gid hell

[jesse]

ok today was horrid it was GID overload i am in the process of restructuring the family finances and one of the things im doing is getting rid of my old car. Taking public transportation for a while to save money. Here i am cleaning out my car trying to figure out what i need to carry with me in a pack on the bus. ive been keeping the small amount of makeup that i have in my backpack in the car, anyways as im packing i start thinking about the things im doing and my thoughts go towards the family and im like what the f... are you doing. Am i seriously thinking about tearing my family apart over this. My wife knows about my issues and has taken the stand that if i procede with this we are threw. i can accept this i dont know if i can accept hurting my baby over it she is 5 my last child my other kids are grown.
So then i start thinking about tossing the lip gloss im holding out the window and i cant do that either my mind wouldnt let me....i simply cant. so what do i do next i start to cry. This is horrible no person should have to go threw this. im litterly frozen in my car i dont know what to do and i start thinking about putting my Glock in my mouth and pulling the ->-bleeped-<-ing trigger. after what seamed like hours i drive away and dont go home as im driving i think about just keep driving and not look back but i know in my heart thats a death sentance as well because i will have no one then. i find my self at a book store looking at fashion mags and fitness books for females. i dont think i can do this much longer
if i cant pass this test i might just pull the trigger 
jessica

[Janet_Girl]

We have all been there, but in the end we all come here.  With or without the family.  I am lucky in that my kids are grown.

I hope you come to an agreement with your wife to atleast still see your child.


Janet

[Debra]

Jesse

I have to say I dont know where you are exactly in your transition but I'm at the very beginning and I've had those feelings sometimes too....exactly. You spoke directly to me when I read this. I've had such powerful waves of "what are you doing???" that its hard to take sometimes. Thankfully they pass because I realize how much happier I am. I know there's no easy fix or comfort but just thought I'd say that your post spoke to me and I can relate.

BTW if that's you in your avatar, you look amazing girl =)

[Ms.Behavin]

Been there done that.....well my children took the news rather well.  My ex of course, is about the only one who responded in a negitive way, but no surprise there.  Take it easy and slow for it is a slippery slope and once you start it can be pretty bumpy.  Of course at the end I was going wee lets do it again....Not!

But for some, Me for example, life is better.  It is so much easier for me now.

Take care and put the knifes and guns away.  Yes been there too.

Beni