The guy who was bothering my friend simply would NOT go away, nor would he take "I'm a guy" for an answer. He was a little mentally out of it but had an acquaintance who is FTM. Kept calling the acquaintance "she." Uh-huh.
For me, the worst thing was that my friends and I were sharing an auditorium with a bunch of other men, and one or two tables had gay men that I go to meetings with but am not out to. I must admit that I was thinking that the guy was going to start in on me next, but he didn't. Fortunately, there was quite a bit of noise cover--music, plus conversations between lots of guys at all the tables. And our table was over in the corner.
But it did get me to thinking. I love going to the gay men's group; what WOULD I say if one of them asked? And what would I say if one of my students asked about me? I have professor ratings on Rate My Professor that I haven't been able to get rid of yet; if my students ever look me up, they'll get four or five comments that use female pronouns, four or five that use male pronouns, and a couple that strategically use no pronouns. And people at school do slip up occasionally (the janitor did it just last week and told my student that "she"--meaning me--was just around the corner in office XXXX. Fortunately, it's obvious that the janitor's first language is not English, so I think my student saw it as an ESL mistake).
But it did get me to thinking. I don't want to be the ->-bleeped-<- Professor to my students. It's none of their damned business. And I especially don't want to be outed in my men's group. I've finally found a home of sorts in that group--something I've wanted all my life--and I sure as heck don't need them thinking that some female has invaded their all-male space. I'm so much like them that many of my life experiences parallel theirs--to such an extent that I can be completely honest (if selective) about my GAY childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. I just don't want to lose that connection or damage it in any way. So I thought I should have a few responses ready, just in case.
For the record, I have had complete strangers exchange very loud is-that-a-boy-or-a-girl comments among themselves about me, I've had them call me "it" and say things like "What is THAT?" at me, and I've had a few people actually ask me to my face, rudely, if I am a boy or a girl. But, oddly enough, all of that was years ago, pre-transition. None of it in the past year. Maybe people are generally more accepting of gender ambiguity in the twenty-first century. Maybe.
