last night, and today i've been thinking that i'm going to have trouble taking hormone medications. in january, my obsessive compulsive disorder got so bad that it was making it hard for me to get through the day. about a week or two later, i got put on medication, and things weren't so bad for me, but i still claimed things were there that i couldn't get off. in may, i got put on zoloft, an actual ocd medication, and at first i was having an obsession of worrying i didn't swallow the medication when i did. i eventually stopped caring about my obsessive compulsive disorder and that medication, that i wasn't anxiously awaiting 9:00 to take it. it just became a thing, and i don't really care about taking it anymore, because i honestly don't feel that the medication did anything. i feel like i pretty much just got sick of the whole thing, and i stopped striving to be perfect. but, i know for a fact that i have hormones in my body that will poison my system, and taking anti androgens is very important to me. i doubt i'll be taking it at any old time of the day. i'll probably be making sure i take it whenever i'm supposed to at the exact scheduled time. i know if i got started on anti androgens anytime soon, that i'd obsess over whether i swallowed it or not, and i'd worry the pill is stuck in my throat. i wouldn't be able to get my mind off of that, and i'd think of just that. it would interfere with my life. i seemed to learn how to get over every other obstacle ocd has given me, but this one didn't go away, and i know i'll have a hard time with this, because i think about gender all the time. i was also thinking that there is an injection alternative, that's probably better for me to do, but there is a downside. i'll feel like i'm mutilating myself by sticking a needle through me so much, and i'll worry i would develop little microscopic scar dots wherever i'm injecting. still, i think the injection idea is better. have any of you ever experienced something like this? or is it just me?
