Just gone.

[Sarah_Faith]

So this may seem like a silly question and one that many people will say yes to, but I ask you to really think about it. Is it normal for someone in a position such as the people who post on this site to feel like 'that's it, I've just completly lost the plot'. I'm not talking about depression of feeling anyway specifically, just kind of an all giving up losing-of-the-plot feeling? I suffer from depression and anxiety from time to time and that's ok! What I have now is a complete surrendering to what I'm feeling. It's like when I go out on my motorbike, it's just feels amazing cos I'm not really worrying at all. I'm thinking 'what the hell' about most thing. Now don't get me wrong, I'm in no way feeling like self harming or anything like that, in fact I'm very eager to talk to everyone and socialise, but I do indeed feel like the last piece of straw has finally been taken out of the oversized barrel and I've finally lost it.

Strange sensation.It's not depression. It's not anxiety. It is a slight feeling of surrendering. How do people feel about this feeling or have they felt it???

[wannalivethetruth]

  If your talking about surrending your feelings of going thrue transitions to be a woman...then yes... and im sure most of us have.

BUT... for me it's like, i get slightly moods where it's like "Well... i have to go threw all this just to be happy... maybe being happy isn't worth it" But at the end of the day.... i know u want to be happy and i know i cant live for NOBODY but myself...BECAUSE IM THE ONE... that has to lay down at night, look in the mirror, and feel these feelings i have inside.. no one else... 

[Sarah_Faith]

You do indeed speak some sense RoseBlossom. I agree with everyhting you say. Before now I put too much weight on other people and how I am going to go about things, but now I feel I am the one who lives as me, thus I should live as I want to live. But, the whole losing it is a tiny bit different. Maybe I should have elaborated...

Ive always been that person that has bee a bit mad, got along with everyone, open views on everything, had perhaps above average bouts of mental ilness, but I'm sure that's true of anyone who has had to endure a life time of denial. What I'm feeling now is perhaps a release, but most likely not. I'm not on hormones. I'm not on drugs, though may drink too much but I'm Irish so I'm allowed I specifically just feel not with it / not me. Yes I have finally surrendered to what I want to do. It's been scaring me long enough. But there's this feeling. Maybe no one here will be able to tell me they have felt the same thing, but that's also ok. I just wanna let everyone know what is going on with me.

It really is great to be back at Susan's

[K8]

Once I started to transition I never doubted that I should do it.  Still, there have been a few times when I've just said: This is crazy!  I know it is something I have to do and that it is something that is completely right for me, but it is a bit odd, no?

Or, you may be talking about dissociating from yourself.  Sometimes, I would feel almost out-of-body.  I was still there, but I seemed able to shut off all inputs, or select which ones to receive.  It was like I was an observer behind a screen, watching things go on around me.  I haven't felt like that in years, though.  I always thought it might be a defense mechanisim to help me get through the difficult years - you know, from about 12 to 35 or so.

- Kate