What do YOU say when someone asks if you're trans?

[heatherrose]

...because I think it would have been a wonderful thing for her to experience. But that's life.

...and maybe for you too.

I have been able to turn a few potentially bad
situations around and have made a friend or two using the honest approach

I would venture a guess that quite a few people who would ask this question,
could possibly be an open minded/forthright person emboldened by the publicity
that gender issues have recently received, depending, of course, on the
phraseology and tone they use when asking the question.

[YoungSoulRebel]

My answer to "are you a guy or a girl?" tends to be "you want to suck my c*** and find out?"

I've also noticed that this tends to be a general all-purpose answer for many other situations.

[Autumn]

...and maybe for you too.

I believe so. Despite her being quite big on Jesus, I told her the story of my religious ex's family that literally labeled me satan and she asked if they were in a cult. Sweet, eccentric middle aged lady. Wish there were more people like her.

[YoungSoulRebel]

Yeah, well that is exactly the very fastest way to find yourself in the bottom of a shallow grave in the woods around here.  That is the WORST answer you could possibly give. 

That might be a good answer in an alternate universe but in this one, not so much.

It's not so great south of Columbus, Ohio, either, but I don't live there.

But the question was "what do YOU say...?" -- and that's what I say.  If the question was for advice, I'd have given that, instead.

ETA:
Also, as a TS man, I'm dealing with life from a different angle, anyway.  When people ask me that question, it's cos they can't tell if I'm a very short man, or a very "butch" woman -- so the implication that I "have a penis" tends to be interpreted as an answer of "very short man".

[Arch]

I remember a scene from Stone Butch Blues. I think Jess Goldberg is on the subway, and a woman asks her male friend--I'll call him her boyfriend--if Goldberg is a guy or a girl. The boyfriend asks Jess directly and receives the hostile reply, "F*** off." The boyfriend then turns to the girlfriend and says, "It's a guy." I love that passage.

I was at the Center the other day for a trans meeting. I almost didn't go but changed my mind at the last minute because a friend of mine had promised to be there (he didn't show). So we were filing downstairs, and I saw that one of the men from my gay men's discussion group was volunteering for another event. I don't know if he saw me; and even if he saw me, perhaps he didn't know what meeting I was at. If he did see me and knows about the trans meeting, I don't think he would be so bold as to ask me, at the next men's meeting, if I'm trans. But you never know.

Anyway, I don't see how I can maintain this balancing act for much longer. I go to gay meetings and trans meetings under the same roof. Sooner or later, one of the gay men is going to figure it out (if someone hasn't already). For most of my life, I've wanted to be just one of the gay guys. Now I'm there, and I don't want them to see me any differently if they find out about my past.

I don't think a snappy comeback is going to help me one little bit. The real problem is me, I guess. I'm still insecure about my masculinity. I hate that. And the real kicker? In this particular respect--my insecurity, not my transness--I'm no different from a lot of American men. Maybe most of them.

[K8]

I'm still insecure about my masculinity. I hate that. And the real kicker? In this particular respect--my insecurity, not my transness--I'm no different from a lot of American men. Maybe most of them.

Yes.

You are who you are, Arch.  You are trans and gay and a man.  In my limited experience, as I become more comfortable with who I am (a woman who tried to be a man but who is no longer trying), the more comfortable everyone seems to be with me.  Yes, I'm trans.  Yes, I'm in transition,  Yes, The world used to think I was a man even though I always knew somehow that I'm not.  But now I'm just me - Kate - and people around me seem to be more relaxed now that I've discovered who I am.

I hope the same works for you.  Just be Arch.

- Kate

[Arch]

In the mean time, I've ditched the crummy avatar that everyone hated.  For now.

Permanently, I hope.

And I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.

[heatherrose]

Ok, I've had a few days to cry it out.

I was hoping that was a good potion of what you needed.
Please tell us that you didn't cut your hair.

I'm still hurt by what happened but I've learned a few new things about the guy that have some direct bearing on what happened.

Beside the fact that he lacks the least of any social graces,
I hope that you are not going to tell us that he is bi-curious
and it turns out that this was his opening come on.

In the mean time, I've ditched the crummy avatar that everyone hated.

I love your new avitar.
It is a testament of how far you have come.

[The None Blonde]

You look much nicer in the new one... I must agree

[Janet_Girl]

Now that is our Pretty Dee.  Sometimes all one needs is a good cry.  Huggles, Dee Hon.  It is good to see you back, I was concerned.


Janet

[MaggieB]

Dee,
I am so glad that you are feeling better.  I also like your new avatar very much.

Maggie

[YoungSoulRebel]

Sometimes all one needs is a good cry.

That is so true.

[heatherrose]

You are not going it alone and I think you know that. We have all been
worried about you and are glad that you feel you can trust us to share your pain.
I hope knowing this has been a comfort to you. We care about you and we
know that while it will not be easy, you will get through this.

[Imadique]

I told a customer to go and have intercourse with himself last week when he asked me if I was male or female (it was as much to do with the tone he used as anything). As has been stated though, it's not a common question and it's usually pretty out of line. Most people will have the sense not to ask.

[The None Blonde]

Uncommon? Try working with the inebriated.... heh, it  was a nightly question. Shows you how often people THINK it then engage the 'don't be rude' sector of thier brain when sober.

[Janet_Girl]

I am glad you are better, Dee.  Unfortunately there are those people who can only make themselves feel bigger by belittling others.  They never will figure out that they hurt other people.

She should have warned you, but at least you will not have to very see Mr. Richard Cranium again.

Hugs, Hon.


Janet

[K8]

I worked with a guy like Kirk once, only he was more subtle and wasn't as single-minded.  He would talk to you until he found which button was the one to push, and then push it and push it again and again.  I knew he was an a$$hole, but he did help me to be less sensitive about a few things (the bastard ).

I'm glad you're back on track, Dee.  And all you have to do is look through the avatars here on Susan's (mine included) and see that you are pretty.  This is a long and bumpy road we travel.  It is easier as we travel it together.

- Kate

[Arch]

K8, I just saw your ticker...I'm having an OMG moment, and I don't do that so often...well, no, it's more of a Dr. Horrible moment.

Seriously...a hammer...to mark the days till SRS? Was that just a happy accident, or do you have a severely wicked sense of humor?

[V M]

What do you say if someone asks if your trans?

"Possibly, Why? Do you find me interesting?" 

[heatherrose]

...or do you have a severely wicked sense of humor?