'm sorry that HRT hasn't worked out very well for you, but as Brenda stated, looks do not a woman make.

Dry those tears and chin up, things will get better.

[MaggieB]

Here is my experience.
I'll be 58, next Sunday.  I have been on HRT since 2002. I am mostly pleased with the results. I have a B cup and much of my male fat has moved to places that I like.

I had an orchi six months ago and I am very pleased with the results of that.  It has awakened my libido and the new kind of orgasms are incredible.  I so wanted to go on to vaginoplasty but with my financial situation and family that is beyond hoping for.  I am still getting aftershocks from the reaction to my orchi from the family.  I'd leave but can't support myself.

My beard is light red or white and very thin hair so shaving and foundation gets me by.   I desperately want to have permanent hair removal there but again finances prevent that.   Mostly it is not for passing that I want it but instead, I want a smooth feminine feel on my face.

My head hair has stopped receding and some came back so my hair is now one of my best features.  Baldness runs in my family so this is a big thing for me.

I lost a lot of muscle mass which improved my looks too. I have a Scandinavian figure which like the women in my family, is pretty much broad shouldered and thick waisted.  That I am so not pleased with.  I long for those hourglass types.

My face didn't get too much Testosterone effects when I matured so my brow bossing is minimal and my jaw is only a little squared. As a result, with the soft tissue changes of HRT, I look pretty feminine.  I count on passing everywhere I go and have only been "sir'ed" one time.  I pass around little children too but I have not had much time with teenage girls who would be the acid test.  The bottom line is that other than a blepharoplasty for my sagging eyelids, I don't desire any plastic surgery.  Incredibly, my family will support a bleph... Go figure.

My voice is still a work in progress since I still have to concentrate on it especially when I am upset or tired but mostly I pass even on the phone.

I have all the legal stuff done and am legally female now so there are no identity problems.  I even got my passport.  However, the credit reporting agencies informed me that they will keep my male name in my file forever so full stealth is impossible. That sucks.

On the relationship side, my wife has become a rather irritable sister to me who occasionally jabs me.  While we live in the same house, we live like unrelated housemates.  We plan to stay together for convenience sake but little else.  I am incredibly lonely as I am a very emotional and sensitive person who needs intimacy with a spouse.  I still identify as a lesbian but I do now understand why some men are attractive.  In the right situation, I could see myself intimate with a man but the idea pales in contrast to a woman.

So, in summary, I am more feminine and pass better than I thought I would but I am still not satisfied with what I hoped for.

[Naturally Blonde]

NB, I'm sorry that HRT hasn't worked out very well for you, but as Brenda stated, looks do not a woman make.

Dry those tears and chin up, things will get better.

I know you are well meaning but looks are important and the objective is to have a female body and not a man's body. If I wanted a man's body I wouldn't be TS.

[Darlene]

maybe they're used to low-balling their guesses about women's ages

Damn skippy.  Anyone who has ever missed by going OVER, has learned that lesson, big time.

so true

[Alyssa M.]

maybe they're used to low-balling their guesses about women's ages

Damn skippy.  Anyone who has ever missed by going OVER, has learned that lesson, big time.

Frankly, if people are low-balling their estimate because telling women they look older than they are is a faux pas -- hey, that's fine with me. Either I look younger than I am, or they are treating me like any other woman. Either way, I win.

[tekla]

Works with weight too, always go 10 - 15 lbs under what you think is the lowest possible number.

[FairyGirl]

5.) My hair, surprisingly, is naturally curly and pretty wavy.  I thought I would be able to grow out straight, long locks or wear it short during the summer months.  Unfortunately, if I keep it short, it poofs out everywhere and looks like a train wreck, so I have to keep it long and tend to have it back in a ponytail most of the time.

I used to wear mine pulled back in a ponytail all the time but finally decided it was a horrible thing to keep doing to my hair, so I've worn it down for some years. But long hair also frizzes out pretty good in the rain. My hair was one of only two things I had going for me coming into this, the other being having no adam's apple.

But I'm only a few months into HRT and fairly pleased with the results so far- breasts, waistline, lessening body hair, softer skin. I hate still having to shave my face! Though I don't have to nearly as much as before after some laser and hormones. I think I'm still in the stage of trying to remind myself to just be happy with whatever I get, because it's more than I had before. Not always easy for me to remember that though. I just want the woman I become to be a happy woman, whatever that means.

However, the credit reporting agencies informed me that they will keep my male name in my file forever so full stealth is impossible. That sucks.

Doesn't your entire credit history only go back 7 years or so?

[Alyssa M.]

Doesn't your entire credit history only go back 7 years or so?

I think that's just how long it take for negative items to stop affecting your credit score, but the records are still there.

[SarahFaceDoom]

I can't really think of anything.  I'm pretty much how I thought I would be.  Life's going pretty much how I imagined.

[tekla]

The credit reporting system only uses records from the last 7 years - for the most part - but the records, like all records, live on a long, long time.

[MaggieB]

I spoke to an agent at Experian and she said that my old name would always appear on the report including all the misspellings.  Further she said that the only way to eradicate the name would be to contact every creditor I have ever had and have them report it to the agency.  All agencies told me that nothing I could send them would make them change anything only a creditor can.  They also will not accept a court order as a public record to change a name.

Kay