Newbie here, weird and confusing situation.

[BlackRabbit]

Ok I'm just gonna start off saying I'm not really FTM, kinda. I usually go to the Androgynous board but I think you guys are more knowledgeable for this issue.
I'm a girl, I was born a girl, and I like being feminine.
But.
I want to be a male model.
I don't want curves or boobs or anything like that.
If you want to get technical, I want to be an effeminate boy model.
I'm 18. But I want to look like a 13-15 year old pretty boy.
Not masculine.


Now that it's outta the way.
I live here in Canada (the old Canuckland, eh?) and I want to get a mastectomy, well I have to, in order for it to work. I kinda know a MTF named Daisy, sorta, and I heard that the Canadian government paid for her surgeries. But I'm not entirely sure.
How do you start the process of getting the T surgery done?
And how much does it cost? I researched about it and it's hard to find information about it.
Thank you for your response in advance.
-A confused noob 

[Nero]

Hi BlackRabbit,

It's really important to know who you are before even thinking about any medical intervention.
I don't get what you mean when you say you're a girl but want to be a male model.
If you aren't already, I would recommend binding and trying out the look you want. But transition really isn't something you do to achieve a certain look.

[Osiris]

I agree with Nero. I'd strongly suggest figuring out who you are before you make any permanent changes. Transition to be able to live as who you are, not look a certain way. Chances are after you transition you might not look how you want to. And even if you do end up looking how you want how long is it gonna last? You're not gonna look like a young pretty boy forever.

Transition is the physical changes to match the internal. If you're not a guy on the inside you're probably not gonna be happy with the physical results.

[Nicky]

I agree with Nero, sounds like you are jumping the gun on this.

Is this a performance thing? Do you hate your body? Is it a fetish? Do you want this for reasons of presentation or is there more?

[BlackRabbit]

Trust me guys, I thought about this for a long time. I feel more comfortable being androgynous, genderless if you will. It's hard to explain. When I say girl, I mean I like the feminine look I naturally got cause I was born one, but I don't want to be a women or man, I don't see myself internally as either. And in order to get my outside to look like my inside, I'm willing to do what ever it takes. When I look in the mirror, I feel disgusted because I'm all lumpy and uneven in my eyes. When I look at boys that are young and still have that 'look' to them, I feel envious of them, because of they have what I feel is me.
I apologize if anyone misunderstood my words. I'm not good at explaining things. 

[Nero]

Hi BR,
You don't have to apologize. So you mean you don't want to be a male model, you're just looking for an androgyne type transition?

[Vancha]

What I hear is that you hate female body types, having the curves, the breasts.  But you don't necessarily want to be manly, perhaps not below the belt as well as in mannerisms and dress.  I understand, though.  Some androgynous people want to be in a female body, some in a male body. There are androgynous men and androgynous women.

I think, as long as you feel sure, you should figure out what you want and go for it.

[Cindy]

Hi BR,
Iknow the guys are giving you advice but I thought I (as ever) would join in. Now nothing wrong with being what you want to be, we all have that understood. But I'm not sure that you have looked at the long term. If you get the boobs removed and go on T you will look more boyish, but what about 10yrs? 20, 30 etc. Being a femm boy may be fun for now, but looking like an old (fem or not) guy?

I'm happy to look like an old woman. I would be happier to look like a young one, but time doesn't stop.

Love and hope it works out for you

Cindy

[Jamie-o]

Just a note:  If you meant it literally that you want to be a male model, keep in mind that male models have to be between 5'11" and 6'1" to get any work.  Also, unless you are currently an A cup or smaller, you will have to get a double-incision chest operation, which usually leaves extensive scarring.

As far as the process - this may be different in Canada, but usually you have to see a therapist for at least 3 months in order to get a letter recommending you for surgery.  Now, since you are more gender-queer, rather than FtM, I don't know if that would work out for you or not.  There are some surgeons who will do chest surgery without a letter, if you can convince them that you are of sound mind and have really thought through the long-term effects.  They figure if anyone can walk in and say, "My boyfriend wants me to have tits the size of basket balls," then why shouldn't one also be able to walk in and say, "I really want a masculine-looking chest."  Chest surgery currently runs between $6000 and $8000 here in the States.  Again, I don't know what it runs in Canada, or what steps one has to go through to get it covered by the National Health.

[Vancha]

Hi BR,
Iknow the guys are giving you advice but I thought I (as ever) would join in. Now nothing wrong with being what you want to be, we all have that understood. But I'm not sure that you have looked at the long term. If you get the boobs removed and go on T you will look more boyish, but what about 10yrs? 20, 30 etc. Being a femm boy may be fun for now, but looking like an old (fem or not) guy?

I'm happy to look like an old woman. I would be happier to look like a young one, but time doesn't stop.

Love and hope it works out for you

Cindy

I think what Cindy has said here is very important to keep in mind when starting transition (not just physically, but socially, mentally, and emotionally).  I will enjoy my young life as a young man, but growing into an old man will be good, too.  It's growing into an old woman that I couldn't stand the thought of.  No one wants to get old, but it's a reality.  I've thought through it and I know what I want - and you should do the same.

Most likely, BlackRabbit, being a true male model is unlikely.

I certainly have ideals.  There are many ways I imagine myself to be, in my daydreams.  I have gone from idolizing one person to another, living vicariously through this character, and that character.  But in the end, what is the larger picture at hand?  They are male.  Essentially, my role in society, my mindset, and simply how I regard my body to be, is male.  No matter the "trends" I go through, which clothes I want to wear, what color I want my hair, and so on and so forth, that is one of the most basic of traits that has never changed.

Separate your ideals from reality and try to glimpse who you are, in which body and role you are most comfortable.  The rest just falls into place.

[Cindy]

I will enjoy my young life as a young man, but growing into an old man will be good, too.  It's growing into an old woman that I couldn't stand the thought of.  No one wants to get old, but it's a reality.  I've thought through it and I know what I want - and you should do the same.

Most likely, BlackRabbit, being a true male model is unlikely.

You calling me an old woman I'll come over and change your nappies son. Might have to use some talc, then a bit of a pat. Nurse you for a while, a quick burb. Oooh where are you
Meant in fun. But mmmmmm. I've been feeling clucky recently.

Love
Cindy

[Radar]

I don't totally understand your situation but I advise you talk to a psychologist/therapist first. You usually have to anyway to get on T and get surgery referrals. Being a transman is more than just about looks, it's about what's inside. Your sexual identity.

It sounds like, to me anyway, that you like being female and identify as a female. Many effects of T and the surgeries are irreversible. Going on T will give you some of the results you'll want but you'll get others it sounds like you wouldn't want. And as others said you won't be young or young looking forever.

You need to look at all these things and more when deciding to transition. It's a big and life changing event. Talking to a transgender psychologist will help you in figuring these things out and weigh your pros and cons.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi BR,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out

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Blessed Be.
Janet

[Vancha]

I will enjoy my young life as a young man, but growing into an old man will be good, too.  It's growing into an old woman that I couldn't stand the thought of.  No one wants to get old, but it's a reality.  I've thought through it and I know what I want - and you should do the same.

Most likely, BlackRabbit, being a true male model is unlikely.

You calling me an old woman I'll come over and change your nappies son. Might have to use some talc, then a bit of a pat. Nurse you for a while, a quick burb. Oooh where are you
Meant in fun. But mmmmmm. I've been feeling clucky recently.

Love
Cindy

Haha, no harm meant, honestly!  You look very young to me.    In all seriousness, though, it's easy to desire being a beautiful young woman / handsome young man, but the realization that youth doesn't last forever is important.

Like the others have said, if the OP is comfortable being female in most ways, they should reconsider taking an androgen.

[Jamie-o]

I don't think the OP is looking for T or full transition, just top surgery.  I actually know one person who has done that - had top surgery, no T, and does not identify as either male or female.  But sie is in hir 30's, well educated, well spoken, has a good job where sie is out and accepted, has a very long history of advocating for gender-variant people - all things that add to hir credibility, and therefore made the surgeon comfortable doing the surgery without fear that sie would later regret it.  It can be done, but you have to have done your research and to be able to articulate why you want it, what you expect, and how it will affect your life from now on.

[Nero]

I don't think the OP is looking for T or full transition, just top surgery.  I actually know one person who has done that - had top surgery, no T, and does not identify as either male or female.  But sie is in hir 30's, well educated, well spoken, has a good job where sie is out and accepted, has a very long history of advocating for gender-variant people - all things that add to hir credibility, and therefore made the surgeon comfortable doing the surgery without fear that sie would later regret it.  It can be done, but you have to have done your research and to be able to articulate why you want it, what you expect, and how it will affect your life from now on.

This.
Thing is that if you plan to stay as a female, people will notice and think it's odd that you don't have breasts. Unlike genitals, breasts are highly visible things. Most people can't look at a woman without noting her chest. Even flat chested women generally have noticeable lumps in their shirts. You'll probably get asked about it a lot. You may grow tired of explaining that you're not a breast cancer survivor. Lovers of both sexes prefer a female to have breasts of some sort. It may not seem like it, but this is a major decision that will effect the rest of your life.
It's really not in the category of a body mod. 

[Vancha]

Definitely.  If you want to be seen as female, live your life as female, you're going to want breasts.  Now, if you want to live androgynous and don't care whether people see you as female or male - well, then, that's just fine.  But if you care how people perceive your gender, you're going to want to be presenting as said gender - and attracting people from that gender.  So as a woman, you're going to want breasts - as a man, no breasts.  Really think about it.