Question about genderqueer & acquiring hormone prescriptions!

[GQPAT]

Hey all,

My name's Pat...I'm new here...early 20's women's studies major @ a university in Montreal, Quebec.  I'm male-bodied by nature but completely bi-gendered mentally.  Here's the thing: I struggled for a LONG time with confusion as to what I was (as I'm sure you all have too).  Right from the first moment of consciousness I knew that I didn't feel comfortable being identified as a guy...than in my pre-teen years (9-12) I started experimenting with dress...putting on my mom's bras, underpants, skirts, etc.  I started thinking "hey maybe I was supposed to have been born  a girl?)  Well you can probably understand the confusion I went through, yet again, when I went through puberty and I didn't develop breasts.  I remember having an almost pathalogical addiction to the sight of breasts & hips, feeling jealous of all my female-bodied peers.  By mid-teens I simply forgot about my gender issues and resigned myself to being a bisexual male.  Fast forward to three years ago when it was in school, given the academic vocabulary with which to describe these feelings that I started questioning it all again.  I think I've read just about every single thing Patrick Califia has ever written ad nausem.  So just recently I came to the conclusion that I am definitely NOT transsexual, in that I wouldn't feel comfortable with being slotted into the other end of the spectrum either.  I've come to the conclusion that genderqueer is definitely the best way to describe myself mentally for now and after A LOT of introspection I've decided that I would like to start hormones to bring my physical body more in line with my mental state.  I'm definitely very gender dysphoric (yes I know that term is loaded).  I say this because I don't mind my facial hair but despise my chest hair (starting electrolysis on that in the next few months), I don't hate my penis but I would definitely feel more comfortable with breasts, I don't mind my broad shoulders but would feel more comfortable with hips. 

So after that long winded intro...here's my question:

I'm searching for a therapist this week...one who can (hopefully) aid me in my quest for semi-transition.  But I was wondering, if I go in there and tell them all this stuff about how I'm feel ambigous mentally and would like my body to match that "in-between-ness" will they outright deny me them because I'm not a TRUE transsexual OR should I go in there and try and play the "I'm-a-type-1->-bleeped-<" card and try and convince them that I've felt like a "woman trapped inside a man, my whole life I've felt like a woman, blah blah blah"  I've heard stories of a few genderqueers who have done that in order to get hormones legitimately.  I feel trapped almost....it's  choosing between lying about my true gender identity in order to obtain cheap(er), safe(r), and regulated hormones and staying integrally true to myself but paying exorbinant amounts for unsafe, unregulated, outright freaking scary, hormones from the street dealers.

Seriously....what am I to do?  Any thoughts on any of this would be appreciated!!

Cheers: Pat

[veronica06]

Seriously....what am I to do?  Any thoughts on any of this would be appreciated!!

Cheers: Pat
==================
thoughts?
uh..yeah.
in MY mind?  "I" am one for total complete unabashed unrevised uncensored TRUTH!
now it may be..YOUR truth..but so what?
it's what ya care about anyway.
ya ain't gonna give 2 hoots what some stupid textbook says.
I know damn well "I" don't!

y'all just walk in...and spill your guts.
talk..talk..talk.
ya gotta communicate.
find that 1 person..you feel you trust.

by the gods...do what your heart tells you.
just don't get into anything you can't pull back from until you are ready to step into it.

everyone here..WILL back you up.
WELCOME and come back when you can take your shoes off and stay awhile.

[Kate]

I feel trapped almost....it's  choosing between lying about my true gender identity in order to obtain cheap(er), safe(r), and regulated hormones and staying integrally true to myself but paying exorbinant amounts for unsafe, unregulated, outright freaking scary, hormones from the street dealers.

Well, first off, I wouldn't lie. A good therapist will help you discover things about yourself you may be missing or avoiding right now. No matter how well you think you know yourself, there's a good chance that there's tons of hidden emotions just waiting to be exposed and reviewed. TRUST me on this, lol.

Plus, any good therapist will know you're lying. They see it all the time, and most have learned to pick up on it quickly. Or so I'm told.

As for hormones, I don't know if they'd prescribe them for you. The Standards of Care do seem to require a TSism diagnosis, and yet they also allow for low-dose regimens for those who do NOT intend to fully transition. But I doubt that they'll prescribe anything unless there's significant pain and suffering in your life now as a male, suffering which they feel HRT is likely to alleviate.

[beth]

Hello Pat,

                Welcome to Susan's

                I think you should go to a therapist and be honest about your feelings. TS/TG issues are such a burden that many times they are in flux and do not stabilize until our 30s or 40s. You sound sure of where you are now but be open to a possible change, especially coming out and discussing all the issues with a therapist.

                 Hormones in the quantity needed to bring noticeable changes (breasts etc) are most likely to cause a loss of male sexual function and impotency. Besides the danger of illegal hormones being fake or of unknown potency taking them without a doctors supervision is extreamly dangerous. Even if quality medications are taken in the correct dosage many complications can result including an imbalance in blood chemicals that can cause death without warning. A doctor will monitor your blood chemistry to prevent this.

                Talk to a therapist, have some electrolosis, shave where it makes you feel more feminine, get your ears pierced etc. but stay away from medication until it is perscribed. Being dishonest to obtain medication is being dishonest to your self.


I wish you the best

beth

[seldom]

First genderqueer is probably a more loaded term then gender dysphoria.  Gender dysphoria is an actual psychological term, with an actual diagnosis.  While some in acadamia in the non-medical disciplines question the term and diagnosis, it does have a basis in reality.  I am not saying that gender and sex are tied, because I believe that gender is primarily societal construct.  I do have a problem with the term gender dysphoria, but not the actual diagnosis and the treatment for the diagnosis. 

You have to understand when you take on the term genderqueer it is a very political term and a modern one.  Genderqueer has some clear political and philosophical overtones, in that it implies that you are beyond gender or gender enlightened.  There is an implied level of comfort with your gender identity and  are comfortable being outside of the gender binary.  This is the reason why genderqueer is a loaded term,  I claim myself to be genderqueer, but I also claim myself as androgyne first and foremost.  Genderqueer represents more my gender politics then my gender identity.   

With that being said it sounds like you should be going to therapy.  It is pretty clear that there are some pretty significant issues with regards to gender with you.  I am not sure I can put a clear label on you just because you seem like you are still in a discovery phase, you can be bi-gendered or androgyne, but at the same time you might be transsexual.  This is something that you really should work out with a therapist before you even contemplate hrt.  You seem like you still have alot of issues to work out. 

[Kendall]

An experienced one will know about androgynes / genderqueers. This is most likely in large cities. Same goes true of TS experience though. Otherwise you may have to look around some or even help "educate" one if totally necessary. Same goes with TS knowledge in small towns.

Even then, most androgynes and genderqueers dont hrt. Though some do. (/raises hand).

[seldom]

Well taking Pat is located in Montreal, Pat tends to be in pretty good shape in terms of location.  Montreal is a very open city and there is the benefit of the Canadian health care system.  It is going to be much easier to find people in Montreal with similiar experiences as well. 

[tinkerbell]

Hello Pat,

                Welcome to Susan's

                I think you should go to a therapist and be honest about your feelings. TS/TG issues are such a burden that many times they are in flux and do not stabilize until our 30s or 40s. You sound sure of where you are now but be open to a possible change, especially coming out and discussing all the issues with a therapist.

                 Hormones in the quantity needed to bring noticeable changes (breasts etc) are most likely to cause a loss of male sexual function and impotency. Besides the danger of illegal hormones being fake or of unknown potency taking them without a doctors supervision is extreamly dangerous. Even if quality medications are taken in the correct dosage many complications can result including an imbalance in blood chemicals that can cause death without warning. A doctor will monitor your blood chemistry to prevent this.

                Talk to a therapist, have some electrolosis, shave where it makes you feel more feminine, get your ears pierced etc. but stay away from medication until it is perscribed. Being dishonest to obtain medication is being dishonest to your self.


I wish you the best

beth

Exactly what Beth said!  Hormones can cause serious irreversible changes and if you are not TS, that's the worst thing you can do to yourself.

tinkerbell

[Kendall]

Another option is breast implants. I know a androgyne that had them, and never did do hormones.

Just need find a willing plastic surgeon for the right price.

And their is just the normal implant complications. No worry of life threatening complications such as blood clots, cancer, and liver problems. Or no chemical castration , which happens with hormones.

[GQPAT]

Thanks for the quick reply everyone!
I think the overall consensus here is that honesty is the best answer (and seldom is right that therapists know when someone is faking it)!  The thing is...I've done a lot of research on hormones and weighed the pros (softer skin, peace of mind, redistributed body fat, breast promotion) vs. the cons (chemical castration, blood clots, societal problems) and yeah...I wouldn't want to get breast implants because I like the idea of them being grown from my own flesh and blood (even if they only end up being AA)!

It's a really interesting point about the use of the term genderqueer....gives me some food for thought...very appreciated!

Cheers: Pat

P.S. With regards to pronoun usage feel free to switch 'em up when referring to me (ie: he, she or zee)

[tinkerbell]

Hi Pat,

There are many wonderful articles in our wiki for your reading pleasure, so please feel free to explore them thoroughly.

Hormone Replacement Therapy

Reference Library


tinkerbell