How Many TS Specialists and Connections Do You Have?

[K8]

How many TS-related specialists do you see?  How many TS friends do you have?  How involved are you in the "TS scene"?

Some recent posts have made me aware of how clueless I am.  (Not a new condition for me. )

Other than on this forum, I have no TS friends.  I have knowingly met perhaps half-a-dozen TS's in my life, and not many more CDs than that.  I have some close gay friends who live far away and have some gay and lesbian acquaintances in town here, but I don't hang out with them.  I'm not aware of an LGBT bar in town.  I've gone to a TS support group in a nearby town a few times and enjoy it, but I often forget to go.  I've heard of two other MtFs in town but have never knowingly met either of them.

My hormones are being prescribed and monitored by my family physician.  My therapist may have had one other TS client in her career.  I've been to a plastic surgeon about cosmetic surgery, but it is age-related rather than gender-related, and she said she's had little experience with TS's.  The places where I get laser and electrolysis work with TS's, but most of their clients are cis-gendered.  I went to a voice coach who had never worked with a TS before.

My breast forms are from a place that supplies women who've had mastectomies.  I've asked for advice and been made over at cosmetic counters at regular department stores.  I've read books addressed to women on how to wear various kinds of clothes with various body types.  I've watched "What Not to Wear."  I ask for advice from my cis-gendered women friends.  I shop at regular women's stores.

This forum has been invaluable to me, and I cherish the friendships I've made here, but sometimes I feel that I may not know what I'm talking about.  (And I need to remember that when I start spouting off about something. )  I've little experience with being trans other than my own and what I've read of others'.  Perhaps I'm missing something?

How many specialized connections have you made, and how helpful have they been to you?

- Kate

[Flan]

not many here either, I get hrt from a tg care program, and go to a good gender therapist, but that's about it.

I don't go to the local lgbt bar, or the 2 cafes I know of, don't know any other local trans peeps personally, and got laser hair reduction from a place that caters to ciswomen

I'm just boring like that 

[Mischa]

I get all my care from the Veterans Affairs. They even have a support group...

[Janet_Girl]

I have my therapist and a gal who does makeovers for TS/CD clients.  My doctor had had several Ts patients in the past and of course my surgeon who does Orchies and SRS locally.  And of course my girlfriend, Heatherrose.  But I have a lot of contacts to CD/TV/TS websites on the net.

You just have lead a sheltered life, Kate.    If you were closer I takee you downtown Portland to a couple of gay bars.


Janet

[Cloudrot]

Oh jeez, I've made so many connections.

To start, sophomore year in High School, I met a trans girl (She's kind of semi-closeted. She doesn't hide the fact that she's a girl but she isn't really -out-.). She actually was a big help for me, she got me the names of books about trans stuff, and plus, it was just nice to -know- someone going through something similar. I probably wouldn't have come out that summer if it wasn't for her. She's a good friend now.

My therapist is a gender specialist. She's worked with a ton of transgender people and spoken at conferences and stuff.

I've been to a few conferences (three actually) for TG people. At one of them I met a boy who actually comes up to my city for a support group (for TG youth -and- their parents which I like, parents need support too, sometimes more than the kids.) every month. I thought it was kind of funny that I should find out about a support group -in my city- from someone who drives a good distance to get to it. Heh. I've made friends with people within the group since then.

And, I've made TG friends online of course.

I'm really thankful for all of this. I feel like it's a little unfair, that I have -so- many resources but, so many people hardly have any. XP

Oh! Almost forgot to mention, the woman who prescribes and monitors my HRT is trans too. I think she's just a family physician who works with a specialist in the area. But yeah.

[Ms.Behavin]

Hum... well I still have my electro lady.  My doctor knows I'm TS but I had to tell her. Gee I live in the bay area and while I've met some Tg/TS types, I don't really hang out with any.  I don't/ have never done the bar thing.  I do have a few GLB friends, but not T.  Well other then here anyway.

I pretty much just live as a woman,  Not really stealth but not going out of my way to tell my life story either.  Plus I'm boring!  well OK not really ;-)

Beni

[myles]

Besides this group I have one FTM friend, attend a group once a month, a therapist and a doc, that's about it.
Cheers,
Myles

[Deanna_Renee]

Count me among the boring...

My therapist is a transman and treats or has treated some number of trans people and lectures quite a bit (I think). I have attended one day of one conference (SCC a couple of weeks ago) and met a few people there, but none local. I don't know anyone who is T in this area. I do have a few gay friends, one of whom knows quite a few Drag Queens and Transwomen - hasn't introduced them. I haven't been to a bar/club in years and never a LGBT bar/club (I rarely ever drink and don't like loud music/noise). There is a transgender group here in ATL, but I have not been able to make it to the meetings these past few months (since I came out to myself). I haven't yet started HRT, so there are no docs I'm connected with and I haven't been to a doctor (except for a couple of minor injuries) in over 30 years. I also have not started Electro yet, so don't have any connections there yet either.

Like I said - BORING!

Give it some time, it may change.

Deanna

[MeghanAndrews]

Hi Kate
I think some of the answer to this question will depend on where someone lives. If I lived where my parents are from in a small Midwest town I don't think I'd have many resources at all except online. I've looked to see if there are any trans resources there and there aren't. I'd have to drive 200 miles to the closest major city.

I live in LA now. I myself am involved in the trans community through work, my network of friends and online. I would say I know about 150-200 transpeople in real life and a lot more online. I think my youtube videos reach quite a few people and I'm meeting new people all the time. Here's the thing, if I didn't live in LA, if I lived where you do, I'd be in the same boat as you.

Is that a bad place to be? I think it's circumstantial. If you lived in LA there would be countless resources available to you from endo's who treat nothing but trans people to 100 electrologists who have trans experience to what would probably equate to a small city of therapists with trans experience, many of whom are trans themselves. I think we have 4 or 5 trans doctors here too.

You said "This forum has been invaluable to me, and I cherish the friendships I've made here, but sometimes I feel that I may not know what I'm talking about.  (And I need to remember that when I start spouting off about something. )  I've little experience with being trans other than my own and what I've read of others'.  Perhaps I'm missing something?"

One of the great things about the online experience is that it allows everyone to have input and each person to take from those experiences and relationships what they want and need. For you, I know for a fact that you are a source of inspiration to a lot of people. I'm sure in your town, as you get to know people, they will be meeting a transperson for the very first time. Are you what they thought you were? Are you down-to-earth, normal, and possessing an extremely feminine soul? Will you hear "OMG, you are one of those transsexuals?" and then give them an idea that you are just a normal girl, not some caricature like they might have been thinking about transpeople?

If you are feeling like you are missing something by not being surrounded by transpeople in real life, it's just a different situation for you. You sure seem to me like you are living a full life and headed in the right direction even if you are the only transperson within 300 miles! You just keep carving out your path like you've been doing and some day when you travel and bump into other transpeople somewhere you'll know that it really wouldn't change you or who you are one bit Meghan

[Deanna_Renee]

Hi Kate
For you, I know for a fact that you are a source of inspiration to a lot of people.

Like me. Thanks Kate and Meghan (and many, many others)

Deanna

[Alex_C]

I live about 50 miles south of San Josa California so I might as well be out in the middle of Kansas ... except if I don't mind riding my motorcycle 50 miles I can be in Santa Cruz, or San Jose. 100 miles and I'm in SF.

I have one doctor, have one other transguy living near me but he's not answering emails and I don't feel like lurking around his house so I'm assuming he's busy or having the flu that's going around. I go to meetings in Santa Cruz but the transguys there, while nice, are all in a clique with each other and as the outsider there's not really any hope for friendship or doing stuff with 'em other than just the meeting.

Before the Internet killed all that off, there were bars where you could meet people. Sure bars are not the best but now it's the "living death", everyone's in their own little basement, tapping away on a keyboard and it's very hard to get 'em to leave their little basement and even meet up for coffee. The "local" les bar, where local means 50 miles away, has changed to an "everyone" bar and its proud les days, of drama and hair-pulling, and parking lot brawls, are largely over. There's a guys' bar I like to visit when I'm up there, but that's just because it's friendly and I like the place.

This place is my #1 connection right now which is cool because people here are so cool, but also kinda sad since I've learned that Internet people never actually meet.

[V M]

Most of my TS friends are online. There isn't much if any where I live. Other than friends that I chat with and coming here and a couple of accepting hetero friends - ie: my PSR worker and therapist, I am alone on this journey.

But allot of folks think I'm some weird horsey girl trying to be a guy anyway. I'm not about to tell them they've got it a bit backwards 

[aubrey]

There was a big group I went to once a month that's a few hours away and I was pretty diligent about it for awhile but felt eventually like I wasn't getting anywhere with it or getting anything accomplished. Pretty much all of them are a bit older and the only thing in common seemed to be that they are TS and the few I felt I might be friends with were just visiting from out of town or rarely if ever came. The ones I have talked to were friendly but seem very socially awkward or we have small talk and nothing ever comes of it. This one girl who apparently lives nearby for some reason has a major chip on her shoulder and always gives me odd looks. Other than that I have a few docs, therapist etc...and the same friends I've always had...yay me.

[Teknoir]

I did attend an FTM group twice, but haven't gone for about 3 or 4 months.

I'm getting counselling, but they aren't a gender issues only sort of place.

The endo that I'm trying to get into mainly deals with cis-men.

My friends are all cis. I've never been to a GLB or T bar. I don't hide, but I don't wave a flag. I more just leave things unsaid and go about my business.

Don't get me wrong, I would hang with another TS IRL - I'm not afraid of being outed or anything - it's just that we'd have to also be friends outside of the context of being TS. I enjoy talking about things other than transition, too! 

I'm not involved in the 'scene'. I avoid it whenever possible. I have my reasons.

I do like it here though. It doesn't reek of "scene"

[Steph]

I did attend two meetings of a GLBT support group I quickly discovered that this was not for me.  I stopped seeking out these types of support group as I found that I didn't fit in and invariably they were domminated by cross-dressers and TV's, something which I wasn't.  So I sought online help which led me here to Susans.  All of my transition was done with the assistance/supervision of medical professionals with the exception of the social/moral side of things where advice was found here.

I had quite a team as well.  Two therapists, one a psychiatrist with a gender specialty, the other a psychologist with a specialty in gender behavior (or something like that).  My own doctor, an endocrinologist, an electrologist, an really important... my Ex.  I live in Ontario Canada, and compared to a lot of countries, the necessary supports systems seem to be more plentiful.

-={LR}=-

[Suzy]

Well color me boring as well.  I am not, and likely never will be much involved in the TG scene where I live, even though few places offer more than here.  I have tried.  It just does not seem to be for me.  I went to a support group one time, tried to force myself to go back, and just decided I did not fit in.  I have been to some of the banquets as my way of support, and offered a bit of help behind the scenes.  I have my therapist, my dermatologist, and my physician.  As far as friends go, I have one very close friend, who has been such an amazing help to me, as well as the girl who owns the local shop where she does transformations and makeovers, who has been such an awesome help to me teaching me things I needed to know.  2!   I have some other girls I know, but they just don't seem to ever be able to get together.  So that leaves 2!  That is all, besides my online acquaintances. 

I really don't do the bar scene, at least very often.  I go to such exciting places as shopping malls, the gas station, the grocery store, the library, the car wash, parks, out to eat, to the movies, blah blah blah.  Really pretty routine stuff.

That being said, I am thankful to Susan's for this space.  When I first started dealing with it all, I really thought I was just nutzo.  I look back at my first post now and chuckle.

Kristi

[K8]

Thanks, people.  I feel a bit out of it sometimes (and am ).  It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Yes, it depends on what is available to each of us.  There's probably a gender therapist within 150 miles of here, but my non-specialized therapist has been a huge help.  Sometimes the standard advice to the new people is that they need to find a gender therapist.  That hasn't been my experience, but of course YMMV.

There are bunches of you here on Susan's that I'd love to meet in person.  In the meantime, I am very thankful for this site and that I can "meet" you here.

My first outing was to an LGBT dance 50 miles away.  Those little things break the ice (the very thick ice) but perhaps once we get moving along in the right direction we need them less.

Meghan, you are right in that I'm pretty sure that I am the first TS many people I see regularly have ever (knowingly) met.  Especially in the beginning, I saw my open transition as a form of public education or social service.  (Isn't it funny what justifications we can come up with to get us moving in the direction we need to go? )  I had one friend tell me about seeing some obviously male-bodied people in over-the-top female clothes and then say, amazed: But your so normal!

So, those of us out in the provinces (and there are many more than I suspected ), while benefiting from those of you in the hubs, are quietly doing outreach.  And so the message gets spread.

As I told my friend (above): I am normal – I'm a normal transsexual!

- Kate

[MaggieB]

I live on the Monterey Peninsula, 60 miles south of the San Francisco Bay/ San Jose CA area.  There is a pretty active trans community here.  I had initially thought there was only one gender therapist here but when I finished my transition, I had been to four and I know of two or three more.   I asked one therapist how many transpeople are in the area.  He had no hestiation saying that in the tri county area, there are 20000.  Seemed amazing to me but he has been doing this work for many many years.  Not all are actively out, most are stealth. 

Personally, I am friends with several transwomen and transmen locally.  I do go to a support group more for social reasons than any other.  Often we will go out for coffee after the session.

I go to a doctor who handles my HRT. She has 800 trans patients.   

I got my orchi in nearby Palo Alto by a urologist who has performed this operation on dozens of transwomen.   The staff were absolutely incredible. I was always treated with utmost respect and care.

We are just opening our local LBGT diversity center but there is already one just thirty miles away in Santa Cruz. 

The one area that we lack is medical and dental care.  There are very few who cater to LBGT patients and I have had several nightmarish experiences with both my dentist and GP.

As for the area, it seems to be trans friendly. At least, for me it is.  I pretty much live stealth and pass so, I may not be a good reporter of that.  I did go androgynous for about three years and while I got weird looks,  only once was I threatened with death.   

I am a homebody and don't generally go to bars. Heck they roll up the streets at nine here. 

Maggie

[Steph]

...
My first outing was to an LGBT dance 50 miles away.  Those little things break the ice (the very thick ice) but perhaps once we get moving along in the right direction we need them less.

...
- Kate

I firmly beleive that those who are TS need to get out and start experiencing the real world and stay away from organized functions.  While they may offer safety and security and may be a great place for CD's and or TV's, TS need to be able to function in typical day-to-day social situations.

-={LR}=-

[Jay]

1 gender doctor and 1 counsellor. That my friend is it! 

Jay