Recently, I was at a support group meeting discussing my aging mother that I have not seen in twenty years. One of the counselors suggested that I write my thoughts about her and what she did to me in a document so as to help me come to terms with her. I reminded him that my book was about that subject and he had a copy. He said that he had read about half of it but was so busy with other matters to finish. I said that in the book, I did describe my experiences growing up with her and only changed the names of the town and people so the family of the man that molested me would not be inclined to sue me as I have no proof.
This revelation wasn't new to the lead therapist, I told him this at the intake session two years ago. However, since that time, he has been involved in a men's sexual abuse counseling program. He participated in a documentary called "Boyhood Shadows" which chronicles the experiences of several men who were molested as boys. He gave me a screening copy on DVD and suggested that I attend counseling for it. As I am a woman, it was different for me so the end goal would be that I go to a rape crisis support group with natal women.
I watched the DVD and was moved but very little rang home to me even though at the time it happened, I identified as a male. My reactions to being molested were very different than the men. The shocking thing about the issue is that one in six boys are molested in the USA by the time they are adults. It is a sickening thing that most never ever tell and that for most of past, they would not be believed. Males simply could not be molested. Earlier, I was told that in the 1950s and 1960s, if I had told the authorities it would have caused me to undergo shock therapy until I recanted or that my brain was fried enough to forget that it happened. The molester would not be punished or even be charged.
BTW, the Catholic church has paid over 2 Billion dollars in settlements for this issue in the US from priests molesting boys. It is a major issue.
I have always wondered why I was chosen to be molested. Now, I understand that a feminine boy with fine features and from a single parent family put me in the cross hairs. I was a throw away child in my town so it didn't matter what they did to me. I wonder, have other transwomen had this kind of childhood experience?
Maggie
