I really didn't know where to post this, as it covers so many territories. But ever since I was 15 I have had this vivid dream stuck in my head, and it has affected everything about me since the day I had it. Today though I was struck by a new way to look at it, almost ten years later.
In the dream i'm a woman wearing a dress or skirt, I remember how the cloth felt, and I remember having long hair held back by something. I was in what appeared to be a house, it closely resembled the entrance area of the first house I lived in as a kid. To my left was a door flanked by two tall windows with light shining in. Across the way from me was a couch. In fron of it kneeling was a woman reaching out toward me with one hand to steady her, I don't remember any details about her other then her calling my name in desperation, but the name she was calling wasn't my birth name and I can't recall it either.
I was on my knees with a man holding my hair back, I twisted my head to look up at a man who appeared very much like my little brother, but a bit older. Even though my brothers and I grew up looking identical at each stage in our life I distinctly recall thinking it was my little brother. Then the man puts a gun to my right temple and...pulls the trigger. I actually felt the bullet pass through my skull and my head...
Then I was in what I recall thinking was heaven. I also recall thinking it was odd that heaven looked like a shopping mall. I walked around and saw a few odd shops before I sat on a bench. Then an old man came along and sat next to me. Even though I wanted to I could not turn to see this old man, but I felt like I could trust him. We talked, and though I can't remember what he said I woke up after we finished immediately in the middle of the night. I wasn't scared or frightened, I strangely felt at peace.
At the time and since then i've always thought it was prophetic, and since then i've always felt I would die around the age of 30. Maybe this is why i've never felt to enthused about life. But i've had, ever since this night, some part that insisted I would die by this date.
But today I had the random thought that maybe the dream was some kind of dream about my two sides. Like I said at every stage growing up my brothers and I looked the same, you had to look a the date taken or the name witting on the back to know which of us it was. So maybe it was more about how my male side was killing me. I dunno. What does this sound like to yall?
