heterogirls & transboys

[Nick Aiden]

i met him as a boy, and he is a boy to me in my mind

Stick with that and run with it.

Completely agree. If I can make a large generalization this is all a trans male really wants

[Shelina]

OH GOD emoglassesenvy, you're so REAL! Why I couldn't have a straight boyfriend with attitudes like you. I loved more than 10 guys in my life, I used to disguise as girl before compared to now where it is 'official' and every time I confessed my love ones that I am a boy, they ALL rejected me. I realize all their supposedly love for me was fake and they were just after me for sex. Now that I am transitioning, new comers in my heart can keep dreaming that I'll tell them what I am.

[Alyx.]

Oh cool! A japanese person! I'm into a lot of the things you guys produce there. :3 I just got done reading "Negima!". Cool country you have, I especially think your temples and bullet trains, they're way cool. >.< And your english is great, you speak it like a native, you even have slang down!

*coughcough* Now that my silly fangirl moment is over, how about some real advice?

Don't say thing like "You are such a girl." That probobly pisses him off, more then he lets on...

And you should love the guy you love, no matter how he is born! If you love him, run with it! (I'm a hopeless romantic too...)

I can't really say anything that hasn't been said already...

[Mister]

Sorry, I'm not trying to start an argument, but I really disagree with this part. I think that FTMs are just as likely to be insecure about passing, and to be offended by being called a girl. Sure, some might not mind, but I think it's safer to *not* say stuff like that until you know his personal preference on the matter, than to think "he won't mind, FTMs pass really well"... Just my two cents.

I agree.  Especially if surgery is not accessible to said FTM, passing with tits is considerably harder than passing with a dick.

[tekla]

Everyone sees your tits.  Lots of guys go through their whole life with only themselves and their doctor seeing their dick.

[Alex_C]

Ceiling Cat sees it too......

[emoglassesenvy]

yeah, i hear you guys. this stuff should probably just come out all naturally between us... i do know that there is such a thing as researching too much... however, finding out that the boy i talked to every day and hung out with all of the time for 8 months not only had a huge life-affecting secret, but that that secret was him being transgender... it was a huge shock and i find myself having all of these thoughts and emotions and questions filling up my brain and there isn't really anyone i can talk to about it... so i really appreciate you guys helping me out.

Oh cool! A japanese person! I'm into a lot of the things you guys produce there. :3 I just got done reading "Negima!". Cool country you have, I especially think your temples and bullet trains, they're way cool. >.< And your english is great, you speak it like a native, you even have slang down!

hehe i'm actually a blonde american girl... i just happen to live in japan and date a japanese boy. but yeah, i think temples and bullet trains are cool too~ that's why i moved here a few years ago

And you should love the guy you love, no matter how he is born! If you love him, run with it! (I'm a hopeless romantic too...)

solid advice if i ever heard it~ <3

I agree.  Especially if surgery is not accessible to said FTM, passing with tits is considerably harder than passing with a dick.

yeah, my boyfriend has had top surgery and luckily his body shape is not very womanly at all~ body-wise he's ok, but his face is a bit feminine.
before his surgery i know he wore one of those shirts that flatten out that area and apparently it even passed the test of someone touching his chest to check if he really was a boy. 

so is the not passing with boobs because of not having a binder or having one that doesn't do its job right?

[Mister]

Either no binder, a crappy binder or being too large chested to have a binder get your chest flat enough to pass. 

[Alex_C]

Amazing to see a blonde probably very Nordic girl turn into a genuine Japanese right here on the Internet.


Oh I wait for the day this infernal thing dies and we can go back to gay bars, tons and tons of gay bars. And straight, etc etc etc etc bars too. Face-to-face!! SCARY!!

[shreeree]

Hello, I'm a heterowoman and I think the way you responded and is handling his confession to you is a beautiful thing.  As a woman, what attracts you to any man is how he makes you feel as a person and his ability to confide and open himself to you is such a plus in order to have a healthy and loving relationship.  You have already established honesty in your relationship so now that you know, you can easily fall into the trap of overthinking things, especially as a Christian female that has had a life time of what is right or wrong preached to you in every fiber of your being. 

I agree with others speaking to him directly is the only way to go.  You can no more ask another transgender male about how to treat another than you can ask any man on how to make another man fall in love with you.   It will only be from that man you're asking point of view.

I can understand you wanting to know everything about everything in regards to FTM, but with each posting that I am reading from you,  I feel you are doing what most women do when we are falling in love with a man.  You are overthinking things.  You are a woman in love with a man, that happens to be different below the waist.  No different than a birth defect.  Like most birth defects you don't research it to death or think it to death.  You know it, you see it, and you accept it or not.

This is just my opinion, but you are fortunate to have the real thing right there with his most vulnerable heart opened to you to take or break.  Only this man holds all the answers you seek.  All this other information you are picking up by the wayside, in movies and such will only confuse the heart.  Also remember no matter when you chose to have sex, he will still be who he is.  And if you wait until marraige to actually address the fact as to if you can be just as happy and satisfied with your Christian beleifs that this man is different then what you've read in the bible.  then you will end up hurting the person you have come to love the most.  At his point in the relationship he is giving you the out you need so that you can maintain the loving friendship you have.

The only research you need to do now is inside you.  You're saying he is a guy, and I only see him as a guy, but you don't not like before, because now you are self consious of what you say.  If he could laugh at your teasing before he will still laugh now.  He's still the same guy.

The  more you research the more you will see he's a girl that became a guy and I think lose site of what is sitting right there before you.

Ree

[emoglassesenvy]

I agree with others speaking to him directly is the only way to go.  You can no more ask another transgender male about how to treat another than you can ask any man on how to make another man fall in love with you.   It will only be from that man you're asking point of view.

I can understand you wanting to know everything about everything in regards to FTM, but with each posting that I am reading from you,  I feel you are doing what most women do when we are falling in love with a man.  You are overthinking things.

The only research you need to do now is inside you.  You're saying he is a guy, and I only see him as a guy, but you don't not like before, because now you are self consious of what you say.  If he could laugh at your teasing before he will still laugh now.  He's still the same guy.

The  more you research the more you will see he's a girl that became a guy and I think lose site of what is sitting right there before you.

Yeah, I think you're very right... I have to admit that there *is* such a thing as too much research. When I first found out that he is ftm, I scoured the internet and was thrilled to find helpful information and forums like these. However, reading people's posts about getting periods or talking about other girl things made me think strange things..

for example, I have never thought of him as a girl, but reading forums and trying to accept that he was really brought up as a girl made me "try out" thinking "well what if he was a girl" or staring at pictures and trying to see the "girl"  in the picture...  I think also researching bottom surgery (just the tip of the iceberg, but it was enough) made me have that kind of "ok I really to stop researching about this because it is not doing anyone any good right now."

I think that stage was important for me to really understand that yes, he was born with a female body  instead of being in denial about it. I went from being totally fine and naive about his ->-bleeped-<-, to being worried and doubtful for about a week (with things worries like if it's just a phase, if it makes me a lesbian, etc), but we had some wonderful talks and like you guys have been saying... finding out he's transgender doesn't change him, he is still the guy that I fell for and I acknowledge that he has girl parts but I have no doubt in my mind that he is male.

Also remember no matter when you chose to have sex, he will still be who he is.  And if you wait until marraige to actually address the fact as to if you can be just as happy and satisfied with your Christian beleifs that this man is different then what you've read in the bible.  then you will end up hurting the person you have come to love the most.  At his point in the relationship he is giving you the out you need so that you can maintain the loving friendship you have.

about Christianity and ->-bleeped-<-... I see no conflict at all. even if someone could try to make a case against homosexuality, homosexuality is not ->-bleeped-<-.  transsexuality is, as you said, a physical birth defect... just like someone born blind or deaf. it is for all intents and purposes "not natural", it's just an unfortunate thing that happens. it's no use to blame God because it's not "wrong" ... it's just something that went wrong physically.

So yeah, a relationship with him being ftm is a non-issue for me. a bigger issue for me is a relationship with him being a non-Christian... as we have different ideas of what level of physical contact is appropriate. but that's a whole nother set of issues that we'll figure out as we go along <3

thanks for taking the time to reply, i appreciate your input!

[shreeree]

"about Christianity and ->-bleeped-<-... I see no conflict at all. even if someone could try to make a case against homosexuality, homosexuality is not ->-bleeped-<-.  transsexuality is, as you said, a physical birth defect... just like someone born blind or deaf. it is for all intents and purposes "not natural", it's just an unfortunate thing that happens. it's no use to blame God because it's not "wrong" ... it's just something that went wrong physically."

You are welcome and your thinking process is great, just keep thinking from the way of "he makes me happy" and build from it.  I think each of us are born with an inherited spirituality.  You don't have to go to church or be babtized to know what feels right or wrong.  I think instincts are the inherited feelings I speak of.  If it was as wrong as religious leaders want you to beleive, than how could God allow you possibly to fall in love with this person you are with?  Wouldn't your instincts tell you it was wrong.  Trust me my ex-husband was all wrong and my instincts told me over and over again even had a tornado on our wedding day (LOL) Talking about God trying to tell me  something.  I married him anyway.  It was a mistake, but I kept telling myself I rather have him than be alone.   Being with him made me lonelier than I ever been in my entire life.  However, it taught me that being alone and happy is not the worse thing that could happen to me.  Be with someone and being unhappy is.

If this man makes you feel happy continue to embrace it with open arms and remember take no more BS from him than you would any other guy.  Also, since you don't have the sexual experience yet with penetration since you are waiting.  I was a virgin until I was 32 and after I lost my virginity I still found that all my orgasms were acheived through clitorial stimulation and the penetration was all for his sake than mine.   It's different for alot of women, only your body knows what it likes or wants, but I personanlly have felt as if the cock was overrated in regards to female satisfaction.  We are fortunate to have so many sensitive zones on the outside I can have several orgasms before penetration even happens.  I'm glad I'm more a clitoris orgasmic person because if you have an impotent partner it wouldn't make or break the relationship like it would with a woman that is "dick happy" excuse the crassness.

Ree