Passing well enough to get myself in trouble

[Tank Grrl]

Yeah, passing is wonderful and affirming. But I don't pass quite 100%, probably like 93%. Every once in a while, some guy will read me. Usually because he is "checking me out" so intensely. Usually they just have a shocked look of recognition, but sometimes they will feel compelled to say to their friend(s), "that's a dude!". At least they don't say it too loud, like guys used to before I began hormones. Part of the problem of living in Seattle is that guys seem to be on the lookout for trans women. I still haven't figured out whether women who look at me and smile are reading me, or if that's just what women are supposed to do when they make eye contact with another woman.

Anyhow, a few weeks ago I was walking home from my friend's house(in a skecthy area of the city) and I happened to be on a poorly lit, almost deserted street. Two guys were approaching me on the same side of the sidewalk. My brain said to cross to the other side, but I didn't. As they approached, they began saying terribly offensive, misogynist things to me. they split and walked on either side of me as they passed, which freaked me out, because I thought they were going to assault me. I just began walking as fast as I could. As they passed me, one of them said, "->-bleeped-<-, that's a ->-bleeped-<-in' dude!" I glanced over my shoulder to see them turn around and begin to pursue me. So, I took off running as fast as I could, cut down an alley, and kept going. I stopped at one point, and peeked around the corner and sure enough, I saw them, they were still trying to find me. I quietly trotted to the end of the street and took off running again, until I got to a busier street.

I had an emotional breakdown when I got back home and I was a mess for a week after that. I still don't go to my friend's neighborhood after dark anymore.

So, why the ->-bleeped-<- do SOME guys get SO angry when they read me? I know why, and it really doesn't matter. What matters is that they get hostile. I'm kinda thinking about carrying my little .38 special in my purse again, since we can legally carry a concealed pistol in this state. I do always carry a small, sharp, folder knife in my purse now, so if those guys had caught me, I would have given at least one of them a nasty puncture would. Explain THAT to the ER doc, ->-bleeped-<-!

[tekla]

and I happened to be on a poorly lit, almost deserted street
A .38 will not protect you from really bad, poorly thought out decisions. 

My brain said to cross to the other side
You should listen to the smarter parts of yourself.

[daisybelle]

I'm kinda thinking about carrying my little .38 special in my purse again, since we can legally carry a concealed pistol in this state. I do always carry a small, sharp, folder knife in my purse now, so if those guys had caught me, I would have given at least one of them a nasty puncture would. Explain THAT to the ER doc, ->-bleeped-<-!

And where would you be aiming the Special or the knife?  An unscheduled orchidetomy perhaps. 

Take care of yourself, and be smart next time.

D

[Tank Grrl]

You're right on both, tekla, i could kick myself for not crossing the damn street!! I've walked on that street hundreds of times during the day, and no problems, well except for a few catcalls. When the sun goes down, it gets scary. I was being cheap also, by not calling a cab. a cab would have cost me 5 bucks.
Post Merge: September 11, 2009, 12:09:37 PM
I'm actually pretty good with a .38, I used to go to the range all the time.

[FairyGirl]

a woman needs to be aware at all times of her situation, where she is, and the potential dangers that could arise from it. It's quite different from being a guy and going pretty much anywhere you want anytime you want. Stay safe!

[finewine]

I'm actually pretty good with a .38, I used to go to the range all the time.

I believe you - but there's a great big whopping difference between calm targeting on a range and fumbling in a panic for a .38 in a purse during the tenths of a second it takes for someone to assault you at close range.

What did old Bruce say in Enter the Dragon?  "Boards don't hit back"

Glad you only had a scare and nothing worse though!

[Dana Lane]

Those guys seemed pretty aggressive to me. While crossing the street may have been a good idea I suspect they would have crossed as well.

[tekla]

There are lots of places where even strong guys don't walk.  And if you think its bad in NYC, LA (OK, no one walks anywhere in LA, still) or SF, or London (London has more places you can't walk, then places you can), you ought to try the third world.

[Debra]

Scary story but thanks for sharing. I live in the Seattle area as well and I don't really know how people react around here yet

[tekla]

The rule of thumb is the richer the area, the safer you are, but the more likely to talk with a cop.

[Tank Grrl]

Those guys seemed pretty aggressive to me. While crossing the street may have been a good idea I suspect they would have crossed as well.

I was thinking the same thing too.

[MaggieB]

One of the realities of life as a woman is that you must constantly be aware of your surroundings when out.  Going places that were second nature as a guy now may be incredibly dangerous.  Men react differently when they see a female form.  They are curious and want to see what you look like.  In essence you can't expect not to get attention even if you pass 100 % of the time.  Go out in pairs and especially at night be careful not to have to fumble for keys. Have them in your hand ready to go so you get in the car and lock the doors immediately. Do this even when you don't think you have to because it needs to be second nature.   Parking lots can be very dangerous. 

Now nothing I said has anything to do with being trans.  Add an element of that into an encounter with a male and he goes into the panic that he has just been attracted to what he thinks is a man.  Now throw in a second man who is a witness to this and just his presence encourages the first guy to get violent to prove he is not gay.   

For me, there are many places that I just won't go anymore and when I am out, I like to be with a female friend.  If the friend is trans and is only partially passable, I am more likely to get clocked as is she.  Add another transwoman in the group and the risk increases even more.  So, this sort of inhibits a lot of public get togethers but I will often do it and be ever more vigilant to any guy looking at us. 

As the debate for ENDA heats up this month, I expect transsexuals to be in the spotlight of the religious right who will try to paint us as badly as they can.  This may incite more people to be hostile, so I plan to have my guard up even more this fall.


Maggie

[Dana Lane]

One of the realities of life as a woman is that you must constantly be aware of your surroundings when out.  Going places that were second nature as a guy now may be incredibly dangerous.  Men react differently when they see a female form.  They are curious and want to see what you look like.  In essence you can't expect not to get attention even if you pass 100 % of the time.  Go out in pairs and especially at night be careful not to have to fumble for keys. Have them in your hand ready to go so you get in the car and lock the doors immediately. Do this even when you don't think you have to because it needs to be second nature.   Parking lots can be very dangerous. 

Now nothing I said has anything to do with being trans.  Add an element of that into an encounter with a male and he goes into the panic that he has just been attracted to what he thinks is a man.  Now throw in a second man who is a witness to this and just his presence encourages the first guy to get violent to prove he is not gay.   

For me, there are many places that I just won't go anymore and when I am out, I like to be with a female friend.  If the friend is trans and is only partially passable, I am more likely to get clocked as is she.  Add another transwoman in the group and the risk increases even more.  So, this sort of inhibits a lot of public get togethers but I will often do it and be ever more vigilant to any guy looking at us. 

As the debate for ENDA heats up this month, I expect transsexuals to be in the spotlight of the religious right who will try to paint us as badly as they can.  This may incite more people to be hostile, so I plan to have my guard up even more this fall.


Maggie

Excellent post!

[FairyGirl]

Excellent post!

I agree, and I'll only add never, EVER leave your drink unattended at a bar.

[Tank Grrl]

I've definitely gotten a crash course in being female in the world over the past year and a half!

Now nothing I said has anything to do with being trans.  Add an element of that into an encounter with a male and he goes into the panic that he has just been attracted to what he thinks is a man.  Now throw in a second man who is a witness to this and just his presence encourages the first guy to get violent to prove he is not gay.   

Yeah, that is definitely true, two guys are FAR more dangerous than one.
[quote author=Maggie Kay link=topic=65029.msg432002#msg432002 date=1252691082

As the debate for ENDA heats up this month, I expect transsexuals to be in the spotlight of the religious right who will try to paint us as badly as they can.  This may incite more people to be hostile, so I plan to have my guard up even more this fall.
Maggie
[/quote]
Yeah, that's true also, I heard that one senator referred to trans people as "freaks" this week.

[barbie]

Yes. I also walked at night as in guy mode when I first went out in full dress in the U.S. After experiencing a life-threatening incident, I became very careful in walking outdoors. I looked at other girls, noting that most of them walk outdoors in two or more, never alone, even at day time in the mall.

Fortunately, after I came back to here my country, I do not need to worry about it any longer. It is crowded and many sexy and young girls in hot pants or miniskirts stroll alone without any fear at midnight. Some times I become one of them 

By the way, Seattle generally seemed to me a safe place.

Barbie~~

[K8]

Tank Grrl, I'm glad you learned a valuable lesson without getting hurt.  I noticed right away after starting RLE that I felt more vulnerable.  I mentioned this to a cis-girl friend and she said as I become more open I will be more vulnerable, but I think it's more than that.  I am vulnerable as a woman and doubly so as what in many eyes is an ersatz woman.

Before I started this odyssey I had to think long and hard about two things: accepting myself as I am, and accepting the very real possibility of encountering violence.  Thank you, Tank Grrl, for your posting.  We all need to be reminded now and then of the dangers that lurk out there for those of us who are different than the norm.

Some guys like to show that they are in control and see women as controllable objects.  They also don't like to be made fools of.  Keep yourself safe.

- Kate

[Valerie Elizabeth]

That is scary.  I am glad that you are OK!  I feel vulnerable in the parking lot when it gets dark out in nice places, so I wouldn't even risk a street.

I'm actually pretty good with a .38, I used to go to the range all the time.

I hate to be a jerk, but an off body carry, especially in a purse probably wouldn't do you any good, and neither would a knife.  A person can cross 21 feet in the time it takes you to draw a holstered gun (and that is if you are training regularly and can draw fast).  That would put the barrel of the gun right in front of them.  On top of that, if you're gun is on safety, then you have to take off the safety (assuming yours has a safety), or cock it, etc.  If you carry a semi-auto, safety on or off, cocked, not cocked, quarter cocked?  Round chambered?  See what I am getting at?

So, now your gun is in your purse.  How accessible is it?  ßDo you have to unzip your purse to get at it?  Do you have to rummage for it, or can you grab it right away?  What happens if they are close and grab your purse before you get it out, then what?

Like someone else said, shooting non moving paper targets is way different than shooting at real people.  I will tell you the first time I pointed a rifle at another person was really much crazier than I thought it would be.  The adrenaline makes it worse too, you get shaky, it gets hard to think straight.

I know it sounds nuts, but if you are going to carry a gun, practice drawing, acquiring, dry firing every day.  Do it at the range.  Secure the scene (check your surroundings).  When I was carrying concealed, I would practice drawing, removing the safety, acquiring, and shooting (dry firing) every day.  I set a time aside every night to practice, even if it was just a couple times.  Trying to draw really fast when you aren't 100%, on top of a ->-bleeped-<-ty situation with adrenaline will make you fumble.

Find a competent firearms instructor and take a course.  If the situation every does arise where you need to draw your firearm, you need to place shots that count.

Guns make people feel safe, trust me I know.  Don't let the gun make you think you can go in a more dangerous place just because you have it.

Sorry if I scared you, but sometimes it needs to be done.  Sorry if I sounded like a jerk, but I don't want to see you hurt.



On a somewhat similar but different side note, be careful with martial arts too.  I feel like a lot of times, martial arts will get you in a worse place when you encounter someone with street fighting experience.  I also think the groin is not a sure knock down either.  I have seen plenty of guys take hard shots to the groin, grunt and keep on going.  Not to mention if they have are on any substances.  I have also seen and heard about it taking multiple people to restrain one person on drugs, so you have to take them in to account.

Please be careful.

[Alex_C]

Tankie, I'm a past national pistol champ and as importantly, a cool head in a firefight or an imminant plane crash, etc. I'd rather carry:

COMMON SENSE
Parson's Ammonia, carry something you can squirt it with
COMMON SENSE
Sabre brand pepper spray, this brand has some CS in it
COMMON SENSE
Boxing/grappling/MMA training. Krav Maga is a good one.
COMMON SENSE

Good thing those man-legs of yours could run you outta there.

[Northern Jane]

All of your plans and intentions for self-defence can go right out the window in a surprise attack so simply don't get in a bad situation! THINK!

I was 16 and had escaped to the big city (Toronto) where I was working shift work. (This was 1966 or 67) I was walking the five blocks from the subway to my boarding house around 11 p.m. one night. I wasn't dressed girly, just kind of androgynous working clothes. Being a country bumpkin, I had never thought of myself as "a target" although I had heard of "the subway rapist" (someone who was abducting, raping, and killing young women after leaving a subway station) and although legally "male" I had a reasonably nice figure.

The street was relatively quiet, quiet enough that I heard a car approaching from behind me but before I could even glance over my shoulder, the van was beside me, there was a hand over my mouth, and a strong arm around me. He threw me in the van so hard that it knocked me out when I hit my head on the other side!

I was probably only unconscious for a few minutes and when I started to come to we were entering a run-down industrial area that I knew was deserted. I knew I was in BIG TROUBLE! There guys were 'the subway rapist', they had killed everyone they had abducted, and when they found out I wasn't a normal girl, I was certainly going to be dead!

When they dragged me out of the van, I fought like a wildcat and screamed bloody murder! I bit, I scratched, I kicked - I just went frigging NUTS! They must have though they tied in to the Tasmanian Devil LOL! They were WAY stronger than me but I was quick and fighting for my life (and screaming all the while) as they were trying to rip my clothes off. The last thing I heard was a siren not too far away, then they slammed me into the side of the van and I was out cold (again).

I woke up in the hospital with a police officer sitting by my bed. Apparently my screams had been heard and someone called the police - that was the siren I heard. The police were very nice to me. Apparently I had 'inflicted some damage' on my attackers as the police found hair, blood, and cloth at the scene, the first physical evidence they had in the 'subway rapist' case.

The only "decision" I made that night that saved my life was deciding to "go nuts" and do as much damage as I could before they killed me. A gun, knife, or pepper spray would have been totally useless.

A FAR better decision would have been to take a different route, one that was longer but would have kept me in a busier part of the city.