What was or is your BIGGEST FEAR in transitioning?

[Shelina]

Me it was the hormones, what about you?

[placeholdername]

Isn't this pretty much the same question as in your other thread?  Not really a need to make more than one for it.

[Shelina]

Isn't this pretty much the same question as in your other thread?  Not really a need to make more than one for it.

Not at all dear. The other thread was 'How long did you hesitate to take hormones?', this thread is 'What is/was your fear'? The answer could be parents, FFS, SRS or electrolysis. Hadn't I replied another answer than hormones, this thread would have had sound different. 

[Miniar]

My current biggest fear, as I'm still pre everything, is going to the psychologist, jumping through all the hoops, and being told, that I'm just not dysphoric enough to warrant treatment (transition) or something along those lines.
To get a "no".
That's my fear.

And I know it's not entirely rational, but if I want to do this right, my treatment is in the hands of someone other than me.
And I have issues with the idea of not being in control of my own life (even if I know there's limits to how much control you can have.. I still need to feel like ultimately, the decision is mine).
I don't want to do this the self-medicating way where I trust "some guy" in another country to send me what he says he will upon me giving up some money and then "IF" it's delivered, self inject it "like they do on you-tube" and hope it contains what the label states... I want to "know" what I'm doing, not take a stranger's word for it.

[Janet_Girl]

For me it was the "blending in".  I hated the term GID, because I saw it as "Guy In Drag".  And that I never wanted to be.

But RLE kicked me in the pants and now I 'blend in'.  And even on those days that I may not, I don't care.  I am a woman and that is the end of the story.


Janet

[Debra]

I thought my biggest fear was losing my male genitals but lately I've had a certain peace about that now, it's weird.

Now I'd definitely say blending in and all that goes with it. As much as I believe I'm a woman on the inside, I've had 28 years of ingrained training of acting like a man.

[Wendy1974]

Not being able to blend in was mine too. I am 6'1" and have a deep voice which seemed like insurmountable obstacles but funnily enough it turns out that my height just makes people think 'wow she's tall' and with a lot of work my voice is becoming passable, although the phone is the Devil make no mistake.

[Cadence Jean]

My current biggest fear, as I'm still pre everything, is going to the psychologist, jumping through all the hoops, and being told, that I'm just not dysphoric enough to warrant treatment (transition) or something along those lines.
To get a "no".
That's my fear.

Miniar, I was right there with you about three weeks ago.  I was so afraid of being "shut down" by my psychologist.  Where would that leave me?  Obviously, something is weird about me.  I don't fit with society, I'm an outcast, always have been.  If this wasn't it, what could it possibly be?  Am I just broken, unfixable?

As providence would have it, I ended up with an AMAZING psychologist.  After I let all that out to her, she was like, "I'm not shutting you down.  I just need to know where you see yourself in the future so we can get you there."  I felt like I had to prove myself to her, but she completely trusted everything I said as fact.  It was incredible to be accepted like that, after feeling my entire life that I had to prove to people who I was(well, that I was a "man" or that I was worthy of hanging out with them, etc).  Therapy is great now - we're getting a lot of good work done on my mind!

That's not my biggest fear though.  Biggest fear - losing my daughter during this process.  She lives with me.  And it is gut-wrenching when I think about taking her "daddy" away from her.  I'm afraid this will alienate her from me.

Second fear is definitely not being accepted as a woman.  It's particularly hard for me because I don't identify as girlie-girl, I'm more dominate lesbian type(not butch though), so there will be masculine traits carrying over.  They're part of my personality and I'm not dumping them to fit with societal expectations of a woman.  Hell - I'm a lesbian.

What do you fear about hormones, Shelina?

[Nero]

Right now, it's having all my paperwork changed and not passing. I think it's taking me longer to pass than normal. But I expected that, because I did start out with a very feminine face.
So, yeah I'm nervous about the incongruence of looking female with a male name and driver's license.

[Asfsd4214]

My biggest fear is that what I'm doing is not the right thing.

It's like my old self and my "true" self are in a fight 24/7 over who gets to live. The logical, analytical part of my brain (funnily enough the most male parts of my mind) keep shouting at me, not that this is wrong, but that it MIGHT be wrong, wondering insistently about why I am this way, why I feel the way I do, and what the right choice is. But then there's the more emotional, instinctual parts of my mind (conversely the most female parts) crying out that it IS the right thing to do. Never once have I thought that I was supposed to be male as opposed to female, but the most logical parts of my mind can't help but question my actions at every turn.

In short, my biggest fear in transitioning is that it might be the wrong choice, but alternatively choosing NOT to transition I think would be an even more potentially devastating and more likely to be a choice I'd regret.

I suppose the obvious advice here would be to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I've tried that (and still am) and it's not really helping. 

[MaggieB]

My biggest fear was family rejection which did happen to a large extent.  I was devoted to them but now I know that they are not as devoted to me.  I was afraid that my wife would leave me but she didn't instead, she and I live as housemates.  It is almost what I feared.  If she finds a man that she falls in love with, I'll be out on the street unless I can force alimony.  My daughter who was the apple of my eye and I was very close to was so upset that I was not invited to her college graduation.  She barely speaks to me. 

Transition issues compared to this are almost trivial in comparison but they are still difficult.

Maggie

[Jeannette]

My biggest fear was really not transitioning.   I was terrified at the idea of being stuck in my former body forever.  I know I couldn't have survived it but there was always the fear in my mind.

[shanetastic]

My biggest fear is still the feeling of never being able to pass. 

That, and going full time but I sorta think they are connected.

[FairyGirl]

My biggest fear was really not transitioning.   I was terrified at the idea of being stuck in my former body forever.  I know I couldn't have survived it but there was always the fear in my mind.

Exactly the same with me. There was no other fear that even came close.

[Tammy Hope]

My biggest fear is cost.

to do everything you CAN afford to do and still be wildly "incomplete" because there's no way to afford to finish the task.

[Nathan.]

My fear is that they're gonna tell my I'm wrong and that I can't have T or top surgery because of that. 

Also i'm really worried that I wont be able to pass even after T.

[sarahb]

Fear, hmm. I don't think I had fear, so much as apprehension. I pretty much called most people's reactions so that didn't surprise me too much. I was more excited than fearful about FFS. Propably therapy would be the worst part, since like Miniar said, I hated having to jump through hoops. Therapy wasn't for me as I didn't really have a bad life before, save my gender issues, so I felt awkward everytime since I didn't have much to talk about.

Now I'm looking into SRS and have to go back to the therapist to get a letter and Im dreading it.

[MaggieB]

That's pretty horrible.

SilverFang

The saddest part of my being not invited to her college graduation was that I was her tutor for most of her education.  That really brought it home.

Maggie

[thestory]

My current biggest fear, as I'm still pre everything, is going to the psychologist, jumping through all the hoops, and being told, that I'm just not dysphoric enough to warrant treatment (transition) or something along those lines.
To get a "no".
That's my fear.

I second that... Sometimes it feels like everyone thinks its just a faze or your not going to go through with it. I don't think my family or even girlfriend believe it it's really me and it will disappear at some point or another. Perhaps it is because they can't relate. But to get that from therapist would be the worst because you need them to give the okay.

Also I don't have the means to start transition right now so I also am unnerved by the time that is slipping away. I know I am relatively young but it doesn't help the sense of wasted time.

[Chamillion]

My biggest fear was coming out to my dad, because he freaked out when I came out as a lesbian years ago, and we haven't had a good relationship since.  Surprisingly though, he took it really well and now we've actually started hanging out; he thinks it's kinda cool to have a son now