I guess I'm a bit late getting to this thread but here it goes. I'm not full time yet so I don't run into a ton of insults but I have transitioned in some ways that when I am presenting as male, I still come off as androgynous. This is mainly due to the long feminine-styled hair and my hot pink nail polish. Before I begin my brief story, I will say that it is indeed NOT racist to mention someone's race in a story unless it is actually used in a slanderous manner. Anybody who has taken the trouble to pick up a BOOK for once in their life understands that clear descriptions are required to assist the reader in developing a quality mental picture of the story at hand. The less description leaves more to the imagination but every author has to include at least some detail to make it a worthwhile read. Some descriptions can be so detailed as to include even the smell in the room. I don't think that is necessary in an internet post but mentioning the person's race so that readers can visualize the scene is indeed relevant. Anyone who can't handle it I personally think should stop being so sensitive.
So here is my story: I'm entering a Fry's grocery store in a rough neighborhood in Phoenix, AZ (U.S.). I am presenting somewhat androgynous but clearly male (my birth gender). I am merely wearing a collar shirt and jeans that I had on at work that day but I also had a holstered and visible pistol on my belt which is legal and generally accepted in Arizona. Oh, by the way I'm white. My hair is long and feminine and I have pink glittery nail polish on my hands.
So I'm in line at the checkout when a Mexican man with his Mexican girlfriend get in line behind me. The man was poorly dressed wearing a tank-top shirt and had gang-style tattoos all over his arms, neck, and legs. The man immediately says real loud, "WTF" and of course I didn't turn around. He stood so close to me as if he was trying to get a closer look at the gun. I used standard retention techniques and changed my angle putting it clearly out of his reach. It must have been at this point he noticed the nail polish. The whole time in line he goes on and on saying "He's crazy...look at that...look at his hands...WTF" and loud enough that it was obvious. He came across as a macho-man prison type who didn't like the fact that I was armed but mostly disturbed by the feminine appearance. I then later heard the words "->-bleeped-<-got" mumbled around. While the guy never directly insulted me, it was disturbing because he kept staring in a threatening manner almost like he wanted to start something. Some of these characters aren't always deterred by a gun either especially if they are on drugs.
What this told me is that if I had had the gun concealed he would have still flipped out over the nail polish but would have probably directly confronted me or actually made threats but the gun kept him enough at bay to keep it between him and his girlfriend. If I had the gun only but no nail polish, he probably would have been the "tough guy" and asked me what caliber, etc. because he would have seen me more as a man.
People can debate all they want how I (or anyone) should dress, etc. in a public place including what they carry, if they carry, and how they carry depending on their state's laws. I simply value my freedom too much to tolerate people who do not belong in my business. People may not like who I am and they may not like the fact that I can defend myself. That is their problem. I do not apologize for either but I will avoid confrontations as much as possible (i.e. I could have asked him what his problem was but didn't) but at the same time will confront people when required.
What I find most sad about all of the experiences here including the OP's (Shelina), is that these are classic cases of people's failure to mind their own business. Anybody who is up in someone's business where they don't belong is someone who is worthy of contempt. Normal people live busy meaningful lives and simply don't have time for other people who aren't in their lives. Normal people couldn't care less about some stranger on a bus, in a store, or walking down a street unless they are blocking your way. People who would hail insults at people they don't even know are nothing but trash. Worse, those who would make threats or even commit violence are outright criminal.
My advice for others here is to avoid confrontations when possible because you don't know who you are dealing with. Examples are ignoring stares, tuning out comments that you overhear, and not overreacting to a direct insult. Sometimes, however, confrontations are required. If a person is up in your face, screaming at you, or doing anything that is so obnoxious that you absolutely have to deal with them, do so as cautiously as possible and be legal about it. If a person is idiotic enough to insult you they are likely to be crazy enough to back it up with violence. This is why I carry a variety of weapons where allowed by law. This is up to the individual to decide but remember your life is worth everything to you. If someone goes outright bananas you have a right to defend yourself but I wouldn't go overboard and know what the laws are. My state is really strong about these things. Had the idiot have lunged for the gun to the point of violently fighting for it, I would have simply blown his brains out. Had he have gotten it away from me, I had a backup knife and needless to say there would have been a lot of mopping required in store isle #9.
There is a lot of trash in this world. Try to stay away from it but understand that you are who you are and you have no one to explain it to or apologize over it and nobody has the right to take it away from you. PERIOD.
