Transition Beyond Surgery

[Julie Marie]

I'm now heading into the next phase of transition, the one after coming out, the one after surgery, the one that will last the rest of my life.  Being me.

But I found out, that now, a lot of people don't like me or don't want to know me or don't want to be around me.  That's something new for me.  I have never been so devoid of family and friends as I am now.  And there's only one reason: I transitioned.

I'm not the first to experience this and I'm certainly not the last.  But I am damn glad to finally be me!

Now it seems my focus is on dealing with the rejection, the discrimination, the prejudice that I now know.  Those skills are not yet honed as this is so new to me.  And a whole new world has opened up to me, the world of people who are different and who are social rejects because of it.  And it's a pretty big world.

Looking back it seems I was in the minority then, now that I realize how many people don't want to conform to that world I lived in for so long.  When I look at those people who have walked out of my life, at those who have rejected me, I see just how small a world they live in and how out of tune they are to the real world.  And I see they are missing out on a lot!

Maybe they are afraid what would happen if they stopped conforming.  Maybe they have seen what happens to those who are different and they don't want to lose what they have.  But I wonder how they would feel if they opened their eyes and allowed acceptance and tolerance to come into their lives.

I think the biggest regret of late transitioning may be missing out on that great big world out there for so long.  But while I see those people left behind settle into boring, mundane lives, I find myself excited about what each day will bring.

Julie

[sneakersjay]

It's true, Julie.

And even if you weren't trans and didn't transition, if you decided to do something else out of the ordinary -- take a year or two off to backpack around Europe, move to the desert and live off grid, or some other thing, like take up figure skating or even write a novel, people get jolted out of their boring lives, you make them feel inferior because you are out there DOING SOMETHING COOL! that maybe they wish they could do but never will because they just lack any motivation to get off their arse away from the TV and go try something new.

BTDT.

Transition is a bit different, yes, because it forces people to look at their own prejudices, and people are uncomfortable thinking about sex and gender and sexuality and those that are different, and their preconceived notions color what you're doing/have done (transition) with those lenses, which makes some people squirm.

Funny I have more friends now than before; basically I was a loner -- loner anyway but made more so by my social anxiety of a body that didn't fit me, which is gone now.  But ultimately I would love to move where no-one knows me and just be myself.  That off grid living in the desert is looking mighty good!


Jay

[KimberlyH]

I know exactly what you mean.  I have living and working as a woman for 9 months now and have been very happy and very successful at my job.

Now my family has decided that I should "straighten out my life" now.  So, a few well placed phone calls and I was released from my job and I'm back home facing all sorts of pressure from family members to take a 12-step class to rid myself of this "addiction", etc.  I have never been more miserable in my life.

If I had a friend or somewhere to run off to so I could start a new life I would, but I don't...thus I'm stuck here.

[stacyB]

Maybe they are afraid what would happen if they stopped conforming.  Maybe they have seen what happens to those who are different and they don't want to lose what they have.  But I wonder how they would feel if they opened their eyes and allowed acceptance and tolerance to come into their lives.

I think you got it right on the fear factor, but I dont think its directly related to tolerance... have you noticed whats different about the world you left and the world you have found? Tolerance and acceptance are simply tools for accepting change. That is what people are afraid of. When you backback around the world, live off the grid, write the next great american novel or transition you are giving up the comfort zone of the mundane in exchange for the thrill of the unknown. Even if you were so damned sure that transitioning was the only way, there is no way you, or anyone for that matter, could possibly anticipate what life would be like. Thats what makes transitioning so damned scary! And equally, thats what makes living life on your terms -- transitioning -- so exciting!

Ive seen this manifest itself in so many ways. Why so few pursue their own dreams... obvious things like starting a new business venture, taking time off to pursue a craft or passion.. or less obvious, moving away to some new place to experience things never before felt... most people cannot handle the thought of that! Have you noticed a common thread amongst those that choose to transition? Passion, independance, things that most eschew. They favor a steady paycheck and a desk instead of pounding the pavement every day to pursue a new career. They favor the safety of a set life in favor of venturing out into the unknown. Scary stuff. But so is dying inside conforming to someone elses vision.

So when you shake up their world... of course there will be backlash. Think the 60s... civil rights... womens lib... the conformant majority rejected such things even though they were only followers. Never in control, never having a say. Never taking a chance...

Maybe it is a little bit of jealousy.... but more likely its a threat to their own small tightly constructed never changing world. Such intolerance has been practiced by totalitarian governments for generations. Afraid of the age of information exchange...

Little surprise then that transitioning would knock the legs right out from under them. Your thread on "Why Do People Get So Wrapped Up In The Bible?" kind of drives that point home. 2000 years of following the same dogma... who the hell are you to challenge their beliefs and prejudices? 

If you open your eyes you might be blinded by change... keep them shut and the darkness never wavers. There is comfort in that for some...

[Julie Marie]

It's true, Julie.

And even if you weren't trans and didn't transition, if you decided to do something else out of the ordinary -- take a year or two off to backpack around Europe, move to the desert and live off grid, or some other thing, like take up figure skating or even write a novel, people get jolted out of their boring lives, you make them feel inferior because you are out there DOING SOMETHING COOL! that maybe they wish they could do but never will because they just lack any motivation to get off their arse away from the TV and go try something new.

Jay

That kinda brought tears to my eyes Jay.  What I'm now experiencing is like standing on the top of Everest and looking out at the vastness around me.  There's a sense of exhilaration, a sense of wonder and a newness to a world that had become old and repetitive.

From the thrill is gone to the thrill is back.  Pretty amazing!

Julie