Do you feel sad and angry you started HRT late?

[Shelina]

I am now in my early twenties and I am sad and angry with myself that I haven't discovered existence on HRT before, some changes have created irreversable damage that even hormones cannot change. I should have started by 14. I knew existence of hormones but I was too young to know what hormones to take exactly and dosage etc. Furthermore as I am muslim, I would not have dared to go doctors as these types of what they call 'weird' and 'immoral' behaviors are banished in my country.

[Lori]

I am now in my early twenties and I am sad and angry with myself that I haven't discovered existence on HRT before, some changes have created irreversable damage that even hormones cannot change. I should have started by 14. I knew existence of hormones but I was too young to know what hormones to take exactly and dosage etc. Furthermore as I am muslim, I would not have dared to go doctors as these types of what they call 'weird' and 'immoral' behaviors are banished in my country.

Try starting in your 40's and hoping for a miracle. Early 20's? Your chances of passing are still extremely high.

Sure it may have been better to start at 14, but everybody is different. Things have changed on me that I was told were not possible, so you never know. Be glad you are ahead of a lot of other people. Try to focus on the positive. You have PLENTY of time.

[katherine]

I'm 55 and some here have transitioned a bit later in life than I have.  I am always berating myself for not having transitioned sooner.  I didn't even know what my problem was until I was about 20.  Never heard the term transsexual until then.  Since then, I forced myself to live as a male, making a career out of a "male only" occupation and marrying.  Now I'm back on my journey and it doesn't get easier with the passage of time.
Now we have the Internet, volumes of literature, and therapists aplenty.  All of which I now take full advantage of.  Wish this were available back in the 50's and 60's.  Life goes on.

Actually, I don't mean to suggest I have transitioned.  I'm still working towards that.

[Shelina]

Try starting in your 40's and hoping for a miracle. Early 20's? Your chances of passing are still extremely high.

Sure it may have been better to start at 14, but everybody is different. Things have changed on me that I was told were not possible, so you never know. Be glad you are ahead of a lot of other people. Try to focus on the positive. You have PLENTY of time.

Thanks for your support dear but it really bleeds when you see videos like these...
The "World's Youngest Transsexual" Kim Petras on the CBS show "The Insider"

[Natasha]

if i had started hrt late, ya i'd feel like &^%$*!

[Nero]

I am now in my early twenties and I am sad and angry with myself that I haven't discovered existence on HRT before, some changes have created irreversable damage that even hormones cannot change. I should have started by 14. I knew existence of hormones but I was too young to know what hormones to take exactly and dosage etc. Furthermore as I am muslim, I would not have dared to go doctors as these types of what they call 'weird' and 'immoral' behaviors are banished in my country.

You're still young enough you could be gorgeous. Let the hormone do its work.

[Hannah]

It's a frustrating feeling, isn't it sweety? You do all the research, painful amounts of counseling and self analysis, finally decide hrt is right for you and the anticipation is building and the tension is rising and then you take the first dose and...nothing happens.

Try to be patient, there's lots of things to do in the meanwhile. Meditate on your mind, on how free and (for lack of a better word) "dried out" it feels. Explore your emotions, if it hasn't started yet the deluge will soon, and it's ok to sit in your room and cry for hours over something, even if it's silly and trivial. Learn to paint your nails, it's harder than it looks! Work on your voice, obsess over facial hair...so much to do, and too much life left to be beating yourself up.

[Bombi]

Regrets are unproductive. Take that energy and re-direct it to the positive.

coulda, shoulda woulda, you can't go back.

[Ell]

the things one worries about starting out!

i felt terribly jealous of younger women when i started, but now i see that i was wearing blinders.

once i was again able to view the *behaviour* of some of those same women, i felt less and less that i wanted to be like them.

no matter how well you transition physically, you will ultimately need to draw on your own inner resources to build upon your personality. imitating others will not bring you any closer to that goal.

-ell

[Tristan]

to me the 20s have been great so far. im only 22. well 23 as of sat and enjoying it. remember life is what you make of it. so if your unhappy do somthing about it NOW?

[Omika]

Give it two years before you start mourning.  It takes a long time, and half of it is in your own perception.

[GinaDouglas]

I'm angry that the medical establishment wouldn't allow me to go on hormones when I was in my 20's or even 30's.  The Standards of Care for MtF transsexuals prohibited genetic males who were sexually attracted exclusively to females from being considered transsexuals, or receiving treatment.

[Naturally Blonde]

I am now in my early twenties and I am sad and angry with myself that I haven't discovered existence on HRT before, some changes have created irreversable damage that even hormones cannot change. I should have started by 14. I knew existence of hormones but I was too young to know what hormones to take exactly and dosage etc. Furthermore as I am muslim, I would not have dared to go doctors as these types of what they call 'weird' and 'immoral' behaviors are banished in my country.

I don't think you realise what a good position you are in. What about all the people who were not able to access HRT until their 30's or 40's. How do they feel? you have grown up in an age of the internet and easier access to HRT. When I was in my 20's the best I could do was pinch birth control pills as I didn't have a clue who to go to for help and support. Computers were barely invented and the internet wouldn't surface for another 12 years.

By rights we should all have started at 14 and as time goes by it will become easier for early GD diagnosis in teenagers, so people will not have to suffer the humiluation of puberty. So in the future all transsexuals will look like Kim Petras.

My sympathy goes to those who were not able to transition until their 50's, not someone starting in their 20's.

[tekla]

I think, Islam or not, you'd need parental consent to do this at 14. 

[Julie Marie]

I didn't start HRT until my mid 50's. At that time I was convinced I'd never pass. I was simply too masculine. The situation was hopeless so why even bother?

It was my therapist who disagreed with me and that got me to wondering and hoping she was right. I have to admit I was pretty surprised what HRT can do. I pass a lot now and many times I don't even make an effort.

While I still feel I look too masculine I'm happy the war that raged inside me for so many years has ended.

Sure, beginning HRT at puberty is ideal but so few of us have the necessary tools and support to do that at such an early age. Be grateful you are so young. I think you'll be surprised how well things turn out.

Julie

[Omika]

A lot of natal women look masculine as all getup.  Runway models, artists, actresses... all kinds.  There is a very wide dispersion of physical characteristics in the female gender, all dependent on genes.  I've seen women with prominent brow-lines that seriously look like men from the side (Pink). I've seen women with very long chins or very wide jaws (Jennifer Aniston and Keira Knightley look REALLY masculine, and absolutely ugly when their photography isn't flattering, yet men drool over them).  I've seen women with noses that make them look like a falcon (Barbara Streisand, anyone?).  I've seen women with very high browlines (Christina Ricci... yikes.)  And I've seen women who have all of the above.

If you're from America, like me, you live in a culture where every image of every woman around you in the media is taken with absolute perfection in mind.  Airbrushing, flattering angles, flattering hairstyles and clothes.  We start out not knowing left from right as far as fashion and makeup goes, most of the time.  So we wonder why we don't look flawless like the girls in magazines.  EVERY woman in American goes through this.  Do what I do, and look up ugly, unflattering tabloid shots of celebrity women.  God does it feel good.

The one bit of advice I can give you, and any other women suffering from this, is VOICE VOICE VOICE.  You CAN train your voice to sound perfectly female, but it takes, literally, years.  About three years of effort before it slips into a natural state.  Fine a good bit of spectrogram software (google deep stealth), practice like hell, and get a speech therapist.  I've had years of therapy and HRT, but nothing boosted my confidence more thoroughly than meeting with my speech therapist and perfecting my voice.

I've seen TS girls that pass and are gorgeous (all the surgery, whole 9 yards) and they were too lazy to put in the effort to train their voice, so they sound just plain nasty.  It ruins everything completely.  Destroys their chances of passing.

We are apes.  We need our voices... they, along with our hands, have built everything we know.  Neglect your voice, and you'll never pass, no matter what you look like.

Perfect your voice, and you can look pretty damn mannish, but people are just going to think "Goddamn, that is one manly looking woman!" as opposed to "Ew, a crossdresser" if you neglect it.

[Janet_Girl]

20 plus years ago I tried transitioning.  But my own fears got in the way of my happiness.  Now 20 years later, I am older and have more of an Attitude.  I wish I had went through with it then, butthat is water under the bridge.

I am me now and that is what counts.  I am happy with me now, and my life.  Yes there will be trials ahead, but I will face them as a woman and not that hateful male person.

Janet

[Chrissty]

YES

I wish I had known my problem from an earlier age...

...still no HRT...only a few herbals ...but that does not seem to stop my body transitioning at an alarming rate..

..maybe I have a destiny that I cannot avoid..

Chrissty

[Alyssa M.]

Yes, I am sad about three decades of loss. Everything else -- dress, hair, affect, social interactions -- I can control. But not my hormone levels, and the damage that testosterone inflicts. I totally agree with Becca that voice is HUGELY important, but I can always work on that.

But I think it's a little like being in a traffic jam. As long as you are stopped on the highway, it's unbearable; as soon as you start moving, it's much better, despite all the lost time.

[Hannah]

I've been thinking about this some more. You know, for most people the damage done by all the boyjuice seems to pretty reversible if we keep at it long enough. Sure it hurts, but nothing worthwhile is easy.

Personally I mourn childhood more than a browridge and a nasty beak of a nose. The bone can be fixed, being a little girl is gone forever. I was thinking about this today in math class, you know, instead of math  I wonder what childhood and especially the teenage years would have been like with the kind of peace hrt brings. For most of us puberty was a traumatic time, like turning into a monster, and there's bound to be some ptsd left over from it all these years later that contaminates every other aspect of one's life.

So I dunno, I guess I'm sad to have started it 'late' to be sure, but not because I won't look like that floosy in the pictures, so much more is lost.