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Finally confronted at work... by a drag queen.

Started by Autumn, October 12, 2009, 05:33:55 AM

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Autumn

"I'll be damned. I'll be good an god damned." - Ben Willow

So I'm not exactly hiding much at work. I've been wearing blouses for over two years now, and as I've mentioned in countless 'my life' threads, transition has been a gradual learning experience for me, long before the thought of actual transition or hormones. Hell, my boss even suggested I order from the womens' catalog for our new dress code standards. We just don't talk about me, either from courtesy or ignorance (and there's a lot of ignorance in our minimum wage divisions.)

We hire new people all the time, certain positions have high turnover. I kinda don't bother paying attention to people in them until they've been around a while. I've briefly passed by this one middle aged guy a few times on my way about doing things, but today he happened through my division while I was checking something.

He opened with "Name, right?" and I immediately knew something was up/off. Especially since I don't wear my name badge so he must have asked somebody. A voice in the back of my head also told me that there was a ping on the gaydar.

We briefly talked about the job he was hired on for and the company here and how things go, since his department sells a major collection that I used to sell. Shortly into it, he asked me if I was wearing a blouse or a shirt. Being that I always wear 3/4th sleeves, it's pretty obvious.

I think I would have absolutely died a year and a half ago. I answered that it was a blouse and that the cut fits my shoulders better than mens' cuts. He told me that he and his boyfriend are drag queens. I told him that I haven't had any issues regarding dress code and the company has a pretty solid non-discrimination policy. He mentioned that he'd considered coming dressed for halloween. I said that's probably a really bad idea. He said they'd told him they'd send him home, but when he used to work the call center he did it full time dressed. I pointed out that face to face customer service is a whole nother matter :p

I was *REALLY HAPPY* that it was somehow just the two of us, because were literally in the middle of the highest traffic flow area yet none of my 6 coworkers or any customers were nearby. I was pretty much stunned by the exchange. I mean, I kind of hide in plain sight, I don't plant a billboard next to myself with flashing neon letters on it.

I'm fairly impressed that he confronted management so directly with those points and it apparently went over well (in that he's employed still), yet at the same time, with FT looming for me in a few months I really hope gender bending in the workplace stays as a muted topic. I'm pretty amazed at how open he is as an older man in the south, but then again I guess to a trained eye, I'm pretty open as well. At the same time, perhaps if he's open about himself word will get around and I'll hear what kind of reaction people have from gossip.

I guess I should really be amazed at how little of an issue the whole thing has been so far. One lady who saw my (much longer at the time) nails and the gemstone ring I was wearing at the time asked me if I was transgendered - she was a little kooky but a really sweet lady. But that's basically been it. Working in a highly religious and affluent community, I really expected a lot worse than one query every year and a half.
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Janet_Girl

You would be amazed that the number of people who really could care less about us.  It seems it is only the high profile religious groups that go nutzoid about our rights.

Good for you, Amber and good for your new fellow employee.


Janet
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Tammy Hope

Drag queen?

What does he mean by "drag queen"?

I don't understand why it has to be true that if a TS has the right to present as their identified gender in public places it follows that a cross dresser or, even less so, a drag queen is so entitled?

Maybe I'm showing my ignorance but it seems to me there's a difference in your identity and something you enjoy doing. I mean, a person who enjoys jogging doesn't get to wear his jogging suit to the office, right?

Of course - I'm sure that the CD or the DQ will suddenly claim to be TS in order to get to dress in some cases. And that certainly creates some complexity.

But just on the ethics of the thing, i don't think the claim to rights is remotely the same.
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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MaggieB

Coming to work dressed in drag for Halloween would be perfectly acceptable, at least in California even in the rabidly conservative areas.  And I don't think anyone would necessarily link it to a transgender issue.  I am assuming that people in your company do come to work in costume on Halloween.

When I lived on the East Coast, nobody ever considered coming to work in a costume for Halloween but on my first day at my new job as a software engineer in Silicon Valley in 1982, I was sitting in the personnel office filling out my employment forms.  I handed them to the supervisor, dressed as a bunch of grapes. Everyone in the entire company was in costume except me. I was in my typical white men's dress shirt, grey wool slacks and a necktie.  I felt so "out of it."  I suppose it is just a matter of the local culture. 

Maggie
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Suzy

Wow, Autumn, you sure are going through some stuff, aren't you?   I would think that coming to work female would be one thing.  Coming in typical drag queen attire might be a little over the top, especially for where you work. 

Why don't you just dress female for Halloween, kind of prime the pump?  As I am sure you know, you do not look male.  Just come looking like your pretty self and I bet the girls who work there would love it.

So when are we going shoe shopping, GF?

Kristi
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MaggieB

I'm curious.  How would coming dressed as a drag queen be over the top for Halloween, if costumes are allowed already?  What about those revealing Elvira dresses? Aren't they just about the same?

Maggie

Post Merge: October 12, 2009, 01:23:00 PM

Quote from: Laura Hope on October 12, 2009, 12:00:11 PM
Drag queen?

What does he mean by "drag queen"?

Rent the movie, "Connie and Carla"  great film with real drag queens as cast.
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Autumn

Preface: Drag queen as in gay male who likes to dress up and has done so for a long time, although, worked fully in drag at at least one job.

We do not allow costumes at all. You can wear red white and blue on the 4th of july and I think red stuff for christmas and a santa hat, but otherwise, nobody gets to dress up for anything.  I guess I should have pointed that out, my apologies for the confusion folks.


Quote from: Kristi on October 12, 2009, 01:12:40 PM
Wow, Autumn, you sure are going through some stuff, aren't you?   I would think that coming to work female would be one thing.  Coming in typical drag queen attire might be a little over the top, especially for where you work. 

Why don't you just dress female for Halloween, kind of prime the pump?  As I am sure you know, you do not look male.  Just come looking like your pretty self and I bet the girls who work there would love it.

So when are we going shoe shopping, GF?

I'm wearing my baggy mens' pants again because of nerve problems in my thighs (and this actually adds dimension and weight to my lower half - probably a good thing), but otherwise I fully dress female, I'll do mascara and earrings some days, but not obvious things like liner, color, etc. Not that I really want to wear that most days anyway. I don't even *want* to wear a lot of makeup in my free time, and I do not sell girly things. I don't think people want to talk plumbing with someone wearing pink nail polish. Stereotypes and small aesthetic changes are very powerful factors. The few times I wore a womens' ring, I massively freaked people out at school and work, when to me, it was the least significant thing about my gender bending. I got called out on being transgendered twice over the bloody ring. Similarly, going by my male name, most customers hear the female version even though I give them the full male one. And when people do catch my male name, I've had them ask what my real name is. If i was wearing full on makeup and femmed out entirely and going by a male name, that wouldn't make any sense - but a butch girl taking a masculine version of her name does. I'm also not going to start giving customers a female name - like he proposed when coming dressed - because that causes all sorts of problems.  I'm not deceiving anyone. If anyone asks directly I'm a boy named Name, I just didn't correct their pronouns to not put them on the spot.

That's one thing, though. I am actually suffering performance wise because of the name thing. I do not volunteer a name to most customers which is poor customer service and poor for returning customers - I do give out my cards to decent leads still, obviously. I had to suck it up and do that, though it hurts to out myself, it's necessary.

I had my nails painted before for halloween, and I painted two nails green last year around christmas - my boss said I should have done red and green. I probably will this year. As pretty as I think painted nails are, I don't like the damage it causes, but hey, for holidays why not?

My female coworkers like me a lot, we'll talk about all the usual girl stuff - I had laser hair removal and brow threading done before any of the women there, so several ladies were curious. Some gush about how pretty I am and what a more masculine hair cut would do for me, but :p
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Bellaon7

Quote from: Maggie Kay on October 12, 2009, 01:21:03 PM
I'm curious.  How would coming dressed as a drag queen be over the top for Halloween, if costumes are allowed already?  What about those revealing Elvira dresses? Aren't they just about the same?

Maggie

Post Merge: October 12, 2009, 01:23:00 PM

Rent the movie, "Connie and Carla"  great film with real drag queens as cast.
I loved that movie!
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MaggieB

Quote from: Bellaon7 on October 12, 2009, 04:22:46 PM
I loved that movie!

I have such a crush on one of the drag queens. She was the one in the cute little cowboy hat.  The real DQ are from Vancouver B.C.  and they participated in the movie as consultants too so it would not be inaccurate. 

Maggie
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Tammy Hope

QuoteRent the movie, "Connie and Carla"  great film with real drag queens as cast.

I know what the standard issue drag queen is.

Was just unsure about this particular guys' usage since it would seem to me self-evident that your standard issue drag queen appearance wouldn't be appropriate at work (unless that was your job or it was a costume day)
Disclaimer: due to serious injury, most of my posts are made via Dragon Dictation which sometimes butchers grammar and mis-hears my words. I'm also too lazy to closely proof-read which means some of my comments will seem strange.


http://eachvoicepub.com/PaintedPonies.php
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