Confusion... [Long post]

[HumanBeing]

Hey guys.
Finally found the courage to make an account on this site, I am new to this but just wanted support/advice I guess?
*This will probably be long but I'll make it as short as I can. I don't know any transgender people so bare with me I will put questions in bold so you don't have to read it all if you don't have to*

Edit: I'm from the UK

I did actually attempt to come out as transgender (FTM) at 14, had a letter prepared and everything actually but my mother found my web history/bookmarks on a transgender website I had set up on my laptop [using a male name] and I came home from school to lots of shouting/arm waving etc. She was shouting 'so you want to be a boy do you?' and 'why me, why does this have to happen to me?' ...so naturally I never did give her the letter due to that reaction. She actually spent a good while crying too and this made me feel so guilty. I do have other family but if I saw them in the street I probably wouldn't recognise them and vice versa so we were really close.

At 16 I came out to her as lesbian because for all my life I have always loved women, I thought this is who I was etc but even that label wasn't right to me.

Time passed...feeling even more uncomfortable with my body. I've always had quite masculine energy and face anyway so 80% of the time I'd be referred to as sir, young man etc. I've been watching youtube videos and looking up articles for the past 6+ years and identify with being a Transman. I used to buy myself male clothes and wear it in the house when my mum wasn't around then got older - didn't care and wore lots of tracksuits etc to hide my figure.

I have a mixture of male and female friends but I hate being grouped with the 'females' because it doesn't feel right. I felt the same way at school when in sports class they split the groups up by gender. Going to changing rooms was an issue for me too. We had compulsory swimming at school and I hated it. Love swimming....just not the outfits and segregation...I want to swim again but I can't ...not looking like this, anyway.

For the moment I feel uncomfortable:
-My body doesn't feel right and never has.
-Being referred to with female pronouns
-Being treated/viewed as a female
-Restrooms ...don't even start me off on this one..I drink very small amounts throughout the day at college now because I don't want to use the restroom...I only use it in emergency situations [once a month]. I feel so wrong and embarrassed using them - as if I'm some sort of weirdo..you know? As far as I'm concerned I don't belong in there.

I work in retail too which makes me being seen as female even worse. The uniform is pretty much unisex but my name badge displays my name and unfortunately for me it is very female name - you couldn't even question the gender of someone with my name.

-Customers come in and say to their kids 'give this to the lady'...I hate that. Then some of the kids will be like 'Mum...that's a man [That's great] except my name tag conflicts that and everything gets all awkward.
-When guys come in I start to feel jealous etc especially when they bring a girlfriend with them or have male products in the basket.
-Worst is when people call me 'love' or 'darling' or 'sweetheart' etc.

The issue is now, at 20, nearly 21 I feel that I should just go and seek guidance from a GP or whatever...I'm moving out and starting University in September so it will be interesting and a challenge. In the past I was way too embarrassed/nervous/anxious to do it. In a way I really want to go to the local university but then I feel if I move area at least no one would know me etc? Also I need a transfer from work because where I am everyone talks about everyone's business..even just little things plus it's a tiny store and I'm familiar with all the locals etc now. I know this is a possibility elsewhere but that's not the point. I was initially a little excited about uni after finally figuring out what I want to do...but my feelings have literally swamped my mind and I am no longer interested/excited about anything else...just feel so sad..I don't leave the house unless I have to and I find myself wanting to reach out to my mum but at the same time I won't ..so I lock myself in my room most days unable to talk to her too much and getting angry every time she speaks to me..even if it's just to ask if I'm okay 

I'm almost living three lives right now...one at home with my mother (don't express myself as much as I want - my mum just thinks I'm a butch lesbian)....one when I'm out and about (I deepen my voice to talk to people) ....then one at work where I have to talk to customers etc and it's obvious I'm 'female'... almost like the 'telephone voice' people have...kind of girly and not quite right.

Questions:

-Is it a case of seeing a GP who will then refer me to a gender specialist/clinic? Or something?
-How does the process go? (roughly) I know it's different for others etc.
-Can I go to just any old GP? Or would I have to seek one out?
-For those FTM or even MTF how long did your transition take?
-Did your body disphoria change over time?
-When did you come out to friends/family? What were their reactions like?
-Specifically, what were your parent(s) views on it? Immediate reaction and/or reaction during and after transition?

SORRY IT IS SO LONG!

[Jessica Merriman]

If you are in the U.S. just start with a Therapist who has gender experience. I found mine at Oklahoma State University and it is only $10.00 a session. Next they gave me a letter for HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) as most (not all) Endocrinologist's in my area require one. This just let's them know you have been properly screened and diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria and you are familiar with the HRT process. From that point it is just when you want to do any surgeries like top or bottom surgery and that is up to you. I am under the opinion that if you have the money everything related to transition could be complete in a year or two. Don't quote me on that though.

Read the WPATH Standards of Care found here at Susan's to really understand the process. In the States you do have to live for one year as your preferred sex before SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery) this is not optional. You will also need two letters of recommendation from mental health professionals before being scheduled for SRS.

My Dysphoria disappeared about a week into HRT. Family and friends were shocked and some lost touch, but over time many have come back and accepted my decision. You will lose a lot, but gain so much more by becoming who you need to be. I have been full time since January 1st and have had no problems in public. Confidence in who you are I think plays a bigger part than how you look. Hope some of this helps you.

[Ryan55]

ok i'm going to try and answer each question.

Is it a case of seeing a GP who will then refer me to a gender specialist/clinic? Or something?

In the states, you can just go to a gender therapist or therapist that will help you through the transition. Depending on where you live, my gender therapist, first time meeting her, said whenever I am ready she can refer me to a doctor to start T. She just writes a letter saying that I'm sane and this is what I want. I found mine on pyschologytoday.com, basically I just looked up gender therapist in my area. Most therapist accept insurance, so if you have it, just will be w/e your copay is for a normal doctor visit. Mine is $30.

-How does the process go? (roughly) I know it's different for others etc.

Basically where I'm from, I go to the gender therapist, she makes sure i'm sane and this is what I want and my gameplan. Helps with the coming out process and getting more involved with the lbgt community. From there I get referred to a doctor to start T and then after that its a matter if I want surgeries like top or bottom. When I went to my therapist, I already wore guy clothes and my hair was cut short and I had a plan on how I wanted the process to go.

-Can I go to just any old GP? Or would I have to seek one out?

I would go to a gender therapist first and let them refer you.

-For those FTM or even MTF how long did your transition take?

I didn't start T yet, so can't really answer this, but from what I heard, it can take 2 to 2.5 years for full effect of T. Plus it depends what full transition to you means. Does it mean Hormone therapy and surgeries etc.

-Did your body disphoria change over time?

I still have it, cause I still look feminine to me (once I start T, hoping to feel better), mostly cause I have hips, but once I cut my hair and wore guy clothes my disphoria lessened a bit, I felt so much better when I got my first guy haircut lol

-When did you come out to friends/family? What were their reactions like?

I went to Michigan to see my gf and she always treated me like a guy, but I knew when I came home I couldn't keep living in "girl mode". So I came home and made an appointment to see a gender therapist first, after my first session, I came home and told my mom and showed her some youtube videos I found that might help explain it better than I could. My mom like yours thinks I am a butch lesbian, but I am trying to show her the difference between gender and sexual orientation. My gender therapist is actually helping with this. My moms reaction was somewhat like yours, crying and saying I'm crazy, but eventually she got over it in a sense and is trying to understand. She is against hormones, but I am trying to convince her it isn't as dangerous as she thinks. My friends were very supportive, I told them in person, saying I wanted to talk to them about something and one by one I had lunch or dinner with them, explaining the situation (one was at the gym lol). I only told my close friends and they were supportive and got it. Might be the age thing since were all around 22.

-Specifically, what were your parent(s) views on it? Immediate reaction and/or reaction during and after transition?

My mom thinks i'm crazy and is against the hormones. She can't understand why I can't just be a butch lesbian but want to turn into a guy. She has her days were she is supportive and then not so supportive the next. She didn't disown me though and she watches videos and is willing to talk to my gender therapist about it, so that's a plus.

I hope I helped in someway.

[AdamMLP]

Firstly welcome, it's good to see another UK guy on here.  I'll have a stab at answering your questions, although I'm currently still in the referral process.

-Is it a case of seeing a GP who will then refer me to a gender specialist/clinic? Or something?

Yup, just see your GP.  I'd just changed practices (I moved) when I went, so had never been there before, but just went in and said, "I'm trans and was wondering what you could do for me."  They'll refer you to a Gender Identity Clinic, there's several of these across the country.  You might need to push a little, as it's only in the past year that they've removed the step where you have to see your local mental health team first, but they can just refer you straight to a GIC.

-How does the process go? (roughly) I know it's different for others etc.

I'm assuming that you're referring to doctors and the like.

• See your GP and request a referral to a GIC.  It's probably best to do your homework beforehand, and have the address/telephone number of the GIC you'd like to go to in case they don't have it already.  It just speeds things up a little if they're busy.
• Wait a week or two and check that the referrals been done.  Might seem a little over the top, but the NHS really does need a nudge sometimes to get moving, and it's better to be safe than sorry.
• You should hear from your GIC within a month of them getting the referral, even if it's just a letter saying they've received it, but there's a wait.  This is the stage I'm at now.  Some places with shorter waits might just send you the appointment letter straight off, it depends on how busy they are.  In most places you're probably looking at a 3-4 month wait, for Charing Cross a lot longer as they used up their funding allocation for this financial year by December.  If I were you I'd avoid going there at the moment due to the ridiculous backlog they'll not be able to start processing until April.
• For anything further than this, this document probably does a better job of explaining it than me: http://issuu.com/bethseymour/docs/nhs_england_interim_gender_protocol/1  There's a nice flow chart on page 5 that goes through it.

-Can I go to just any old GP? Or would I have to seek one out?

Any GP.  If they're not confident in what they're doing then a lot of GICs (I know The Laurels are happy to at least) will talk to them about the process of doing a referral.  Even if they think they know what they're doing but you're not 100% sure get them to phone up anyway.  It might sound a bit pessimistic, but the truth is that this isn't something they often deal with and it's best to be prepared.  Don't get put off though, you will get there.

-For those FTM or even MTF how long did your transition take?

I can't really comment as it differs for everyone.  In my current way of thinking I'll probably think of myself as "done with it" when I'm post top surgery, which I'd estimate to be late summer next year.  Possibly, depending on how I feel when I'm further on in my transition, it might not be until after bottom surgery, which will be a while longer, but I really don't know.

-Did your body dysphoria change over time?

It can fluctuate daily for me.  At the moment I'm going through a really rough stage, but others I can feel fine(-ish) for weeks on end.  It has changed since two years ago now though, I focus more on things that can never be changed such as my height.  I know that the chest will be gone, the monthly issue will stop, and I'll begin to grow a beard one day.  It's the things that I've got to learn to live with that cause me the most dysphoria.  And my name.  I never used to be that bothered by it, I'd just sort of dissociate, but now it's like slicing skin off of my body every time someone uses it.  Or even the shortening that my friend's started getting people to use for me, "Zee".

-When did you come out to friends/family? What were their reactions like?

I haven't really come out to that many people, so I'm not the best to answer this, or the next question.  I didn't come out to my girlfriend of just under a year at the time, she found out through twitter as I'd accidentally favourited one of her tweets from my "male" account.  She was hurt to start with, but after seeing me and realising that I was exactly the same person that I was before, and that she hadn't accidentally hurt me before she knew how I felt about my body everything was fine.  I think it actually brought us closer together.  It was hard for her to get her head around the reason why I had hid it from her for so long, but after explaining she realised how hard it would have been, although possibly she still doesn't realise how scared I was of losing her because she can't understand why I felt like that.

My friend actually sort of guessed.  I thought she would be okay with it after hearing her defend a trans woman at my work, and was planning on telling her anyway, but couldn't get the words out after I was in a bit of a state with dysphoria.  I made some vague statement about never being able to be completely okay (dysphoria talking more than anything), and she eventually came out and said that she knew what was up with me.  She's been so brilliant to me, more supportive than I could have ever imagined.  I owe her a lot.

-Specifically, what were your parent(s) views on it? Immediate reaction and/or reaction during and after transition?

I came out to them once a couple of years ago, but my family isn't the best of communication and it just sort of got pushed away when I managed to slip out of seeing the shrink I was seeing for separate issues.  My mother didn't understand why I couldn't just be a "tomboy" like her, and my father just said "Well, there's more surprising things you could have said."  Their main issue, I think, was for my safety.  I need to come out to them again soon.


If there's anything else you want to ask, feel free to.  I hope I've been of some help.

[HumanBeing]

If you are in the U.S. just start with a Therapist who has gender experience. I found mine at Oklahoma State University and it is only $10.00 a session. Next they gave me a letter for HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) as most (not all) Endocrinologist's in my area require one. This just let's them know you have been properly screened and diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria and you are familiar with the HRT process. From that point it is just when you want to do any surgeries like top or bottom surgery and that is up to you. I am under the opinion that if you have the money everything related to transition could be complete in a year or two. Don't quote me on that though.

Read the WPATH Standards of Care found here at Susan's to really understand the process. In the States you do have to live for one year as your preferred sex before SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery) this is not optional. You will also need two letters of recommendation from mental health professionals before being scheduled for SRS.

My Dysphoria disappeared about a week into HRT. Family and friends were shocked and some lost touch, but over time many have come back and accepted my decision. You will lose a lot, but gain so much more by becoming who you need to be. I have been full time since January 1st and have had no problems in public. Confidence in who you are I think plays a bigger part than how you look. Hope some of this helps you.

Thank you so much for your reply! I really appreciate it, yes that was helpful!

[HumanBeing]

ok i'm going to try and answer each question.

Is it a case of seeing a GP who will then refer me to a gender specialist/clinic? Or something?

In the states, you can just go to a gender therapist or therapist that will help you through the transition. Depending on where you live, my gender therapist, first time meeting her, said whenever I am ready she can refer me to a doctor to start T. She just writes a letter saying that I'm sane and this is what I want. I found mine on pyschologytoday.com, basically I just looked up gender therapist in my area. Most therapist accept insurance, so if you have it, just will be w/e your copay is for a normal doctor visit. Mine is $30.

-How does the process go? (roughly) I know it's different for others etc.

Basically where I'm from, I go to the gender therapist, she makes sure i'm sane and this is what I want and my gameplan. Helps with the coming out process and getting more involved with the lbgt community. From there I get referred to a doctor to start T and then after that its a matter if I want surgeries like top or bottom. When I went to my therapist, I already wore guy clothes and my hair was cut short and I had a plan on how I wanted the process to go.

-Can I go to just any old GP? Or would I have to seek one out?

I would go to a gender therapist first and let them refer you.

-For those FTM or even MTF how long did your transition take?

I didn't start T yet, so can't really answer this, but from what I heard, it can take 2 to 2.5 years for full effect of T. Plus it depends what full transition to you means. Does it mean Hormone therapy and surgeries etc.

-Did your body disphoria change over time?

I still have it, cause I still look feminine to me (once I start T, hoping to feel better), mostly cause I have hips, but once I cut my hair and wore guy clothes my disphoria lessened a bit, I felt so much better when I got my first guy haircut lol

-When did you come out to friends/family? What were their reactions like?

I went to Michigan to see my gf and she always treated me like a guy, but I knew when I came home I couldn't keep living in "girl mode". So I came home and made an appointment to see a gender therapist first, after my first session, I came home and told my mom and showed her some youtube videos I found that might help explain it better than I could. My mom like yours thinks I am a butch lesbian, but I am trying to show her the difference between gender and sexual orientation. My gender therapist is actually helping with this. My moms reaction was somewhat like yours, crying and saying I'm crazy, but eventually she got over it in a sense and is trying to understand. She is against hormones, but I am trying to convince her it isn't as dangerous as she thinks. My friends were very supportive, I told them in person, saying I wanted to talk to them about something and one by one I had lunch or dinner with them, explaining the situation (one was at the gym lol). I only told my close friends and they were supportive and got it. Might be the age thing since were all around 22.

-Specifically, what were your parent(s) views on it? Immediate reaction and/or reaction during and after transition?

My mom thinks i'm crazy and is against the hormones. She can't understand why I can't just be a butch lesbian but want to turn into a guy. She has her days were she is supportive and then not so supportive the next. She didn't disown me though and she watches videos and is willing to talk to my gender therapist about it, so that's a plus.

I hope I helped in someway.

Thanks man, yeah that helped! That whole Mum thing, I know that's exactly how mine will react! I'm not sure she'll be cool with it. Like, if I came out to her now I know she wouldn't abandon me or anything but she would be angry/sad/confused and all of that. I'll wait until I leave home to tell her. I think she'll probably see it as 'extreme' because to her I'll be changing which is true. It is quite a major thing but I'm in the process of writing her a letter which will explain everything so one day she may understand/accept.

Thanks again

[HumanBeing]

Firstly welcome, it's good to see another UK guy on here.  I'll have a stab at answering your questions, although I'm currently still in the referral process.

-Is it a case of seeing a GP who will then refer me to a gender specialist/clinic? Or something?

Yup, just see your GP.  I'd just changed practices (I moved) when I went, so had never been there before, but just went in and said, "I'm trans and was wondering what you could do for me."  They'll refer you to a Gender Identity Clinic, there's several of these across the country.  You might need to push a little, as it's only in the past year that they've removed the step where you have to see your local mental health team first, but they can just refer you straight to a GIC.

-How does the process go? (roughly) I know it's different for others etc.

I'm assuming that you're referring to doctors and the like.

• See your GP and request a referral to a GIC.  It's probably best to do your homework beforehand, and have the address/telephone number of the GIC you'd like to go to in case they don't have it already.  It just speeds things up a little if they're busy.
• Wait a week or two and check that the referrals been done.  Might seem a little over the top, but the NHS really does need a nudge sometimes to get moving, and it's better to be safe than sorry.
• You should hear from your GIC within a month of them getting the referral, even if it's just a letter saying they've received it, but there's a wait.  This is the stage I'm at now.  Some places with shorter waits might just send you the appointment letter straight off, it depends on how busy they are.  In most places you're probably looking at a 3-4 month wait, for Charing Cross a lot longer as they used up their funding allocation for this financial year by December.  If I were you I'd avoid going there at the moment due to the ridiculous backlog they'll not be able to start processing until April.
• For anything further than this, this document probably does a better job of explaining it than me: http://issuu.com/bethseymour/docs/nhs_england_interim_gender_protocol/1  There's a nice flow chart on page 5 that goes through it.

-Can I go to just any old GP? Or would I have to seek one out?

Any GP.  If they're not confident in what they're doing then a lot of GICs (I know The Laurels are happy to at least) will talk to them about the process of doing a referral.  Even if they think they know what they're doing but you're not 100% sure get them to phone up anyway.  It might sound a bit pessimistic, but the truth is that this isn't something they often deal with and it's best to be prepared.  Don't get put off though, you will get there.

-For those FTM or even MTF how long did your transition take?

I can't really comment as it differs for everyone.  In my current way of thinking I'll probably think of myself as "done with it" when I'm post top surgery, which I'd estimate to be late summer next year.  Possibly, depending on how I feel when I'm further on in my transition, it might not be until after bottom surgery, which will be a while longer, but I really don't know.

-Did your body dysphoria change over time?

It can fluctuate daily for me.  At the moment I'm going through a really rough stage, but others I can feel fine(-ish) for weeks on end.  It has changed since two years ago now though, I focus more on things that can never be changed such as my height.  I know that the chest will be gone, the monthly issue will stop, and I'll begin to grow a beard one day.  It's the things that I've got to learn to live with that cause me the most dysphoria.  And my name.  I never used to be that bothered by it, I'd just sort of dissociate, but now it's like slicing skin off of my body every time someone uses it.  Or even the shortening that my friend's started getting people to use for me, "Zee".

-When did you come out to friends/family? What were their reactions like?

I haven't really come out to that many people, so I'm not the best to answer this, or the next question.  I didn't come out to my girlfriend of just under a year at the time, she found out through twitter as I'd accidentally favourited one of her tweets from my "male" account.  She was hurt to start with, but after seeing me and realising that I was exactly the same person that I was before, and that she hadn't accidentally hurt me before she knew how I felt about my body everything was fine.  I think it actually brought us closer together.  It was hard for her to get her head around the reason why I had hid it from her for so long, but after explaining she realised how hard it would have been, although possibly she still doesn't realise how scared I was of losing her because she can't understand why I felt like that.

My friend actually sort of guessed.  I thought she would be okay with it after hearing her defend a trans woman at my work, and was planning on telling her anyway, but couldn't get the words out after I was in a bit of a state with dysphoria.  I made some vague statement about never being able to be completely okay (dysphoria talking more than anything), and she eventually came out and said that she knew what was up with me.  She's been so brilliant to me, more supportive than I could have ever imagined.  I owe her a lot.

-Specifically, what were your parent(s) views on it? Immediate reaction and/or reaction during and after transition?

I came out to them once a couple of years ago, but my family isn't the best of communication and it just sort of got pushed away when I managed to slip out of seeing the shrink I was seeing for separate issues.  My mother didn't understand why I couldn't just be a "tomboy" like her, and my father just said "Well, there's more surprising things you could have said."  Their main issue, I think, was for my safety.  I need to come out to them again soon.


If there's anything else you want to ask, feel free to.  I hope I've been of some help.

You're a legend! Thank you for such a detailed reply and especially coming from the UK too that's amazing. Hopefully we can keep in touch? I'm going to sort it all out when I move for university...coming out to work [when I get a transfer] will be interesting! I don't want to wait until September because I'm impatient like that but it's best I do it then because right now ...people know me out here etc I'm not embarrassed about it but I'd rather not have to deal with them.

Just had a little look at that document, very helpful have saved the link and everything. Yeah, the name thing is genuinely grating on my nerves right about now. I think fortunately most people view me as young man [by my face etc] and I love that..it's mainly work actually that bugs me. I literally get anxiety going into work, the job isn't awful it's how people perceive me that is!

It's nice to have a support network! I'm going to come out to some of my mates in a few months. I know it's a lot to get your head around etc and I'm not sure how they'll react but I'll soon find out I guess?!

For me, my mum was so excited when I came out as 'lesbian' because she thought the whole transgender thing was a phase...She is definitely not homophobic in any way and keeps reminding me..but it'll take her a minute to get her head around this..I'm just bracing myself for worst case scenario..having everyone reject me. So I'm prepared for the worst - that's how I deal with every situation in life so I'm never disappointed.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

It can be a long and tiresome process but its worth it...

it took me one year after coming out to get hormones...that varies a lot
my friends and family are completely supporting

Ιt seems to me that you really want this , so go ahead its worth it.

[GnomeKid]

I know nothing about UK health info, so I'ma skip those questions

-For those FTM or even MTF how long did your transition take?

I don't consider mine 100% done yet, but there are certainly breaks between stages.  I'm currently seen 100% as male by everyone.  Name/gender marker change, top surgery, and hormones.  I guess that could be considered transitioned, but withmore work left to be done.  All in all by the time I'm done it'll be maybe a 5-8 year process depending when I work out all the details of scheduling bottom surgery, and when you consider the start of the transition to be.

-Did your body disphoria change over time?

At first it was the boobs and the voice... after those got sorted the bottom issue really started sticking out to me (or not sticking out enough... as the case may be).  So I guess the focus has changed...

-When did you come out to friends/family? What were their reactions like?

I came out to my girlfriend first.  She helped me sort through my brain and get binders ect.. about a year after that I came out to my parents.  They pretty much knew.  My dad used to be a psychiatrist and when I was little (like... 7 or 8 ) I basically was sent to gender therapy (not to "fix" me... more to figure me out).  My mom loves pretty much unconditionally (as long as we are "good people" whatever that means...).  She does not consider something like being trans, or gay, or anything like that to deem one as a bad person. 

-Specifically, what were your parent(s) views on it? Immediate reaction and/or reaction during and after transition?

Loving, supportive, and intent upon helping me figure the whole thing out. 

[AdamMLP]

You're a legend! Thank you for such a detailed reply and especially coming from the UK too that's amazing. Hopefully we can keep in touch? I'm going to sort it all out when I move for university...coming out to work [when I get a transfer] will be interesting! I don't want to wait until September because I'm impatient like that but it's best I do it then because right now ...people know me out here etc I'm not embarrassed about it but I'd rather not have to deal with them.

Just had a little look at that document, very helpful have saved the link and everything. Yeah, the name thing is genuinely grating on my nerves right about now. I think fortunately most people view me as young man [by my face etc] and I love that..it's mainly work actually that bugs me. I literally get anxiety going into work, the job isn't awful it's how people perceive me that is!

It's nice to have a support network! I'm going to come out to some of my mates in a few months. I know it's a lot to get your head around etc and I'm not sure how they'll react but I'll soon find out I guess?!

For me, my mum was so excited when I came out as 'lesbian' because she thought the whole transgender thing was a phase...She is definitely not homophobic in any way and keeps reminding me..but it'll take her a minute to get her head around this..I'm just bracing myself for worst case scenario..having everyone reject me. So I'm prepared for the worst - that's how I deal with every situation in life so I'm never disappointed.

No problem, I'm not so good at all the social malarkey, but I can give advice as much as I can, especially as things are a little different over here with the NHS (and socially as well I suppose).

Are you planning to go to your GP now?  If you aren't, I'd advice possibly thinking about that again, because it's a long old process.  Someone on here once described the NHS as an old elephant, it takes a while to get moving, but it gets there eventually.  It'll be at least three or four months before you're seen at a GIC, so even if you're not completely ready for it now it's probably a good idea to get things moving.

I was in a similar situation last year, I didn't want to bother coming out when I wouldn't be seeing anyone I knew from college again, but I ended up getting an apprenticeship at the last minute and simply didn't have time to sort anything out as it would have taken a bit of logistical skill to arrange things as we live in shared rooms here.

I think that she might take it better this time than before, but I don't know that much about your mother so I can't comment too much.  It's likely that she might take it better as she knows that you've tried otherwise, but being trans still stays with you.  It's more of a change for her as she'll have to get her head around her daughter having always been her son, but just never knowing it.

[HumanBeing]

It can be a long and tiresome process but its worth it...

it took me one year after coming out to get hormones...that varies a lot
my friends and family are completely supporting

Ιt seems to me that you really want this , so go ahead its worth it.

Thank you for your reply I guess a year can seem long but in the grand scheme of things [your life] it's quite a short-ish time.
I love hearing stories about people's family's being supportive I hope it will be the same for me....only time will tell!

[HumanBeing]

I know nothing about UK health info, so I'ma skip those questions

-For those FTM or even MTF how long did your transition take?

I don't consider mine 100% done yet, but there are certainly breaks between stages.  I'm currently seen 100% as male by everyone.  Name/gender marker change, top surgery, and hormones.  I guess that could be considered transitioned, but withmore work left to be done.  All in all by the time I'm done it'll be maybe a 5-8 year process depending when I work out all the details of scheduling bottom surgery, and when you consider the start of the transition to be.

-Did your body disphoria change over time?

At first it was the boobs and the voice... after those got sorted the bottom issue really started sticking out to me (or not sticking out enough... as the case may be).  So I guess the focus has changed...

-When did you come out to friends/family? What were their reactions like?

I came out to my girlfriend first.  She helped me sort through my brain and get binders ect.. about a year after that I came out to my parents.  They pretty much knew.  My dad used to be a psychiatrist and when I was little (like... 7 or 8 ) I basically was sent to gender therapy (not to "fix" me... more to figure me out).  My mom loves pretty much unconditionally (as long as we are "good people" whatever that means...).  She does not consider something like being trans, or gay, or anything like that to deem one as a bad person. 

-Specifically, what were your parent(s) views on it? Immediate reaction and/or reaction during and after transition?

Loving, supportive, and intent upon helping me figure the whole thing out.

Thanks for your reply Love that your parents were supportive! I hear you about the whole dysphoria thing - my chest and voice is literally the main thing for me. It's good she stuck by you, some fear the unknown. But I guess she knew your personality etc and that part of you will stay the same

[HumanBeing]

No problem, I'm not so good at all the social malarkey, but I can give advice as much as I can, especially as things are a little different over here with the NHS (and socially as well I suppose).

Are you planning to go to your GP now?  If you aren't, I'd advice possibly thinking about that again, because it's a long old process.  Someone on here once described the NHS as an old elephant, it takes a while to get moving, but it gets there eventually.  It'll be at least three or four months before you're seen at a GIC, so even if you're not completely ready for it now it's probably a good idea to get things moving.

I was in a similar situation last year, I didn't want to bother coming out when I wouldn't be seeing anyone I knew from college again, but I ended up getting an apprenticeship at the last minute and simply didn't have time to sort anything out as it would have taken a bit of logistical skill to arrange things as we live in shared rooms here.

I think that she might take it better this time than before, but I don't know that much about your mother so I can't comment too much.  It's likely that she might take it better as she knows that you've tried otherwise, but being trans still stays with you.  It's more of a change for her as she'll have to get her head around her daughter having always been her son, but just never knowing it.

Sure thing, thanks a lot

I see what you're saying.. I'm going to uni in September so not entirely sure whether I'll be moving or not so I was going to wait. I don't want to but in my situation it's best. Even if they do take a little while. Sometimes I feel like just dealing with it after uni to be honest...but then I think, I don't want to wait that long! It's the whole effort of changing my name etc on certificates and things that I'm also thinking about.

Yeah...that's what I was hoping. She's open minded anyway. Also when she sees transgender people on tv etc she isn't bothered at all and feels indifferent..but I guess it's a different feeling when it's your own child especially as we communicate on a daily basis etc.

I feel strongly about this and can't wait to see a GP..I only leave my house when I have to or I go out in the dark so no one sees me haha, that's how bad it is. I don't even have anxiety or anything just really uncomfortable. I don't care what others think etc but at the same time I don't want to put myself in a vulnerable position where I am subjected to abuse physical or verbal etc so at uni I'll have to be selective about who knows and probably keep myself to myself kind of thing. My degree is meant to take me abroad for a couple years too so it may even just conflict with everything..I'll work something out eventually I guess.

Going to work and doing it [post uni] would be too long, probably would end up majorly depressed by then so I need to get the ball rolling this year. In a way I look forward to telling my friends but at the same time don't want to lose them..but if I do it's either because they weren't my friends to begin with or are scared/angry/confused etc so I'll see....