Hi my names Nicki 'Intersexed'

[nicki]

Hi, my name is Nicki, I just joined here today and would like to ty to make some friends to share life experiences with please. I originate from Favela in Rio de Janeiro in Brasil and now living at the moment in the UK.

I was born intersexed and thankfully have been as a female which is what I am.

I was adoted very young by people from england in Brasil and was abused very badly by them becasue they did not want me to be a girl despite I was crying out I was a girl, they tried to make me conform to be the oposite. I became so terribly torn up and frightened because I knew I was a girl but it was no use they forced me into another role wanted me to be put on testosterone therapy before long and being so young I knew I had no control over them to stop this horror, so as with many Brazilian children I had no choice but to run away from home and forced into the street life and the rest is history.

Parents have no right to force a gender onto any child, it is totally wrong and they should not be allowed to do this. It is for the child to grow to make their own decision as it is their life for which they have to live out the rest of their life for themselves of which the parents do not have to do. Parents may bring a child into the world but, they do not 'own' that child. But rather they have a duty to their child and the duty is to love and 'respect' that child for who they are and not for what they want them to be.

I am now 36 and I obtained hormones from the age of 10 through transgendered and transsexual girls who raised me in Brasil and for this I am so grateful to them and I love and admire and respect girls like this who saved me. If it was not for them I know I would have taken my life. I have a great closeness to both transsexual and transgendered people, for the most they are trully wonderfull and beautifully caring and natured people. It was the only way, I had no other choice. It's so sad as it has still affected me to this day for what my adopted parents would have forced upon me and because of this it has made me feel neglected and abandoned which has deeply hurt me throughout my life.

Fortunately I am very small and petite Latina and look as a natal female but the mental scars are still there nontheless.

In the UK I have not managed to find others born like me despite searching the net. I'm hoping to make some friends here please. Love. Nicki. Obrigada. X

[aisha]

Hey, thats a very inspiring story for me, the fact that you made it through it all and are now independent, and even far away. I am a transgender female and I feel like my parents think its a joke, which really hurts me at times, but they say this is their space, and continue to refer to me as my old name even though they said they would not, but when they did call me Aisha it was just to get me to do things, and still even that was only a name. I hate feeling like we're fighting all the time silently. But I guess they are never going to accept it. I don't know I guess I am pretty depressed in life, but I have a vision for the world, going back to its old ways and stuff, people in the community talking to eachother more, because where I live, no one does that. I don't know any of people who live around me and they don't really seem to be interested in getting to know me. And the ones I do know we have such non similar interests. oh well, i guess thats what happens when ur a transgendered anarchist hippie fairy drop-out in the maryland suburbs... go figure. But I know I'll make it through, life has a way of given me just enough, exactly what i need, to get through anything. so... yeah, good to know you though brazil is a good place... i don't know much about it but a really good friend of mine is from there, and moved back, i miss him.

well i guess i have rambled enough

peace..

[Northern Jane]

Welcome Nicki!

Your story is a lot like mine (except for the exotic location)

What Intersex condition do you have?

[nicki]

Hi Northern Jane,
Sorry took so long to reply to your question, I am under a lot of specialists and have had little time to myself.
My intersex condition is that I was born with my genitalia growing up inside as a vagina without mucosa tissue although my vagina is closed at the top end, above this I also have a normal cervix which is mucosa but unable to lubricate the vagina, but this is shortly going to be rectified through surgery to join the vagina and cervix together.

I was also born with a small scrotum but absense of gonads both male and female.
My doctors are convinced I do have ovaries because my body is producing a natural cyclic pattern of estrogen, therefore this is all under intense investigation. The ultra scan was not clear in locating the ovaries so I am going back for more tests yet again. I have been told if the ovaries are not in the right place they could have developed elsewhere in my body but this is not clear as yet. I did not have a penis as such as this was more of a large clitoris although the urinary passage was abnormal at that time.

I have lived as a girl for most of my life and know know different and have developed well structurally physically as a normal female.

I cannot take exogonous hormones anymore because I am producing my own, unless I take the contraceptive pill of which I cannot take at the moment because of all the tests being done on me I my not need to take anything.

Nicki
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Post Merge: September 05, 2009, 02:35:04 AM
Oh yes, I also had menstrual cyclic periods from puberty until the age of 28 through the rear passage. Stupid arrogant doctors in the past said it could have been piles? 'Yeah right. ok, whatever'? cycling heavy for almost 18 years?

It's turned out I have endometriosis, the lining of the womb has grown into the rectile tissue and this was the cause of my bleeding all along. I also have to have surgery for this too. But they won't perform surgery until they locate the ovaries and see what else is all messed up inside me.

The reason the bleeding stopped at the age of 28, I'm now 36, was because I started having depo provera shots. I didn't figure that out, my specialists told me this was the cause. But although I do not take anymore depo's since my periods have still not returned in the last 8 years, so obviously depo provera has caused me more problems. I've read on the net so many other women have been totally messed up for life on that stuff in more ways than one and the damage in some cases has been permanent.

Take care.

Nicki
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[Northern Jane]

I have heard of similar cases but I don't remember what the eventual diagnosis was.

If you have normal cyclic hormone levels, it is almost certain you have TWO ovaries.

Endometriosis isn't surprising considering your anatomy.

I hope they can fix things up properly so everything works right.

[nicki]

Hi Nothern Jane,

It would be so nice, I have struggled with this all my life and the end never seems to come to resolve this. I am seeing my doctor again this week to see what is to happen next. I am so tired of it all it wares me down. I keep thinking, will I ever see the end of this all once and for all? It always seems to be so complicated and complicated has been my life to date. I just ride along with it and hope for the best if there is such a thing?

Still, I am who I am and we are all who we are and we all beautiful people in our own right and that's all that matters.

Nicki

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[Janet_Girl]

Hi Nicki,

Welcome to our little family. Over 3100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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Blessed Be.
Janet

[nicki]

Thankyou Janet,

That's so kind of you to make me feel welcome and I hope things are well for you.

Nicki.

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Post Merge: September 06, 2009, 05:22:22 AM
Hi Aisha,

Aisha is such a beautiful name, I have met many natal females both in Brasil of Carribean culture with the same name, also in the time I have been in england which isn't really that long I have met several girls in London of Carribean culture with the same name. Such a lovely name. I have a very beautiful and a very long Latina name but I do not wish to divulge to this for reasons.

I like to spend a lot of time in London, especially the Latin quarters and also Brixton town because of the cultural thing to me is so very wonderful and I get to meet such lovely people of my culture from Brasil, also Italianos as I am Italian/Brazilian myself and also I get to meet espanholas Portugueses and Carribean and African cultural and of course Engles people too. I like culture it is so important in my life and to this these people are so beautiful and this togetherness is what make so much better understanding of who we all are.

You say you have no friends for you where you live?

I say to you, go and join in with events and show the world the happy side to you and a beautiful smile on your face and let the people get to know you for who you are. Yes if you allow people to get to know the beautiful person within you both you and they will flourish from this and you will be so very pleasantly surprised to this they will admire and respect you so much and get to love you as the person you ar and respect the person you are.

How can they ever do this or get to know the real you if you do not put yourself out to give them a chance? You must involve yourself in activities and try to make female friends for you and talk openly and do not be afraid. They will admire and respect you for this and you will become so much a happier person Aisha. Select men friends carefully so not to be taken the advantage of. Make female friends is best.

Big hugs for you Aisha.

Nicki.

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