Coming out at School?

[GlennCoco]

I'm a 15-year-old ftm transsexual who has come out to his family, and close friends. People at my school just think I am a butch lesbian, but as a sophmore I would like to officially come out to everyone at school.

I know I'm ready, I'm not scared of the discrimination because I already have people backing me up, I just am not sure how to "come out" ?

It hasn't seem to be enough to explain it to the individuals when they ask why my friends are referring to me as a "he" because there seems to be some confusion even then, and having to do that with 900 kids plus teachers would be tiring.

So what would some of you suggest?

[Kayla]

You don't need to go to school with a sign telling everyone your personal business. If you're not afraid to come out, then the best thing is come out to friends and family (the people who need to know) and just start your transition, let everyone else find out when they find out.

[Jamie-o]

If you don't get the replies you're looking for, I suggest trying a post on the FtM board.  I know there are a couple guys over there who came out in high school, but I don't know if they ever make it out of the FtM section.    As I recall, they emailed or talked with their teachers at the beginning of the school year.  Once their teachers were on board with using the proper names and pronouns, it made it much easier to get the rest of the student body to go along with it.  I believe they also talked about going through their local LBGT group and/or student counselors.  Mind you, I haven't gone down this road myself, this is only what I remember from some older posts.  You might try running a search on the boards to see if you can find some of those old threads.   Once you have 15 posts you will also be able to PM any of the guys who have posted about their experiences, as well.  Welcome to Susan's, btw.   

EDIT:

Here's a link to one of the threads I was thinking about: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,50884.msg313996.html#msg313996

[eshaver]

Generally I don't advertise a certain church (S) but in this case, check with the closest Unitarian Universalist Church as they are all very acceptingof us as well as the nearest Metropolitian Comunity Church. They all have members past or present who have walked in your shoes . Since I'm a male to female , I don't feel quite qualified to help much except in manerisms and clothing . Ellen Shaver

[Calistine]

Im in high school too, and my facebook name is my male name. I feel like I don't need to tell people my situation unless they ask or I begin to get personal with them. I know how you feel though, I hate people perceiving me as a butch lesbian.

[wannalivethetruth]

Im in high school too, and my facebook name is my male name. I feel like I don't need to tell people my situation unless they ask or I begin to get personal with them. I know how you feel though, I hate people perceiving me as a butch lesbian.

I agree. I'm in high school also, but i don't think i owe anyone that doesn't matter an explanation on why i am, who i am.

[Chaunte]

Glenn,

I understand what you are talking about, thought I am on the other side of the desk.  You see, I am a transsexual high school science teacher.

I know you are already aware of this, I cannot overstate one little thing.  Once you are out, you are OUT.  There is no going back – at least not at your present school.  Be absolutely sure you want to do this.  If you have ANY doubts, you can wait a year or more to make sure you are ready.

With that said, let me share my thoughts.

First off, you have a LOT to do and little time to do it in.  Your parents/guardians will need to be involved.

You and your parents will need to meet with your principal and bring him/her up to speed.  You might be surprised at the amount of work that has to be done to prepare the faculty & staff for your transition.  I know I certainly was.  Your parents/guardians will need to be there because they will have to approve of your transition.  It's part of the gig.  If they are not onboard, your transition won't happen - or at least not successfully.

You MAY be asked to delay a year so that the faculty and staff can receive diversity training on transgender issues.  Are you willing to do that?  Only YOU can answer this question.  I did delay everything for a year, due to other issues, and I think it helped me a great deal.  This is your call.

While I am NOT a fan of HRC, they do have a lot of information that you can download for free regarding coming out.  Bring it as well as lots of copies.

Go to the National Center for Transgender Equality and download info there as well.  Bring them up to speed about your transition.

If you have a local LGBT support group, contact them.  I have the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley.  See if you can find something similar.  Don't let them be caught unawares.  I was publicly out'ed before I could contact them, and it makes a difference as to how they respond to the media.

Speaking of the media, be prepared for the news vultures to circle around you.  Like it or not, you will probably be the lead story for the evening news.  Use caller ID to screen your calls and don't talk with the press.  The less people talk with them, the faster the story goes away.  The faster the story goes away, the faster you can live your life.  I know this from personal experience so trust me on this!

Contact GLAAD and bring them up to speed as well.  The Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation will have important information for dealing with the press.

Your first few days of classes will be tough.  Partly because you might be avoiding the press.  Partly because you are the "new kid."  Partly because you are getting comfortable publicly being in your skin.  This feeling will pass quickly.

People will make mistakes in how they address you.  It is human nature.  They knew you as (blank) LONG before they knew you as Glenn.  Don't take slip-ups personally.  Keep a smile on your face and move on.  If you are repeatedly called by the wrong name, or if it is obviously a slam, report it at once.  Don't tough it out because that will encourage more verbal abuse.

Set up a weekly meeting with a counselor at your school to talk about how things are going.  You may want to meet with the counselor daily for the first couple weeks.  After that, you will be old news and you can probably go to a weekly meeting.

Report any physical or sexual abuse IMMEDIATELY!

If you have a Gay-Straight Alliance in your school, join it!  If you don't have one, think about starting one NEXT YEAR.  You have enough on your plate as it is!

Don't be surprised if a number of your peers start coming out to you.  Like it or not, your courage will be a role model for many who are still deeply closeted.  As such, it is important that you stay on the straight & narrow in regards to your studies, behavior in school and around town. 

I know that this is a lot, especially for a sophomore.  It was a lot for me to do, and I was 50 (ancient!) when I transitioned at school.  But, you CAN do it! 

What you will find is that you stand straighter.  Your self confidence will skyrocket.  You will find that you have a backbone you never knew was missing.  Why? Because your body and soul will finally be in harmony with each other.  In all my journeys, I have found nothing that can compare with being at peace with yourself.

Remember.  You do not stand alone.  Every one of us here stands with you.

Qa'pla!

[GlennCoco]

Sorry for the delayed response

But thank you  to all who replied.

Shauna,

Thank you for all the advice, how I'd love to have you as my science teacher. And yes, I know. I am totally ready to come out though, I have been discriminated against my whole life for one thing or another, and really the pain and frustration I feel when having to pretend to be something I'm not is more painful than any abuse, even physical, would be.

It hadn't even occurred to me that the press might actually be interested in this, but now that I think about it, it makes sense because I will probably be the first to actually come out publically during high school in this town. As far as my guardians, I just don't know..

Both know, my father completely ignores it and my mother tries to ignore it but when I argue with her about it, she gets very hostile and shuts down. She lets me wear male clothes and lets my friends (and only my friends, not my family members) call me by Glenn, but I still wouldn't say shes supportive. At enrollment just a few days ago, I spoke to my new counselor. She told me she'd contact my principle but never said she'd contact my teachers. She did, however, say that if I was receiving abuse of any kind that I needed to inform either her or my principle and they'd take care of it. She wasn't as helpful as I hoped though, she kept our discussion to a short period of 10 minutes and acted like it wasn't a big deal.

I saw a counselor once that specialized in gender identity, and she was trying to get me into support groups and such, but with our financial state we can no longer afford health care for the time being, but I will sure try to look into things by myself.





I might just have to have the backbone to correct people once they call me by her or she, and when they question it because of my figure, just simply saying "I am a female to male transsexual" because I don't know how else to go about it.


And again, thank you all. I have been going on these 3 years thinking I had no support or anyone to understand me and I was too scared to reach out, but now I know that's completely untrue. thank you.

[gravitysrainbow]

Hey Glenn...I didn't come out completely in high school, but did ask friends to call me Michael and use male pronouns. People were mostly supportive, but I went to a relatively liberal highschool. Your parents sound a lot like mine. I don't have a lot of advice, but I hope that if you decide to come out at school, things go well for you.

I might just have to have the backbone to correct people once they call me by her or she, and when they question it because of my figure, just simply saying "I am a female to male transsexual" because I don't know how else to go about it.

If you're comfortable being expected to teach people what being trans is, and what it means, then that answer works just fine. However, you can always just go with "I prefer male pronouns," with people who aren't worth the effort, or who you know will be combative about it. If you say that firmly and confidently, the majority of people will drop it.