Just stressed ( parents discovering more about me )

[thestory]

So... tonight was a bit troubling, stressful...then oddly okay...

I came home late tonight as usual. I work character modeling at school on Friday's and don't get home till midnight. I always take an hour or so to wind down at my girlfriend's place before heading home. When I got back my father was awake with the TV, and I didn't think my mom would bother coming out of bed at 3 to greet me. She is usually asleep by now.
So I took this time to put my binder and some of my guy clothes in the wash. (mind you my parents had yet to find out I had been dressing out as a guy.) Then I went to shower and go to bed.
It wasn't long before my mom was yelling at me through the bathroom door. In short I ended up having to spill the beans because my mom found my clothes.
My parents were upset claiming I was being a hypocrite saying I was born with my mind, but wanting to change my body and present myself differently instead of changing my brain to suit my body. It was a stressful discussion. I ended up getting into an argument with my father ( who is rather mild mannered ) and that was even more stressful. They feel I am rushing things and don't know what I want. My mother thinks I'm confused and don't know who I am. For some reason she thinks I'm being brainwashed by my peers ( who are pretty much all straight and normal enough.) These all have been my desicions....I had to come out to my friends too.
But my parents are stubborn.
The conversation ended with my dad punching a wall and giving up for the night.
My mother came back not long after to say goodnight giving me the message that my father still loved me and she did too. They say they will except me even if I go though with all of this. They just don't want me to rush. My mother believes its all an experimental faze for me.
But these are feeling I've had forever. I am not a girl and i don't want to remain being seen as such. I want to be me.

So I am here simply writing whats on my mind and getting a few things off my chest. At least I know my family will always love and care for me... i just don't think this will be easy for them and things will be getting rocky here and there down the road, I am sure.

[Amy1177]

Hi Kamren,

I went through a little bit of a confusing time for a while and wondered why I wanted to dress like a girl all time time and eventually be at least a part time girl.  I ended up finding my answer to that through learning more about my spirituality.  I was sitting with one of my daughters on the couch one day and I was kinda looking for something to read and I glanced over and saw some Silvia Browne books that my wife had.  One set was the journey of the soul series.  95% of what I read just felt absolutely right down to my personal core.  One of the things that I have learned is that everything including God has duality and that we come into life many times under different circumstances to experience and perfect for God.  Essentially we are either male or female entities on the Other Side and we usually come into life as whatever entity we are on the Other Side.  Every once in a while someone wants to come into life to experience as the opposite sex of what they are most familiar with and it carries over into life.  In this life I am a male named Tom but once it is time to go Home to the Other Side I know that I am a feminine entity named Amy.  and the more feminine side of Amy (myself) really wants to come out on this side.

[Miniar]

Sounds like they'll come around in good time, the initial shock may just have been a bit much for them.
Maybe later, you can calmly sit down with them and explain just how long you've known this and just how long you've been pursuing the change in self (as in, the time between now and the day you first wanted to bind and/or pack).
The calmer you are, the better.
Cause calm = serious in most people's minds. If you present your case in a calm, matter of fact, sort of way, they're more likely to accept it. (Which does mean you have to speak to them like an equal a bit too.)

[K8]

I agree with Miniar.  If you can discuss this calmly with your parents they will probably accept it more readily.

The cat's out of the bag for you, Kamren.  Now it's time for damage control. 

A NOTE TO OTHERS: Take control of the process of coming out to those important to you.  Do not do things where they will accidentally find out.  Being open and honest with them is almost always the better way.  If they are part of the process, they are more likely to accept it and support you.  Most people don't like surprises, especially at 3 in the morning.

Good luck, Kamren.  I hope your discussion with your parents goes well.  It sounds like they'll be fine with it once the shock wears off.

- Kate

[thestory]

Thanks for the support and advice.
Luckily all my stressful yelling and bickering has been out of my system for a while now. I had some bad arguments with my parents a month ago when I first came out.
Yesterday when this whole event happened I was really calm and luckily have pretty much gotten over the fact that my parents are going to be uncomfortable with this for a while.
I think I've got a good grip on myself and have removed a good chunk of emotional investment to what others may think of this. So I can now talk civilly without going off the deep end.
I don't blame them and I'm not angry anymore. I am being patient and hope to get patients in return.
I expressed to them I couldn't understand how difficult it must be being a parent in this situation and all, and I will never understand. But I do know it must hurt.

This morning I got up and got dressed as a male without hiding myself from them. I got uncomfortable glances but my mother and father still hugged me goodbye and told me they loved me.

I think I am lucky. I don't have one of those miracle / dream stories of the family being accepting and me just being paranoid. But I have heard much worse and I know I am well off.

[K8]

Good for you, Kamren.   It sounds like they are coming around.  It just takes time - longer for some than for others.  You've been thinking about this for a long time, but for them it is still fairly new.  They probably went through a period of denial and are just now starting to work on it.

Be gentle with those who love you.  It sounds like that is what's going on in your family, Karmen.

*hugs*
Kate

[Sandy]

A NOTE TO OTHERS: Take control of the process of coming out to those important to you.  Do not do things where they will accidentally find out.  Being open and honest with them is almost always the better way.  If they are part of the process, they are more likely to accept it and support you.  Most people don't like surprises, especially at 3 in the morning.
- Kate

Well, said, Kate!  Get in front of this rising tide of change if at all possible.  Try to be prepared for every eventuality.  If at all possible, let yourself be the agent of change, not the situation.

-Sandy