Regrets of SRS?

[tinkerbell]

Today was an interesting day, I think.  Some friends and I got together and starting discussing transition, what we have accomplished and much, much more.  Then someone started talking about the possible regrets of SRS and she, in fact, suggested that we read this:

Regrets of SRS

I don't know about you guys, and I don't mean to offend anyone. ...but with all the criteria for diagnosis available today, the many therapy sessions we go through, the hormone treatments, the RLT, a person would have to be REALLY RETARDED OR SIMPLY CRAZY to go through all this and then find out that he/she made a mistake.  If this is in fact possible, I wouldn't hesitate one bit to lock this person up in the white room for good!  I mean what is this about? sheesh!  


tinkerbell

[cindianna_jones]

I think that this isn't such a bad thing.  I can remember seeing Richards in the news when she came out.  Although I was fascinated that she "became a woman", after seeing her, I knew for sure that I wasn't one of those!

All that aside however, this article should be read.  I read it with no discomfort.  I was forced to read other accounts while I lived in Utah however that were total counterfiets. In these accounts, individuals came back from being gay and/or TS to return to their faith. I'm not saying anything was wrong with a person's belief system.  I'm saying the crap I read was crap.

But Tinker, I'll have to agree with you.  I can't imagine anyone going through a year or more of full time living and making the wrong decision.  There's nothing wrong finding yourself to be a CD and will always get turned on by getting dressed up.  That's an easier row to hoe to be sure.... even in heels.  I'm very pleased to see members of this forum find these limits.

Cindi

[Elizabeth]

Hey Tinkerbell,

That was a great article, I really enjoyed it.   I have heard people talk about those who have regretted their decision, but that is the first time I have actually heard someone say they regretted it.

It seems the one thing they all have in common is unrealistic beleifs about what SRS is and what it does to your body.  I disagree with this notion that the internet is somehow bad for TS's and is promoting it.  I have seen just the opposite.  I have seen those like you, questioning people like me with just this type of information and saying "hey!!! you are in this demographic, are you sure about what you are feeling?".  It is almost another level of transition to get through.  I find it hard to beleive that someone could transition, be a part of a community like this, and do it for the wrong reasons.  I mean that is practically all we do here, discuss what it is that makes someone TS.  We all really want to make sure we are doing the right thing.

Anyway, great thread and great information.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Hazumu]

It is good to question what you are doing at every step of the journey.  The problem is, there is a 'myth' out there that if the transtioner ever wavers, ever expresses doubts, they will not get the necessary letters and access to the surgery to feel 'complete'.  So many learn to put their doubt in denial, the same way they put their transsexuality in denial.

Karen

[Melissa]

Good point Karen.  I felt that I had to hide all doubt at first, but now I feel much freer to express when I'm not feeling all gung ho for this--hence my "Sometimes I want to curl up and die" thread.  I guess it doesn't matter if somebody disagrees with me, because I know who I am.  I feel confident that I tried my hardest all my life to be male and it just simply didn't work out.  I also note how I love living life as a female.  My reasons for getting SRS are far from sexual and honestly, if I end up non-orgasmic, then that's fine, but I am going to try and maximize my chances be going to a good surgeon.  I already am experiencing most of the benefits of transitioning and I only consider SRS (as in the cliche) "icing on the cake".  I'm certain my parents have read that article before and it may actually be one of the key reasons for how they treat me.  I am hoping that after SRS, they will see that I'm not one of those cases, and stop treating my like dirt.

Melissa

[Sheila]

I believe that some do it for the wrong reason. I have known two that have had the surgery and about year later have regretted it. One committed suicide. I looked at it for a long time and thought could I just dress. I found out that it wasn't about the dressing nor the sex or anything like that. It was about me. It was about who I have been all my life. Some told me that I make a better guy than a girl. I'm big and would make the ugliest girl. I thought about that hard very hard as I wouldn't be able to pass that well. I talked it over with my therapist and I came to the conclusion that I would rather be the uglyist girl and be happy with myself than be a guy who is very unhappy with who he was. Always looking depressed and not likeing what I see. I had the surgery and the minute I woke up and felt that I had a vagina and not a penis I was in heaven. I felt relieved and happy within myself. I cried very happy tears and was excited about my new life. I knew I still had some barriers to cross, but they were minor. I'm still very happy with how things came out and  I have been post op for over 2 years now. I only wished I could have done this sooner.
Sheila

[Gabrielle]

Those letters were good food for thought.  One thing I know is I have not lost my libido, its different now than when I had T in me.  I feel my current libido is more true to who I am.

[stephanie_craxford]

I think that the bottom line is that we are all human, and at some point in our lives we have always experienced regret over something that we have done or failed to do.  Some of these are career choices, lovers, wives and husbands, other relationships, converting to or joining a religion, clubs and associations, investments and other financial issues, and no doubt many more.  Even some of these can have such a dramatic effect on our lives that they too can lead to suicide or other harmful actions.

One issue that is hard to cope with is that our minds are so complicated that once a seed has been planted, and it is nurtured so that it grows strong and healthy, the final result is often not realized until it blooms, and by then it is too late.  Humans are great at convincing themselves over issues like this.  Some are so convincing that professionals are even fooled by the seemingly rational being before them.  There aren't many safe guards out there and it's too bad that the one that we do have are seen by some as "barriers set up by gatekeepers" but heck what else is there.  How often have we heard "I should know what's best for me", "Who knows me better that me", "I'm an adult and I know what's best" etc.   We see it all the time, heck I was even one of those.

Therapy, letters and HRT is one thing, but I truly believe that the best safe guard that we have is the "Real Life Test or Experience".  I firmly believe that TS should be required to live one full year not only in their gender but in all aspects of life from relationships to employment as what the heck do you have to loose.  Granted even then there may be those who still suffer regrets after SRS but I believe that the safe guards in place now do work.

Steph

[Sheila]

Steph, you are so right. You can do so much to make sure of what you are doing and still fall into something that is not you. Even after surgery you go through some things in your mind. You change and no matter how long you have been on RLT you can not go through these changes until you have had surgery. So you should really know what you are getting yourself into as there is no going back. This is why they suggest some threrapy after GRS. I will help some. I never had it as I'm ecstatic about my change and I am no longer depressed. I had some problems about a year afterwards, but got over them.
Sheila

[DawnL]

It is ridiculous to assume that we can have a 100% success rate with gender transition or SRS.  Mistakes will happen (unfortunately) no matter how carefully the process is managed or the candidates evaulated.  So there are a few who have regrets.  It's my understanding that these people make up less than 1% of people who undergo SRS--though I don't know if anyone has done a definitive study.  I'm certain this falls into an acceptable range for success rates compared to other medical procedures.  For all we know, it may be better than average which is pretty amazing when you consider the complexity of gender disorders compared to many other medical conditions.  The Standard of Care prevents anyone from impulsively having genital surgery though a determined person can bluff their way through the system.  Lastly, since GID is not a black and white situation but must occur in many shades of grey just like any other physical trait. There will be people where the choice for SRS is not at all clear, and no easy or conclusive choice is possible.  These people are probably at the greatest risk for regret. 

I have no regrets that I had SRS.  There was a substantial period of adjustment but overall, my life is better, I'm happier as I am now, and most of all, I can't conceive of going back.  I'm a woman and now I have the body to match.

Dawn

[veronica06]

at some point in our lives we have always experienced regret over something that we have done or failed to do.
================
oh kay........everyone here is going to jump on me for this............

"I" just know it........

and no........."I" am not trying to be a smartass............not..........trying to stir-the-pot.

BUT?

"I"? personally?


NO!
at 53 yrs,.............."I" have called my shots in my life...when I did it...why I did it.........how I did it.......the BEST I could..........at THAT precise pinpoint minute..........with the most knowledge of the events..........


so........................"I".................have................NO regrets.!!!


but this is JUST me as a street kid.

tAke care out there

[tinkerbell]

NO!
at 53 yrs,.............."I" have called my shots in my life...when I did it...why I did it.........how I did it.......the BEST I could..........at THAT precise pinpoint minute..........with the most knowledge of the events..........


so........................"I".................have................NO regrets.!!!

Ahhhh...that's what I am talking about..... thank you Veronica and good for you and for me!
If people are going to have regrets, hopefully those regrets will show during the RLT and before SRS and not years after the endless therapy sessions, the hormone injections, the breast augmentation, FFS, and SRS.  If there is something I feel when I read stories like the ones on the article is a feeling of disbelief and anger towards the ignorance of some people.

tinkerbell

[veronica06]

if I offend anyone?

I do apologize.

but "I" was taught by my elders...(ok I am old school) that you make the best of any event...and don't look back to 2nd guess yourself.
it just doesn't pay.
"I" am just one...when I lie on my death bed,,,guessing I am lucid enough......
I will be able to die with a clear conscience,...........knowing I did what I could..with what I had to do it with.

take care

[Buffy]

There will always be mistakes, the medical system is not infallable and some people will be wrongly diagnosed.

I personally know 2 people who regret having SRS, one being openly Gay andthe other being Autogynaphelic. Both had SRS misgudedly and where supported by the medical establishment because thats what the patient initially wanted.

My only regret is not transitioning earlier...

Buffy

[stephanie_craxford]

at some point in our lives we have always experienced regret over something that we have done or failed to do.
================
oh kay........everyone here is going to jump on me for this............

"I" just know it........

and no........."I" am not trying to be a smartass............not..........trying to stir-the-pot.

BUT?

"I"? personally?


NO!
at 53 yrs,.............."I" have called my shots in my life...when I did it...why I did it.........how I did it.......the BEST I could..........at THAT precise pinpoint minute..........with the most knowledge of the events..........


so........................"I".................have................NO regrets.!!!


but this is JUST me as a street kid.

tAke care out there

Veronica why on earth would anyone jump on you .  To some degree I would agree.

Steph

[veronica06]

Veronica why on earth would anyone jump on you  .  To some degree I would agree.

Steph
---------------
why..........well because I have found...some...................people tend to be thin skinned and take offense at some things I feel.

[cindianna_jones]

why..........well because I have found...some...................people tend to be thin skinned and take offense at some things I feel.

It happens from time to time.  But I'll tell you that I welcome fresh thought and controversy.  It tends to liven things up.  I'l listen to anyone with a good opinion that differs.  I'll shut the door on hate.

Cindi

[Dennis]

What gets me is people who blame the doctors and professionals for it. Talk about not taking responsibility for your own decisions. If you're not sure, don't do it. Simple as that. If you did it, take responsibility for your own bad decision.

People who are having difficulty living as a woman and think that SRS will change that are deluding themselves. People don't see your genitals. They will react the same way to your visible self that they did before SRS.

I haven't yet heard of a single case of FtM regret. I wonder why. The testosterone certainly has a marked, irreversible effect, so you'd think that T therapy, given to someone who was not stable could cause it. Although I don't know that there's an equivalent to  ->-bleeped-<- in FtM's. And, genital surgery is not that common among FtM's. Or maybe the regretters are out there and I just haven't seen anything about them.

Dennis

[veronica06]

ya know,  they give ya that...waiting time...when ya buy a car..in case ya change your mind.
well sweetheart,...once your male thingie is gone...ya can't come get it back.

and hun,..once ya have that twidget changed,,and make it look like your boy cousins...ya ain't gonna get THAT back either.

ya got 1 shot in this life.
if ya screw it up....it is YOUR doing.
from the time you open your eyes...to when you actually fall asleep.............EVERYTHING in life is a CHOICE baby.
only being born...and dying............is a have-to.

so think once.................think twice.............ask someone else and think again.

make 100% sure you want what ya want.

THEN I'll stand by ya.
======
me?

sweety, I have waited since I can first remember,...I hate being a male.
I wanna be a girl.................

and at 50 plus years,..I know my own heart.

take care

[Melissa]

Veronica, I agree with you, because that's precisely the point I was getting at.  I know who I am.  I tried my hardest the other way.  So far, I have absolutely no regrets.  When I get the surgery, if I'm not happy, well, I did it, so I'll have nobody to blame but myself.  However, I know precisely what I am doing and I'm not looking back because you can't change the past.  You can only learn from it.

Melissa