Why some of you openly reveal you are transsexuals?

[Shelina]

You don't realize by doing this people no more consider you as a REAL female/male but they consider you as a '3rd gender'. For some we are even regarded just as a 'creature'.

Why do some of you like openly revealing what you are? 

[Jamie-o]

Many people feel that the only way to change society's perception of trans-people is to become the "known" element in people's lives.  People tend to be afraid of what they don't understand.  Being out gives you the chance to educate the public one person at a time. 

It's just like homosexuality.  Not so long ago most homosexuals were closeted, and so most people thought (wrongly) "Oh, I don't know any of those type of people.  They're all a bunch of perverts, and I'd know if I knew any of them."  Now most people know at least a few out gays and lesbians, and they've come to know them as regular people.  Slowly but surely society is coming around to near-total acceptance.

Me, I have mixed feelings about being out.  At this point I live in a small town and am in the process of transitioning, so I don't really have a whole lot of choice about being out.  Part of me would like to move away and start over where no-one knows me.  But part of me feels that A) To deny the first 30-odd years of my life is to deny a large part of what made me who I am, for better or for worse.  B) It's a relief not to have to remember who knows what.  I can make silly jokes about myself, or go on a date, or reminisce about my childhood without worrying about "What if someone finds out?" or "How am I going to explain myself?"  C) No matter how much I wish otherwise, the fact is I'm not just an ordinary guy.  I will always be unusually short, I will always have scars to mark where the breasts were, I will likely never be able to be intimate with someone without explaining my anatomical differences, I will never have the childhood experiences I would have had if I'd been born a boy, and I have had experiences, both good and bad, that I would not have had if I'd been born a boy.

On the other hand, there is a part of me that agrees with you.  Why go through all this if I'm going to go around putting a big question mark over my head?  Honestly, I don't know which side of me will win out in the end.  I'm sure my views will shift as I move further into transition.

[Miniar]

Jaime-o explained most of how I feel about it.

[HelenW]

I have a number of reasons why I sometimes reveal myself to be transsexual.  The most personal one is that I refuse to lie about myself anymore.  I did that for most of my life and my disgust over my mendacity was one of the biggest motivating factors I had for transitioning.  I refuse to live a lie and the truth is, I lived my first 52 years of life as a man, even if it was just pretend.

I don't announce my past and never talk about it unless it's germane to the circumstance though.  My past isn't most people's business anyway.  That said, as a volunteer educator I find it helps my credibility as such to admit that I am trans, since that gives me the authority to educate people about it.  It's just that no one, that I know anyway, wears their "teacher hat" 24/7.  I don't, so when I'm not in that role I generally keep my mouth shut.

An interesting point though, I find myself being much more willing to talk about the fact that I'm married to a woman, and am lesbian oriented, than I am of talking about my past and my transition in certain situations, at work for example.  I suspect the "lesbian" label might be more self-validating. 

hugs & smiles
Emelye

[Sandy]

I agree with everything Emelye said.  Especially about the lesbian issue.  Especially when in public and people see Pat and I holding hands or kissing, they see us as a lesbian couple and I am quiet happy with that.  I think the term validating is quite appropriate.

To some who know my past, I cannot hide.  To others I only reveal when appropriate or germane to the issue at hand.  I don't wear a sign around my neck.

To all I am accepted as female, not "third gender".  No one has ever questioned my femininity.  I am female and have always been so.

-Sandy(and damn proud of it too!)

[tekla]

Sometimes as some of the above posters have said, it's not always possible to conceal.  You are in a time and place where that's just not in the cards.  Some by being in a smaller place, or on a job, where people know them - others by being like Cher's son.  Still others like our German singing girl, want to use it to promote themselves. 

Others, like me I guess - I tell people flat out, it takes away any advantage someone might have in knowing about it, takes the humor away from it, and I never have to worry about anyone finding out.  Hell, there is a picture of me in all done up to work an Erotic Event in a darling little skirt and tool belt at my union hall. I get some jobs because they know I can work in those environments and conditions.

And I always let people think what they will, they may be right or wrong - but either way, I can't control their thoughts, so I don't bother.

[finewine]

Hell, there is a picture of me in all done up to work an Erotic Event in a darling little skirt and tool belt

Oh great, throw a hook like that out without a link?  Ooh you teasing cow! hehe

[Miniar]

I was in a bit of a rush when I replied last time, but now I have more time so...

The thing is. If I don't tell, seeing as there's a large group of family and friends that know me and have known me as a girl in the past, I am setting myself up to be "outed" against my will. By being open about my situation, I am in control of who knows, when and under what circumstances. I may be in a better situation to pass than some, but there's always going to be someone who knows. I can't erase all knowledge of my past history from the world without killing a lot of people.

I also want to preserve my self acceptance. I am who I am because of the road I've traveled. To deny that road is to deny what made me the man I am today. It is to deny a large portion of myself. And I do not want to do that to myself.

I think those two are the two biggest reasons why I'm never really going to go for "stealth". It doesn't mean I'll introduce myself to every stranger with a "Hi, Hans Miniar Jónsson, Trans-Man!" but it means that I'm not going to hide it either.

[tekla]

I wish I had a link, its a physical picture unfortunately, and I don't even have a copy - but I sure hear about it all the time.

[Virginia87106]

The main reason I identify as a trans person is because our culture and society has so far to go in granting transgender people equal rights and status.  One of my missions in this life is to spur them along if I can.

I am presenting a workshop (co-facilitated with one of my FtM friends) in the West Palm Beach FL area on Nov. 21, entitled "heterosexism and transgender oppression".  If anyone in the area would like to attend please PM me and I will send the info.

[barbie]

I generally do not "openly" reveal it. If asked, then I reveal it.

Being honest is a best one when dealing with aquaintances and strangers together.

Barbie~~

[Jay]

I do it to people who need to know. People who don't I do not disclose.. but to be honest there is no one in my life who does not actually know.

Your correct they don't see you as the gender they once did when you told them... 

Jay

[FairyGirl]

sometimes circumstances force us to out ourselves, like dealing with name change stuff in my case my old name is obviously male and my new name obviously female, but everyone has been totally cool with it. I did have to tell one of my friends who mentioned it in passing in a conversation with I and some others that I am just a regular woman and should not be referred to as anything else. This friend is a GG lesbian so she got the message loud and clear.

Some people do it because they are fighting for equality and acceptance for the rest of us, and I am grateful and truly admire and respect those who do this. Even if you don't agree with it, they are fighting for all of us and it has made a difference in the way we are perceived in some cases. For me however, I see no need to out myself unless it is relevant to the situation, as Sandy and others here mentioned. I consider being trans to be a temporary condition only, not a profession. If some people wonder, let 'em wonder.

[myles]

At this point I have only "outed" myself  for job purposes, trying to get someone to give me a reference and  they needed to know I changed my name and gender in order to know who the person is asking about when they call. That said I also have not moved and most people know because they knew me before I transitioned. Having kids also makes it more difficult at times as they forget on occasion and slip with the pronouns.
I am finally meeting people who have not met me as my female name and do no plan on disclosing my past.
Myles

[Hannah]

You don't realize by doing this people no more consider you as a REAL female/male but they consider you as a '3rd gender'. For some we are even regarded just as a 'creature'.

Why do some of you like openly revealing what you are?

That's quite a question Shelina. Yes I/we realise people don't see us as 'real', at least not right away. It's a knife in the heart every time, and honestly I don't see myself ever getting used to it. It seems we are compelled to put our money where out mouths are so to speak, and I've noticed the longer people have been transitioning the better they seem to integrate.

I'm quite aware of the third gender thing your'e suggesting, and if you recall Angie Zapata's murderer referred to her as an "it". To say we "like" it on any level is probably inaccurate. Wer'e doing the best we can with the pretty crappy lot dealt to us. Your'e having the experience too, would you really consider it fun? Would it be more proper for us to go around depressed and sighing during transition, or to face the things we face closeted and alone; or does it make sense to find some kind of joy and try to live through transition even if it results in openly revealing "what" we are?

[Miniar]

Everyone who knows accepts me as Male so far.
I can't know what goes on in their head so I can't tell for 100% sure that they see me as I am, but they don't treat me any different than my brother.

[GinaDouglas]

/quote]

I don't think "like" is the right word for it.  It's more apt to say that "openly revealing" is, for some, the best of bad choices.  I don't want people to think I have been deceiving them.

[petzjazz]

I don't. Ever. I've never been asked (I skipped the what-the-hell-gender-is-THAT stage and went straight from being seen as a butch lesbian to passing), but if I were, I'd lie like a politician. The only people I've told are the necessaries: my parents and the clerks who changed my documents.

I lived for most of my life as a heteronormal female, and I know damn well that a good deal of otherwise fine people do NOT view transsexuals as the gender they present as, but as transsexuals. I did this to be viewed as a man. Not a T-man, not a used-to-be-a-girl-but-chopped-her-boobs-off, not a oh-man-that's-really-a-woman?! - a man. By everybody. I don't care how accepting 90% of the world might be; I'm stealth because of the other 10%. I prefer to think of transition as not a life choice, but an actual transition - a temporary journey from one thing to another.

[Tammy Hope]

You don't realize by doing this people no more consider you as a REAL female/male but they consider you as a '3rd gender'. For some we are even regarded just as a 'creature'.

Why do some of you like openly revealing what you are?

"Like" isn't the right word.

I simply recognize that trying to "get away with it" and failing is even worse. when you are making a laughably inadaquate effort at passing, you are even more an object of scorn, IMO, than if you simply admit you know what they know - that you are not fooling anyone.

Post Merge: September 11, 2009, 11:09:38 PM
Another aspect is what Emelye alluded too - I'm done with masks.

If someone asks me "what's up with the changes?" I have found I CAN'T play it off and not tell the truth. I spent 40ish years lying and faking and I'm not interested in more of that.

Maybe someday I'll be pretty enough that no one who doesn't know me will ever think of it and if so, I sure won't wear a badge that says "Hi! I'm Trans!"

But I'm done lying and faking.

[SarahFaceDoom]

Because I am who I am, and I don't want to live my life in fear.  Your past shouldn't be a shame.  Not unless you were a nazi prison guard or something.  So what if I had the life of a boy growing up?  It's nothing to be ashamed of.

And I also feel like I don't fit a lot of stereotypes that are out there for our community, so I think it does change people's minds.  Plus I'm so easy to get along with, even when people start out disrespecting me, they eventually love me.

I also don't correct people if they screw up my gender.  Which doesn't happen a lot, but it does happen.  When I first started my current job, the manager outted me to everyone, which was whatever.  But so this one girl just kept using male pronouns to refer to me, even in front of customers.  Which just made her look dumb, because to our customers, obviously, I look like a girl.  But I was like, whatever.  And just let her keep doing what she was doing without any correction.  A week later, she has all of the pronouns straight on her own.  And everything was kosher after that.

I don't care who knows honestly.  So long as they don't physically harm me, then I'll take my chances against anything they want to say to my face.  But generally, I'm so easy going and easy to get along with, it's all good.

I think it's good for GLBT too.  This staunch republican fox news watching guy actually went out of his way one day to say that he was for gay marriage.  And I think it was in small part because he had gotten to know me and be friends with me, so he stopped seeing the GLBT community as such an other.

People need to understand, we're not a sensational fetish.  We're just people.

So I'm not going to live my life like a fugitive.  I don't believe that makes any part of the situation better.

The only time I won't out myself is if my safety would be in danger by doing so.  You have to be smart.