Another "how did you know you were really trans?" topic

[browncoat]

Well, I'm trying to figure out whether I'm trans, and... you know the rest.

Don't be offended if I challenge your answers - I'm trying to work out the logic and thought processes behind transition.

Most appreciated are explanations other than the three most common:

-bodily dysphoria
-dislike of being treated "like a man/woman" (many people have that too, but it's a problem that can be fixed by equalizing the treatment of the sexes through feminism)
-enjoying activities traditionally considered "feminine/masculine" or interacting more with people opposite one's birth sex (again, non-trans people do these things too)

If my suspicions are correct, explanations that boil down to anything other than these three are rare, and I'll have to find out whether I really have bodily dysphoria.

[LordKAT]

I think most of us just kind of know who we are, and always did. The rest of the world disagrees maybe but I know my own mind and they don't.

[V M]

I knew early on in childhood but lived in denial of myself for several years.

My recent self acceptance is probably the best thing that's ever happened in my life.

I'm finally able to quit "acting" to please others and just be myself

[sd]

There is nothing that is 100% proof.

Body disphoria can be a identifier, however not always. Some people do some strange thing to themselves thinking it will be better or that it is more "them" or may even cure them. So don't use that as an example of proof necessarily.

Liking to be treated as such is also not such a good way. There are people while to be treated as babies, they even wear diapers and learn to un-potty train themselves. Some like to be treated as slaves and used. Again, its a good indicator possibly but not conclusive.

Activities are also a bad indicator. My mother and grandmother like baseball, my mother played for a while. My dad couldn't stand most sports. My mom likes home improvement projects and has owned or asked for quite a few power tools.



Personally, I always knew I wasn't a boy, but I wasn't sure I was a girl. I couldn't make that leap. I did for a long time just want to be rid of "that" thinking if it were gone I could be happy. Eventually I realized it was more than that.

I have never liked being treated as a guy. I hated hearing sir, I hated hearing You're such a nice man, boy, etc.. It just never was me. I tried to act as one as much as I could, but it was always unnatural.

I was never into sports except bike riding and skateboards both of which have some girls in them. I also like older cars. Was I like the guys with some of this stuff, no. I wasn't competitive about it like they were.

Did all of that make me a girl, no. I had to figure that out on it's own. Only you can figure this out. You can do it alone, with the help of a friend, or a therapist. At some point you will just know I guess you could say.

[DawnL]

Gender dysphoria is the generally accepted term as opposed to body dysphoria which is generic and can be equally applied to other un-gender related issues.  People get plastic surgery or even resort to self-amputation of digits in extreme cases of body dysphoria.

The most common refrain is that people generally know from an early age that they are uncomfortable in their present gender and I personally feel that is the most reliable indicator of gender issues.  You seem to be trying to arrive at a formula when no formula exists.  While there are common threads, most situations also contain unique circumstances.  Given the right set of "rules" a lot of people could be defined as "trans" when they probably are not.

If you are uncertain, you may need a qualified therapist to help you sort through your feelings.  While I think Susan's is a fabulous resource, I don't think coming here and asking three somewhat vague questions will help you solve your gender questions.

I knew I was severely dysphoric before I arrived here.  This is where I came to figure out what to do about it.

[Teknoir]

-dislike of being treated "like a man/woman" (many people have that too, but it's a problem that can be fixed by equalizing the treatment of the sexes through feminism)

I disagree with that statement.

While sexism and gender role stereotyping sits badly on most people when it casts them in a negative light (including cisgendered folks), there's another aspect to this.

It's not only treatment as one's birth sex that many transpeople take issue with, it's being seen as a member of that birth sex what so ever. Even when it's in a positive light.

That's not something you're going to "fix" with feminism.

No matter which way the "social advantage" goes, I'm still a man. If one were to suggest someone in my postion could be happy as a female if females had "the advantage" (thanks to feminism "fixing" the problem) it would be considered insulting and offensive (Not that I'm saying you said that, I'm just applying the statement).

Everyone feels the need to be seen and acknowledged by others as they see themselves. I think that's where a big ol' chunk of the desire to transition comes from. It's got nothing to do with gender roles, power, social advantage or anything else some academic feminism would have you believe.

[V M]

Yeah, that quoted comment kinda bothered me as well as the condition of not talking about the "three most common" things that trans people experience.

I'm not offended, just feeling a bit boxed in.

[Miniar]

It's not about activities for me. I'm not into sports. I'm no mechanic. I'm .. I'm a sweet guy in a homosexual relationship. I'm no alpha male and I've no desire to be one.

It's not about gender roles either. I've been raised to know that I can do anything any "man" can do if I so choose. I was raised knowing that I could be a doctor, not just a nurse.

It is a "little" bit about being seen as a bloke. But not because it's a reflection of what I can or can not do, but because it's a reflection of my body.

My body is wrong.
That's the core of my issues.
I "know" that I'm supposed to have equipment that I don't have and I "know" my chest is all wrong.
I hate what the estrogen does to me and I have done everything I can to get over those issues.
I got to do something about my body or I'll just up and kill myself because I just can't live like this.
simple's that.

[LordKAT]

Those "three most common" things are more like the three least common that I've heard. Wonder where OP got that idea anyway.

I have heard them as more like symptoms or secondary things but not as how you "knew" you were trans.

[K8]

I knew at an early age that I would fit into the world better as a girl.  I've seen nothing in the intervening years to contradict that.  Finally becoming as much of a woman as I can, that early conviction has only been reinforced and repeatedly confirmed.

That said, I knew I was transgendered (how could I not?) but didn't know I was transsexual until I finally opened up to others and to myself. 

You know when you know and not before.  (How's that for clear logic? )

- Kate

[sd]

I knew at an early age that I would fit into the world better as a girl.

That is possibly the best explanation I have seen. 

[GamerJames]

I'm finally able to quit "acting" to please others and just be myself

^This^

and...

I knew I was severely dysphoric before I arrived here.  This is where I came to figure out what to do about it.

^This^


Although, I do have to add: Even though I knew, I was still afraid of *admitting* it - to myself and to others. So I did do a little bit of "how do you know" once I got here. But honestly, would I have been here even asking the question if I was totally 100% cisgender? I can't answer that question for anyone else, but for me, the answer is no.

[FairyGirl]

Kate is totally right. I just knew as a child, but spent years trying to fit in because I thought/was literally force-fed that I had no choice in the matter. Oh god how that belief cut me to my soul for so many years. Damn it hurts now just thinking about it.

How do you know you're thirsty, hungry or need oxygen to breathe?

Exactly. For some of us it goes way deeper than just those 3 examples; it isn't dependent on being able to rationally analyze it in a list.

[sd]

What you should be doing is not challenging people's answers (some of us know who/what we are - we've always known) but looking for a good therapist to help YOU "work out the logic and thought processes behind transition." 

Very true

[Nicky]

The fact that you are wondering if you are trans probably means you are. Sometimes it is more difficult working out what sort of transgender person you are, the possibilities huge. I think it all comes down to what you feel. It is subjective. Even among transexuals nobody experiences it in quite the same way. Perhaps it is much more useful to look at what you actually want and desire than compare yourself to a list.

The body stuff is easy - just ask yourself what you would like your body to be like. The hardest bit might be accepting the answer - just as NES_Junkie_James said.

I knew I was transgendered because I did not feel that I was a man. That was the bigest indicator for me. Being able to accept this took some time. Dysphoria, the dislike of social roles etc..were all just symptoms of me being trans.

If you really want a more clinical 'logical' approach have a look at the DSM. I don't normaly recomend it because I don't like it but it might give you some insight.

[Ms Jessica]

Agreeing with Leslie Ann's post.  There's nothing that you can point to and say "see, I'm really trans!" 
I think it's something where you identify certain similarities between the experiences of others and your own history. 

Not that I'm dodging the queston, I mean I did reply to it, but my answer is something like "if going on HRT and having GRS are ego-syntonic choices for you". 

Srsly, if you want to go on hormones, and you want GRS, and you want to live in a cross-gender role, or you have always identified with the gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, then it's a good bet that you're trans.  None of the cis people I know are interested in something like being on HRT.  Superficially maybe, but that's not what I'm talking about. 

[Ms Bev]

Actually, I always knew I was female.  When I was a preteen, I first heard about Christine Jorgenson, and knew that's what I wanted .....somehow.
I knew it in my cells after the first week of hrt.


Bev