What do YOU say when someone asks if you're trans?

[Bellaon7]

K8 that's excellent! I have some hearing loss so if I ask someone to repeat themsevles & still don't understand I just smile & say ty, lol. There are a few situations where that totally ends up being the wrong thing to say(&those are some doosies!), but that's also the most harmless & deescalating responses I know of, bravo!

[kae m]

K8 that's excellent! I have some hearing loss so if I ask someone to repeat themsevles & still don't understand I just smile & say ty, lol. There are a few situations where that totally ends up being the wrong thing to say(&those are some doosies!), but that's also the most harmless & deescalating responses I know of, bravo!

lol - "What?  No, sorry, I don't know the train schedule"

[Chaos_Dagger]

If someone had the nerve to ask me that.  Well of course it depends on the situation... I dunno what situation it might come up in... but if I can tell it was meant to be a harmless question out of curiosity I would be nice about it.  Since I highly doubt it would ever be meant as a harmless question, then I would reply in the sweetest voice possibly "I'm human, which is more than I can say for you." and leave it at that.

[Princess Phoebe]

Actually I would be honored if someone asked me that question because as least it would imply that I'm not just some weirdo cross-dresser who can't get laid and is waiting to pounce on someone's kid because they think all TG are really pedophiles.

[Bellaon7]

Actually I would be honored if someone asked me that question because as least it would imply that I'm not just some weirdo cross-dresser who can't get laid and is waiting to pounce on someone's kid because they think all TG are really pedophiles.

If only I could call you paranoid & believe it...happy thoughts. That's my biggest fear walking into a restroom, not being arrested, but scarring someone & their kids. Talk about feeling like a monster, that is just the worst.

[Pippa]

I don't have a definite timescale for coming out yet.  I know at some point I will have to come out as my transition will be at a point where the changes will be obvious.   I plan to come out to my family some time in the first part of next year.   Basicaly, I want Christmas to be out of the way first. 

Work will follow some time later.

However, I have thought long and hard as to my response if someone was to ask and my conclusion was to tell them of my transgender status.   The truth cannot hurt me.  In fact, coming out this way has some attraction as it takes some of the stress of exposing myself to friends and family.  I think my mother already suspects and I would not be suprised if she brings up my transition before I get the chance to.

[Dawn D.]

I'd like to think I'd have the presence of mind to say something like "And you are.....................................?" then turn and walk away.


Dawn

[Jeannette]

That would be very impolite to ask in the first place.  Nobody's asked me anything like that ever, but if they did, I'd tell them that it isn't none of their [add profanity here] business.

[heatherrose]

A soft answer turneth away wrath:
but grievous words stir up anger.

[Princess Phoebe]

If only I could call you paranoid & believe it...happy thoughts. That's my biggest fear walking into a restroom, not being arrested, but scarring someone & their kids. Talk about feeling like a monster, that is just the worst.

I know...and I'm sorry. My sense of faith and optimism is just gone now. I'm worse than paranoid, I've become misanthropic. I see hate and malice everywhere. I'm either going to get on top of it or give it all up.

I'm grateful for your perspective

[The None Blonde]

I remember when I used to do bar work when i was transitioning... big mistake.

This place i used to work in... i was never very macho or male apearing, and when I decided to transtion, and wore more neutral clothes, I reached a state of androgyne where workmates had all decided I was gay, and a general company joke, was 'wonder how many people think 'he's' a 'she' again tonight? Customers regularly refered to me as she, and her, and my friends used to think it hilarious. One or two even propogated it at times for a laugh.

A regular thing with customers, was drunk people, usually girls would come up and ask me 'are you a boy or a girl?"

my reply was usuallly *smile* 'Yes' and walk off... laughing at thier confusion. It almost made the whole mess worth while....

It got better as I went on hrt and became more female looking overal.... I bound my growing breasts to delay having to come out... it didnt really help... Too thin for a boy, and quite delecate looking.... the girl comments got worse, and my workmates started to treat me as a token girl... using a feminine shortening of my name. I did get a few 'are you a guy?' comments during that phase, but often i tryed playing with responses...

'Are you a guy?'

'No' with a look of confusion was a bit flat in response,

'What?" + look hurt  got appologies.

"Only on the weekends' got a confused look.

my favourite was this; 'are you a guy?' - Yes, but I'm really a girl' - that generally got a confused look, then a laugh, and a 'sorry miss' or other such phrases suggesting they didn't belive me. Oddly honesty can be taken the rigth way at times...

[FairyGirl]

Dee, first of all I don't think you're ugly at all and besides there actually are people who see beauty as something more than just looks. Don't let one @$$#01e have that power over you. His opinion means nothing. Now if you wanted to take that gun after him, I would totally understand! But not yourself. In the big scheme of things that guy is an insignificant nothing. You could have also just replied, "well obviously you're NOT."

*big hugs*

[Dawn D.]

Dee,

As FairyGirl says, you are not ugly! Far from it. And, yes this guy is insignificant scum. Don't let him win or others like him. You're a good woman and you will be just fine. You have to believe that in your heart.

I had a similar episode happen to me last weekend. It involved a very close friend of mine and I won't bore anyone with the details. What I took away from it after I put my emotional self back together was that I am worth living my life for. So are you!

People will be rude, they will be mean in spirit and intent. We just have to develop a tougher layer to keep from absorbing their vitriol.


Dawn

[Wendy1974]

Dee you aren't ugly at all and you aren't manly don't let this incident break you. We all get read once in awhile, who knows what it was that made him question your gender but it doesn't matter, 99% of the time no one questions so don't let the 1% break you. It sucks, it hurts like hell but it'll pass and so do you!

~Wendy

[MaggieB]

Dee,
Gosh, what an ordeal. I am so sorry that you had to endure that man's ignorance.  I often wonder how solid my passing is and I do worry that if I encountered something like you did, that I might lose it.  I steel myself in the knowledge that most people seem not to care and I am able to get along in life.  I hope that you will recover from this event quickly.  We are more than what people like this guy think.

Maggie

[Miniar]

I got asked for the first time about a week ago, when I went to a GLBT meeting where I introduced myself as Hans Miniar.
I simply said "yes".
And then tackled the questions that followed with honesty and a smile.

It wasn't as big a deal in reality as I'd built it up to be in my head.

[CharleneT]

you could always reply "gee I was wondering the same thing about you" lol

good answer !

[heatherrose]

Dee,

You are not ugly. You have come to far and learned too much about
yourself to turn back or do yourself in now. Blur and all, what I saw was
an attractive, happy, slightly older than middle aged woman who didn't
trust her gut, when it told her that something wasn't such a good idea.

"Two rednecks way out in the sticks. Oh boy. I'm thinking that this isn't such a good idea."

Why did you transition? Did you do it because you wanted to fool the
whole world into believing that you were born a female? If you did, you
set yourself up for a fall. It has been said and it is so true, "You can fool
all of the people, some of the time and some of the people, all of the time
but you can not fool all of the people, all of the time". ->-bleeped-<- happens, people
are ignorant. What was your attitude when you first started your down
this wonderful rabbit hole? I imagine it was, "Screw you, I don't care
what you think. This is what and who I am, deal with it" and now you
are gonna let this one innocuous incident turn your world up side down?
You are too much of a woman to let this wreck you. Now put your
big girl panties back on and get back out there, in their face.

Post Merge: October 22, 2009, 04:25:36 PM

you could always reply "gee I was wondering the same thing about you" lol

good answer !

The fact is, if most were faced with this situation, they would react
the same way Dee did. If her friend wasn't there to distract the beast,
though pointed and funny, if one were in fact brash enough to
use such an insulting tactic, it would most likely turn an
uncomfortable situation into an explosive one.

[K8]

Dee, I am so sorry you endured this.  How awful for you.  Looking at the picture, blurry or not, I see no reason why the a**h*** asked you that.  That he would repeat the question just shows what a complete idiot he is.

Why did you transition? Did you do it because you wanted to fool the
whole world into believing that you were born a female? If you did, you
set yourself up for a fall.

True words.  Still, this kind of thing can hurt real bad.  I hope you get your confidence back soon.  You've come a long way, baby.  Other than firebombing his house, don't go there again.

You are a woman, despite your difficult past and the difficult road you are walking. 

Lots of hugs, dear.

- Kate

[Julie Wilson]

Dee,

Why did you transition? Did you do it because you wanted to fool the
whole world into believing that you were born a female? If you did, you
set yourself up for a fall. It has been said and it is so true, "You can fool
all of the people, some of the time and some of the people, all of the time
but you can not fool all of the people, all of the time". ->-bleeped-<- happens, people
are ignorant.

Actually people aren't ignorant so much as they have been educated by "trans" people and are now "trans aware", which makes it much more difficult to be able to be perceived as the sex that transition is supposed to better allow you to be.

Some of us believe that we have always been female, it is the reason we transition and have sex reassignment surgery, breast augmentation, facial feminization surgery...  For some of us being able to be perceived as female is the only acceptable outcome of transition.

Generally in life successful people are the ones who learn from their mistakes instead of allowing them to drag them down.  Voice is crucial to "passing"...  These types of experiences can feel absolutely devastating but don't let them get you down.  Learn from them when you can.