Taking things slowly...

[thestory]

So first of all my family is very Christian. My parents are pretty hardcore.
They don't believe in anything other than heterosexuality and think that boys are boys and girls are girls. Anything else is a sin. Despite letting me grow up as a tomboy I was always forced to hide a lot of who I was. I was scared of disappointing them. I never had the heart to tell them I wanted to be a boy. They had always raised me so lovingly. How could I deny their wishes?

Recently I have been shaking off all of my denial was working up the courage to come out.
Two hours ago I took a step forward in telling them the truth, though a bent truth as it were.

My parents were getting ready to go out to celebrate their anniversary today and on the way out my dad asked me if I wanted to have a promise ring. At this moment I had the deer in the headlights look as you can imagine. First of all I'm not a virgin. Second of all I'm in a relationship with a woman. Up to that point my parents thought I was a straight girl and had brushed off anything that had pointed towards otherwise.

My mother saw the look on my face and asked if I had sex with a guy. I shook my head and told her it wasn't like that. Her face had grown serious and she then asked straight out if I was a lesbian.
I nodded my head and accepted the label. But I couldn't tell her the truth yet. Not while I was under the same roof. I figured this was a step forward and it may lighten the blow when I reveal myself as transgender.

Things went smoother than expected. My father and mother think I am in some sort of denial though and this is all a phase.

I very much doubt its a phase if I've been this way my whole life. I don't think they would agree.

But the hardest part is still yet to come. I am planning on revealing the whole truth eventually, but that will have to wait till I am no longer under their roof. Who knows how they will react then. Its not everyday someone in the family wants a gender change. I cant risk being disowned while in college and without a stable income.

[LordKAT]

I was raised by strict catholic parents. they confuse me but that is another story. they tell me they only had one son and it ain't me.

Hurts to the core but I've been disowned before.

college is great if you can put off being yourself til then. I chose to pay my own way. I have never regretted it no matter how bad life got( and I've had some really down times) college was on my own dime not theirs,( never had that option).

I never told them I was lesbian because I'm not, I like girls just fine, I am not one tho. I never told them that either, my kids did.

I would rather have transitioned earlier than waited for college. I don't believe any income is stable when places close down and put ppl out of work who have been there for 30 years sometimes.

Basically the decision is yours, You are the one who has to live with it. Don't let other peoples opinions determine your well being.

[Dana_W]

I think going slowly in this case sounds fine. It's no good to force the issue before you're ready. Sounds like your parents coming to terms with the "lesbian" thing is going to make them confront a lot of the same issues within themselves that you're worried about when you eventually come out fully.

I wouldn't completely ignore the issue of the bigger coming out. But I wouldn't feel rushed into it either. It's a big step. You need to be ready.

One thing I've noticed is true about a lot of F2Ms but not M2Fs is that there seems to be a pretty common transition step of being seen as a lesbian before fully coming out as a man. So you might be able to find some support from people who've been through a similar phase. In any case you won't be the first guy who's chosen to come out slowly, so don't feel bad about it.

[thestory]

they tell me they only had one son and it ain't me.

Ouch. That does sound very painful. I suppose I could understand. My mother came into my room today very upset despite yesterday being rather calm about the whole deal. The conversation ended with her in tears yelling at me telling me I am not allowed to let any of my sisters or her friends know about me or I will be thrown out. She is ashamed of me and rather hide me away or kick me out if I don't conform.
What I hated most was that she accused me suspiciously of being lude. She said: "If I found out you did something, anything... infront of those girls with that whore, you are out."
Me and my girlfriend have babysat on several occasions.
Its all downright insulting. I am just a guy, not a sex addict or slut. Why in the hell would I do anything in front of my young impressionable siblings? gay or straight it wouldn't make a difference. What a horrible and ignorant accusation.

... As you can see things have gotten worse from yesterday.

One thing I've noticed is true about a lot of F2Ms but not M2Fs is that there seems to be a pretty common transition step of being seen as a lesbian before fully coming out as a man.

That's good to know. Its strange being categorized as such when its not true, but if it helps...
Well at least I could deal with it until I am stable. I only have six months till I have my bachelors in media arts and animation, and I'm already working on commissions while attending school. So moving out in a couple of quarters and getting situated isn't far fetched at all. I'm glad of that much.

[Nicky]

It might be a good plan to just lay low untill you can move out.

'promise rings'