I may be barking up the wrong tree here? cos this is pretty much the opposite approach to what most of you are doing. How about just learning to love the gender you are? Or learning to be whoever you are (feminine, masculine, neutral, whatever) in whatever body you happen to have?
I don't think i am really at home in my current gender, but i also don't think i'd feel much more at home as the other gender. Being a perfect fully-function hermaphrodite, accepted as such by the world would be ideal... but not really an option...
sorry this is likely to get a bit stream of consciousness...
I think my body is part of me. I don't feel like i'm in a body; i feel like i am a body. So, while i have a working female body, change is not an option that makes sense to me, though if enough of my female body ever got sick or injurred i may be tempted to have myself reconstructed as something more male or androgynous. But that's a tangent, I hope the body i have keeps working.
I have been asking around for ways to pass as male or obscure my gender. I don't think i'd have much interest in going full time, i do sometimes like being female. I would really like to be able to pass when i wanted though. Or just obscure my gender. I want to keep my gender private really, but that doesn't seem feasible, i have a very feminine body. I can't think of a way to do it, a lot of the ways seem too painful (binders, i can't tolerate take tight waist bands), just hopeless without doing much irreversible, or just silly (false beard).
A lot of them also seem kind of dishonest (for me to try at least) like learning a new speaking voice, it wouldn't seem like my voice. Or trying to change my mannerisms. I prefer to just act as comes naturally and just be myself, which i think is probably pretty genderless. But being in a very female body, in the clothes that fit a female body well, i obviously get perceived as female and treated as female.
Just demanding to be treated as neither seems to be asking to much. as is going out "i'm going to be male me today", without putting in way more effort that i can motivate myself to do. Maybe this lack of effort on appearance means i do have some real masculine in me (tough half-way into cheek).
I've got all sorts of personas running round in my head... and i started almost de-integrating last year... assigning all my flaws to either my "male side" or my "female side". But when i think about it, i think i can chase my gender into a corner, and i think it only REALLY resides in my body not my mind, my mind is genderless. How can i free myself from gender? Or learn to love my gender?
