Womanhood - Expectations vs. Reality

[Cadence Jean]

Hold tight, girls - we're going deep now!:)  So I've had this thought rolling around in my head for a while.  I have expectations of what it would feel like to have a woman's body.  Call them fantasies or imaginings or dreams.  I've never had a woman's body, never experienced it, have no concrete knowledge of what it feels like(except for a few dreams in which I did have a woman's body, and I was absolutely glowing when I woke up!).  So my imaginings of what the experience would be like could be vastly different from the reality of what the experience feels like.  I expect it WILL be different - my concern is to what degree.  I know I have a feminine soul that needs to be expressed - that's not the issue.  It's how different my expectations are from the reality.  Almost like going to a movie with certain expectations, but finding that the reality is quite different.  I'd like to hear about your personal journeys - how your expectations of womanhood matched or didn't match the reality of living it.  Since I haven't experienced having a female body, I've written down my current expectations of having one.

Calmer, less aggressive, less anxiety interacting with people

Women will accept me as one of them - more girl talk, more fluid conversations(because I don't need to be concerned about revealing too much of my feminine personality)

People will not be weirded out by my fem mannerisms, speech patterns, or body language

Lesbians will consider me as a suitable partner(at least, alot more than do now!:P)

Emotions will intensify - cry more, happy more, feel more

Calmer, more patient, and move loving to my daughter - less irritable

More concerned with my appearance

Straight men will be more attracted to me, men in general will expect less from me - more impressed when I exceed their expectations

Feel more vulnerable(physically and emotionally)

Love myself

Look in the mirror and be happy that I have this body and that I'm me

Feel sexier, more attractive

More difficult to orgasm, but more intense(waves, tinglies, multiple)

Become more communal oriented

Feel a closer bond to my lovers(women)

Expected to wear makeup, jewelry, accessories

Expected not to work on my car or house, or eat a big plate of ribs, etc - to be "girly"

Be scroned by men as a "dyke", talked about behind my back by women

Smoother skin, less body hair, less shaving

Closer affiliation with my body, more self-confidence

More jiggly - more hips, more chest, less tummy/shoulders

That's kind of an odd point to leave off on, but that's where my list ends!:)  What has the journey from expectation to reality been like for you girls?

[FairyGirl]

If you'd numbered them it would have been easier in the order you have them listed, my experience so far:

1-3- yes
4- maybe
5- definitely yes
6- depends
7- yes
8- 3 parts: possibly, yes, and don't count on it- men usually don't like to be upstaged by women
9- definitely
10- yes, if not having it is causing you to not love yourself now. Otherwise, there may be other issues to work through
11- yes
12- maybe
13- yes, yes, YES!
14- huh? okay, more family oriented
15- yes
16- not necessarily
17- lol, yes
18- maybe
19- thank god yes
20- takes time
21- yes, except for tummy

in general, nothing has been exactly what I expected, but in general it's all been positive.

[Janet_Girl]

Calmer, less aggressive, less anxiety interacting with people

To Some degree, Hoping the my Orchie will finish the job.

Women will accept me as one of them - more girl talk, more fluid conversations(because I don't need to be concerned about revealing too much of my feminine personality)

Definitely has already happens.

People will not be weirded out by my fem mannerisms, speech patterns, or body language

Never had a problem

Lesbians will consider me as a suitable partner(at least, a lot more than do now!:P)

Unknown as I don't go to bars, in general.

Emotions will intensify - cry more, happy more, feel more

OH Hell yes, about time too.

Calmer, more patient, and move loving to my daughter - less irritable

Getting there, See #1

More concerned with my appearance

O Yeah!

Straight men will be more attracted to me, men in general will expect less from me - more impressed when I exceed their expectations

That tool some getting use to, but I enjoy the attention.

Feel more vulnerable(physically and emotionally)

And I used it when I was working. 

Love myself

Getting there, day by day

Look in the mirror and be happy that I have this body and that I'm me

Some of the parts are not right, but we shall see.

Feel sexier, more attractive

Can we say 'Hiss' when you touch the hip with a wet finger.

More difficult to orgasm, but more intense(waves, tingles, multiple

This is yet to be seen, as I am not sexual active.

Become more communal oriented

Definitely.

Feel a closer bond to my lovers(women)

Closer to women at least,

Expected to wear makeup, jewelry, accessories

And loving ever minute of it. 

Expected not to work on my car or house, or eat a big plate of ribs, etc - to be "girly"

But of course.

Be scorned by men as a "dyke", talked about behind my back by women

Don't know, Don't care.

Smoother skin, less body hair, less shaving

Hallelujah

Closer affiliation with my body, more self-confidence

Yes and getting more so everyday.

More jiggly - more hips, more chest, less tummy/shoulders

More Please Ma am!

Janet

[Alyssa M.]

I have more or less the same emotions, and I don't know about post-SRS orgasm. Otherwise, that sounds pretty realistic to me, not perfect, but close. Most of what you're talking about has to do with social presentation, not specifically the physical character of your body.

[Hannah]

I think Chloe and Janet pretty much summed it up. I can't really add anything but to mention that it has thus far exceeded every expectation, dream, and hope I had by leaps and bounds. I think they tell us to expect the worst to brace us for the social difficulties, because the physical and emotional parts have been nothing short of mind blowing.

Be scorned by men as a "dyke"

This made me lol, thank you 

[Myself]

I'd just say it feels natural.. more natural.. and stop being "ohh bluuuuuuuuurgh" at yourself all the time..

[dyssonance]

For me, it's been quite a bit better than expected, physically, although I have two complaints:

I hate not having upper body strength
I am even more sensitive to cold

I had different expectations than you did, however.

[Inphyy]

I am pre but I already know a lot about what you expect and the truth; A lot but not all of T-Girls expect to get sexy womanly curves and to be blazin'--But the thing is, their diet and exercise is still that as of an man.

Once you "become" a "woman", you have to change your diet and exercise, because if you eat like most typical men do and watch TV all day like typical not all men, then you will be heavier quicker!

So a lot of T-Girls end up gaining a lot of weight...

[K8]

Calmer, less aggressive, less anxiety interacting with people

Women will accept me as one of them - more girl talk, more fluid conversations(because I don't need to be concerned about revealing too much of my feminine personality)

People will not be weirded out by my fem mannerisms, speech patterns, or body language

Lesbians will consider me as a suitable partner(at least, alot more than do now!:P)

Emotions will intensify - cry more, happy more, feel more

Calmer, more patient, and move loving to my daughter - less irritable

More concerned with my appearance

Straight men will be more attracted to me, men in general will expect less from me - more impressed when I exceed their expectations

Feel more vulnerable (physically and emotionally)

Love myself

Look in the mirror and be happy that I have this body and that I'm me

Feel sexier, more attractive

I was with you through all this, especially the highlighted ones, but you kind of lost me after this part.  That women would admit me to their club was a surprise and a continuing delight.  My emotions used to be pretty stable but now are all over the map.  And, even being the same size and more or less the same strength, I feel more vulnerable.

I am far more open. 

After speaking few words in my lifetime I have become very chatty.  (Making up for lost time? ) 

I am far more relaxed and feel I have little to prove.  Therefore I finally feel that I can just be myself.  (And if you don't like it, so what?)

I sometimes tell people I never realized that one person could be this happy.

As in all things, reality turns out a bit different than our expectations, so stay flexible.  But I agree with most of your list.  (This from someone of great experience, having been RLE less than six months. )

- Kate

[FairyGirl]

That women would admit me to their club was a surprise and a continuing delight.

geez ain't it though? The first time my (female) roommate's girlfriend invited me and another female friend over to her bedroom for trying on clothes and we were all like stripping down and swapping tops and skirts while "the guys" sat around the living room talking sports I was like omg, I have arrived lol


 

[Deanna_Renee]

Calmer, more patient, and move loving to my daughter - less irritable

I'm not sure about this one, I think maybe this

Emotions will intensify - cry more, happy more, feel more

will have something to say about the less irritable part (maybe - depends on you and your daughter).

I have also heard that in addition to emotions intensifying, that also senses become more acute. Smell, touch, taste, sight (colors), hear and I believe intuition as well. I'll have to get back with you on these - when I ever get there myself.

Great list though.

Deanna

Post Merge: September 28, 2009, 12:33:35 AM

geez ain't it though? The first time my (female) roommate's girlfriend invited me and another female friend over to her bedroom for trying on clothes and we were all like stripping down and swapping tops and skirts while "the guys" sat around the living room talking sports I was like omg, I have arrived lol

OMG! That is so awesome, I can't wait till I make the club.

Deanna

[Steffi]

Hey...... today a female friend I made only quite recently got me to wax the parts of her legs that she finds awkward, like higher rear upper thigh 

( - since we've chatted previously and already established that she doesn't fancy lesbians and that what little I ever did have to offer as a guy is now utterly inert, there's no way it was any kind of come-on or anything.)

[Tank Grrl]

As in all things, reality turns out a bit different than our expectations, so stay flexible.

Totally agree with that K8! I also love your lil quote 'is this really happening?' That SO sums up how I feel about my transition now.

[xsocialworker]

I'm not good enough with computers to figure out how to answer each question point by point. Now that is "girlie" circa 1970!

[Naturally Blonde]

My expectations were much higher than the reality that after 10 years of HRT it did absolutely nothing! I wouldn't mind if I got even so much as a few minor effects but it really hasn't made any difference. I'm skinny and if I try and put on weight it goes on my belly and I have no bust and nothing going on in the hip department. I'm pretty depressed, especially after all this time of trying to transition. I'm now at a very low point now in my life.

[Virginia87106]

I think, on the whole, the list has many unrealistic expectations.   Sex and partnership, for example, might be alot more difficult than you think. 

I have seen many TGs have the surgery, thinking that their romantic opportunities would expand.  ALL of them were disappointed.

[Northern Jane]

I don't know how relevant my experience may be (if at all) because I never identified as "boy" and after puberty had considerable difficulty passing (as a boy). I knew what I wasn't (boy) but I didn't know what I was as girls went off in one direction and boys in another and I was just "freak".

After my liberation (age 24) I was just amazed how easy and natural life was as "all girl" - I didn't have to think about how I acted, how I spoke, or anything else - just being me and uninhibited - and nobody batted an eyelash.

Expectation: I didn't have any, I was clueless.
Reality: As comfy and easy as a well-worn slipper.

[xsocialworker]

I transitioned in my fifties and did most people I know in this community. Little is easy and natural for those who lived the bulk of their adult lives as men, soldiers, Marines, businessmen, career pilots, fathers, and sons. Coming out at 55 can be daunting. You have to unlearn a life of "learned" behaviors

[Naturally Blonde]

I transitioned in my fifties and did most people I know in this community. Little is easy and natural for those who lived the bulk of their adult lives as men, soldiers, Marines, businessmen, career pilots, fathers, and sons. Coming out at 55 can be daunting. You have to unlearn a life of "learned" behaviors

I never lived any of the the type of lifestyles you have listed above xsocialworker. I always lived a lifestyle to suit my personality and female persona which was as androgenous as I could get within the bounderies and being in a rock band was the easiest way to do it for me. I didn't have to 'unlearn' anything but that still didn't prepare me for the disappointments that lay ahead when I started transitioning full time at 39, although I had dabbled with hormones on and of since I was 24. Now 10 years later and 10 years into transition I wasn't prepared for the limitations of HRT and transition in general. I thought I was good material as I was always taken as female when I was younger and had a fairly feminine facial features.

But the reality is HRT hasn't done what I expected. I didn't grow breasts and only have a small amount of breast growth which someone could get if they were on the beer every night. I also haven't got the right fat distribution and if I try and put on weight it doesn't go on my hips. Surgical interventions are the only option but I don't have the cash or finances at the moment. Many do not face up to the realities and prefer to ignore it but I see what I see and most endo's agree with me on the limitations of HRT if you are over 12 years of age and past puberty.

[Cadence Jean]

Woah!  Looks like reality is across the board!  The positive reviews came first, with the naysayers arriving later in the thread.  "Kind of a build up your hopes and dash them upon the rocks of reality" thread.  Guess it serves to highlight the fact that everybody is unique and will react(mentally, physically, emotionally) in their own way.

Yes - I'm sorry I didn't number my points.  I guess I wasn't expecting a direct response to each of them, but that is awesome that I got some!  Chloe, Janet, and Becca's posts fill me with hope that there is a better way for me - something better than the drabness that envelops me.  It's like there should be more to this experience, and it's not there right now.

Some direct replies:

Chloe - I hadn't thought about men being upset if I exceeded their expectations.  I suppose it's because in some respects, I still expect men to regard women in the same way I do.  Which is obviously different from a purely male perspective - I like inpdepedant women, and feel great admiration and respect for them.

Janet - you crack me up, girl!

Alyssa - You're right.  I realized that after I compiled the list.  My original goal was to write down my expectations for how womanhood would feel internally, but it's difficult for me to separate the social aspects from my own internal feelings.  I base much of myself on my own assumptions of the expectations of others, so that's what I naturally gravitated toward while I was writing.  Transitioning for me is about the accurate expression of my soul and feeling at home in this body, rather than correcting a birth defect as other people have described it.

Kate - "I am far more relaxed and feel I have little to prove.  Therefore I finally feel that I can just be myself.  (And if you don't like it, so what?)"  That would be awesome.  I am so tired of competing.  I always feel like I need to prove myself, especially around men.  It's like I'm playing this game with them, trying to be a winner, but really I'm playing it against myself - they're not even cognizant that they are doing it.  I just want to be satisfied with being me, and not being the best or not "hiding every chink in my armor".

Naturally - sounds like your focus is on the physical effects of HRT.  I'm sorry that things haven't worked out the way that you had hoped.  It would be important to me to have something to work with to pass as a woman - hips, breasts.  But I'd be happy with enough differentiation between my waist and my hips to notice, and a B cup.  I think that is realistic.  I don't expect to have the body of a college girl, as wonderful as that would be!

Virginia - my relationship prospects are pretty low as things are.  Sure, I could find a girlfriend as a man, but that's not what I want.  By the end of my last relationship, things were becoming mechanical - I was filling a male role again.  I need to experience something more.  And I know that something more is out there.  And I know "she's" out there.  Maybe the "she" I've always looked for is me transitioned, but hopefully she's a woman who accepts me for who I am(or will be) beyond the flesh.  And if it takes me a while to find Ms. Right, then it will be worth it once we are together.

You girls are awesome.