So, last year I had a long time feeling confused, unsure of what to do. I knew I suffered of dysphoria, but the fear of transitioning were really confusing me.
At the end, I took a decision, I called a center for curing people with GID and I quitted with my former therapist, because in the last months she wasn't of any help.
So, I started going to this center psychologist, in the same period I started again university lessons, I came out to all my friends and I tried to put me in a "male mode" at the university. I had a very stressing days, I had some panic attacks in crowded place, it was really hard.
Then I understood one thing: it's actualy impossible for me to pass at the university, so I just have to resign myself and talk about me using female pronouns, like the ones that all other people use with me.
Also, I'm in love with a guy, he loves me but he loves my feminine body, he wouldn't me to transition. He doesn't make pression about it, but I know that he wouldn't like.
Ok, now I'm still going to my new gender therapist, I want the paper that tells that I have GID, but in the future I don't know when I'll start physical transition.
At this time, my biggest problem is university, it's really hard and I'm always very tired.
But... now I feel less dysphoria about my body or about the fact that people talk to me using "she".
I still know that I don't want to live all my life in a female body, I know that I would anyway have problems doing female stereotipical things, but... it's like I'm feeling in peace with my body.
It's a little strange, it's like my problem is more about my gender that about my body.
But I'm sure that in the future, when I'll have some holydays from my university, dysphoria will come back.
