A Tug Of War With My Emotions

[Kadeci]

Hello everyone.  This is my first post since I've registered here on this great forum.  Here's the deal, I was born a boy (against my will) and I am now 27 year of age.  The last faze of my life that I can remember enjoy living was during my pre-teen years and even then thoughts uncertainty would tourment me.

My teen years were a disaster as I was always confused and unfocussed toward reality and seeked refuge in drawing and video games.  I never had relationships with girls till this day and struggle to find anykind of relationships now.  I dont feel unattractive nor do I believe that I am and seem to be fixated on looking myself in the mirror and trying to correct any flaws.  I maintain a clean shaved face and body and prefer to look more boyish/feminine than manly because I dont feel that the male sex works for me whatso ever do to the fact that I don't play the role as well as I compare to others. 

I dislike being refered to as 'sir' and prefer 'kid' as it is the closest thing to being an intersex term (I look way younger than my age).  I don't consider myself gay however I have been in and out of relationships with other males and thought that it felt comfortable so long as I remain secret about it.  I am really self conscience and if I dont maintain myself and let manhood take over I become really depressed.  Things like the regrowth of facial and body hair irritate me deeply.

Well my problem is that I carry myself like a male as far as charactoristics ( gait/stance, speaking patterns/tone) however my sexuality is of gay traits and my gender is leant towards female.  It feels like hell and many times I know that people just give up trying to figure me out. 

[christene]

Sounds like so many people here, and welcome :-)
Coming to accepting yourself, as yourself, was the first step for me. If you have access to a therapist who works with gender differences you could always make an appointment. For me it helped a lot for me to accept who I was and to realize there is nothing wrong with me...

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Kadeci,

Welcome to our little family. Over 3600 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks
  

Blessed Be.
Janet